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Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
Surviving the Weekend Warfare: Strategies for a Stress-Free Couple Time
Do you ever wonder why some dates fizzle out while others bloom into something beautiful? At the beginning of this episode, during HOT TOPICS, we discuss the viral list of "Where Women Do Not Want to Go on First Dates." We pull back the curtain and tell you what we think about the list. Enjoy a hearty laugh as we break down the list, with Cheesecake Factory topping that list! We also delve into striking the right balance between setting expectations and keeping things simple—the cornerstone of every successful first date.
But it's not all about first dates and dating preferences. We're here to help you navigate your relationship waters—especially those pesky weekend arguments that we're all too familiar with. Constantly feeling burnt out from overscheduled weekends? We've got some hints for you! From unpacking the root cause of these disputes to providing tips on balancing chores and relaxation, our discussion is all about creating stress-free weekends.
And what's a relationship without communication? In the final segment, we open up about our personal experiences and stress the importance of open and honest dialogue within a marriage. Clear the air on the Sunday Night Blues, learn how to navigate frustrations, and understand differences in communication styles. We're sharing strategies to enhance communication, respect, and trust, regardless of which stage your relationship is in. This episode is a treasure trove of real-life insights and practical advice! So join us and take a step towards a more fulfilling relationship.
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Hello and welcome to season two of Marriage in Real Life with your host, eric and Patsy Richards. Marriage in Real Life is a podcast about two imperfect people with an imperfect marriage. This podcast aims to help listeners to know that God, who is perfect, can use your imperfections and your imperfect marriage to help others. So let's laugh and learn. I hope you enjoy the episode. Let's get straight into it.
Speaker 3:Well, welcome to Marriage in Real Life.
Speaker 4:Welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3:Welcome, welcome, I'm glad to be back. Aren't you glad to be back? I am, I am Alright, I'm so excited. You're so excited. Why are you so excited, babe?
Speaker 4:I just love talking to the people I love here and their responses. I love the interaction on the chat.
Speaker 3:This is awesome. Okay, alright, cool. Well, hey, we'll just give a shout out to all of everybody who's watching with us this evening. You know, as we normally start out, we start out with. You know what's been happening, right?
Speaker 4:What's been happening? What's been?
Speaker 3:happening, you know. It hasn't been happening what hasn't been happening?
Speaker 4:Yes, there's so much going on. We've been so, so busy.
Speaker 3:How busy have we been? How busy have we been?
Speaker 4:Too busy for me to schedule my size.
Speaker 3:Oh, man, yeah, like when we do it this day.
Speaker 4:Oh no, we gotta do that. So it's been tight.
Speaker 3:It's been tight Alright, hey, hey. So you know, hey, we just celebrate clergy appreciation month. Yes, yes, we appreciate you. Thank you, we really really do, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4:We have no idea how much.
Speaker 3:Oh man, wow, yeah, it was a. I appreciate it. I appreciate the church and what they did for me. I also appreciate the. You know the crew, I would say the retreat crew. Yeah, give a shout out to them. Yeah, the videos were amazing. The videos were amazing, you know.
Speaker 3:You know sometimes people don't realize, but you know we get. You know sometimes people don't. They just don't say how much you. They don't realize how much you do. You know, and as you were saying yesterday, you know you're praying, you're doing all of this kind of stuff and and sometimes people, you know I mean we're doing it for God. I mean I know I'm doing it for God, but every now and then you like to be appreciated, you know, and so I appreciate the, I appreciate the retreat crew and I appreciate the church who did so much for me.
Speaker 3:And you know I didn't do like a lot of pastors. A lot of pastors they went and put all these stuff on Facebook. You know what they got and all this kind of stuff. Because you know I don't need to. I need to just let the people who who is doing for me, just let them know. I don't need to let everybody know what my church is doing for me. That's what I feel sometimes, and so I just appreciate them. So I'm going to give them another shout out, all right. So also the I mean these date night man photos, tiktok videos.
Speaker 4:I mean they coming in boy, I'm telling you it is so awesome to see that you guys are enjoying each other company.
Speaker 3:Oh man, that is so good. So, so warm, so so warm. Yeah, it does our heart so warm. You know, we haven't been able to really get a good date in because we've been so busy. We, we got a new place next door to us, the church is good. Hey, man, I'm telling you, we expanding our little place that we can do bank, bank, bank, bigger bank quits now bigger baby shower was bigger, you know, bigger events like that. So the Lord has been really blessing us and we thank God for that.
Speaker 3:And we see TJ is on the line and we give a shout out to TJ. What's going on? Tj? All right, anybody else, if you're on the line, come on. Just, you know, we put your name there so we can give you a shout out. Yeah, and everybody's seeing you messing with your hair. I feel weird. You feel weird. Why do you feel weird? I tell you, oh, we had a one member join the church. Yes, yeah, yeah, that was good, that was good. Yeah, we had one member join the church. What else happened? You know what else happened. You know, can you think of anything else?
Speaker 4:I can't think of anything else. It's just. I think we pretty much cover everything, yeah, the majority of it.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, Okay, cool, Cool. Well, we know that we wanted to touch on. We wanted to touch on this topic that came out. You know about the restaurants, right?
Speaker 4:No, the date list where I don't want to go. Yeah, the date list where you can't take me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the date list where you can't take, you know. I mean, come on, you know, list of places where women on first date you know they don't want to go, or viral you know that went viral. All right, some of this is some of the places, all right, so yeah, here's a list of places women absolutely refute. This is it. This is a list of people, lists of places women absolutely refuse they say they refuse to go on a first date to. And thank you to the ladies who reached out to me to help me on this list. And you know, I guess it all came from this lady who didn't get out of the car because this young gentleman was taking her to Cheesecake Factory, you know, and so you know she didn't get out the car. So now number one is Cheesecake Factory, you know you don't eat there.
Speaker 3:You don't eat there, so you don't even matter, all right. So yeah, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake Factory, applebee's, chili's, chipolay, olive Garden, and now they don't want to go to none of those restaurants. You know, on the first date, right, they don't want to go to the movies. Right, they don't want to go to the movies. They don't want to go to your house, they don't want to go to any fast food chain, all right, but they want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. You know, wingstop, red Lobster. They don't want to go to a buffet, they don't want to go to IHOP, they don't want to get no breakfast. No, two for two for two. You know, two for two. They don't want to go to Denny's. They don't want to go to the gym.
Speaker 3:And number 16 was really surprising. The first date, they don't want to go to the church. You know, they don't want to go to church. They don't want to go to Starbucks, coffee dates, ice cream dates, family functions, movie night with Netflix, hooloid somewhere that requires a long drive, bowling nightclub. It's like, where do you want to go on your first date? Oh, me, I mean. No, I'm asking the question. I think you, when you look at this list, I mean where do you want to go? Because there's no place that you can take them that's not requiring like a $100, $200. I don't understand. Can you give me some help with this?
Speaker 4:I feel like if I can take myself to those places without having to look and see what's on the price on the menu, if I can take myself to those places, then I expect to be taken to those places. But these are some pretty decent restaurants to go to. And also, I think this list is created by single women.
Speaker 3:You think so?
Speaker 4:They don't have a date.
Speaker 3:Oh man, look at. Jordan says his first date was to Dennis and if I know Jordan, he probably wanted to share the two for two for two. You get a sausage, I get a sausage. You probably had a coupon if I don't join.
Speaker 4:All right, all right. So, Ace, you wasn't hungry when you left, did?
Speaker 5:you.
Speaker 3:They TJ, tell us when you took your wife to you know, on her first day, on her first eating out date. You know this is I mean, it's just like you said. I think this is written by single women who is not looking for conversation, because a lot of these places you can have a conversation now, you know you can't have a conversation in the movies but a lot of these places you're trying to get to know somebody right, that's what you're trying to do. So you're trying to take them out to eat, the way you can get to know them right. And you don't want. Look, if you were to be real now, this is real, real, real. I know guys who would say this if I'm going to take you out and I'm going to spend a whole lot of money on you, then something's going to happen that night.
Speaker 4:That's disgusting.
Speaker 3:I'm just being real. I'm just being real. That's how I'm just being real, babe.
Speaker 4:You mean like when you're not unsaving, following it a little.
Speaker 3:Yeah, when you're not unsaving, following the Lord. That's why I say I know, guys, you know, that's the way I used to think before I turned to the Lord. You know, you know what I'm saying, but that's the attitude of some guys.
Speaker 4:So when you're dating me. That was your intentions of feeding me so you can get something in return. No, yeah, yeah, don't back up on that, because you just said that, homeboy. So the whole time it's meant to say dinner is not dinner, it's food, you know. So it's like now I see you lucky, you married me, you lucky we married. Because I'd be like dude for real, for real.
Speaker 3:But our first date wasn't to, you know, our first date was to the beach, right?
Speaker 4:Shut up.
Speaker 3:I got to give a shout out of that.
Speaker 4:And you didn't even see me. I didn't even feed you See, you know so I think like when you set the bar that high, you got to be able to handle that high on your own. Like I can buy myself, I can buy myself a $500 handbag. I can afford to do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can Not always, but I can afford to do that.
Speaker 4:So if you ask me what gift I want, and I want that bag, it's something that I can buy for myself on and see if you can handle that as well. Because if you can't handle buying me that same bag that I can purchase for myself, we ain't on the same level.
Speaker 3:Oh man, hey, look at here Somebody. Hey, somebody, better give us some divorce counseling, better give us you, better give us some divorce counseling.
Speaker 4:I agree, I'm like I would love an ice cream date. Yes.
Speaker 3:Because that's one simple things, that you're trying to get to know somebody. Why would you want to spend $100 on a big meal and you don't even know what's going to come out of it? Let's do some, you know, they say let's get to know, each other.
Speaker 3:They get to know each other. Well, I take you out. Okay, I plan a date to go to a seafood restaurant, right, and you're allergic to seafood. Now what the sense does that mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, at least let's get to know each other. So I know the next time on a food you know next time we're getting ready to go that you are allergic to food and there's certain kind of food and you don't like this certain kind of food, or I plan a date. I mean, come on, so this, like you said, I believe these people are single. Look what they're saying on the chat.
Speaker 4:Baby, you've been looking at it On the chat. Let's see. Oh, hi Ty, Hi Missy.
Speaker 3:Hey, hey, hey, hey, well, Atlanta All right.
Speaker 4:Well, like I said, she would love an ice cream date. And is he say you know she? I agree. Don't bring it to the table. Don't bring to the table, ask her for something that you can't do for yourself or you can't handle and which I think is really important. I mean, it's okay to set your standards high.
Speaker 5:Right right.
Speaker 4:You know, if you you talking to a person, you need to establish where you are going, because me I'm always saying where we going, where we going, where we going, because I don't like surprises like that. I want to know where I'm going to go.
Speaker 4:So, that should already be out on the table. I also feel like you know a lot of these women that that are putting me on this list. They single women because if you married, you already know what your wife want. You already know she gonna eat. You already know Right right right. Easy put our first day. We didn't even eat Mmm. That's why we were busy in conversation until the sun came up.
Speaker 3:All right, that's good, I get you that. That's a great thing, it's inexpensive, you get him to know, but it's like this, this look at this, knit somewhere that requires a long drive and what does person say? A bar? A bar for just drinks. You know nightclubs? I can understand a night, well, I don't know. But you know the church, it seems like this person, the ladies you know who wrote this? Because he again, here's a list of places women absolutely refuse to go on a first date. And to thank you, to thank you to the ladies who reached out to me, have me put on a list. So it's not like it's that one person, it was a whole bunch of people that you know, like you know, like you say, like coffee dates, you know things like that. They didn't, they didn't want to go Because one guy says look, it's only a section of women that wants that. Like you said, some women, they just want to, they just want to get to know each other, they want to get to know you, you know you know criminal.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And sometimes, and sometimes you can't. How would I say this? Sometimes you have to look, look above that.
Speaker 3:Right, right right.
Speaker 4:You can't put all your ducks in a row. You want to get to know this person and you want to do something simple. Right, you want to. You want to do something simple because you don't want to spend $200 on a meal and then realize, boy, I don't like this oh.
Speaker 3:I don't yeah.
Speaker 4:She just too much for me, so we have to be careful in that aspect.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:TJ say that first day was at Meisner.
Speaker 3:Park that's in Boca. They went to the beach. Yeah, that's good, that's good. And you know, jordan, you would, jordan, say that's my son. Did you want to say look, our first date?
Speaker 4:when you say our first day was at Deniz and we made that comment, he says say what you want, she's still here, she's still there, baby, all right, j I get to you, I get to you I think it's more or less the single women, but at this day in time, with their, with their, with such a limited amount of men out there because they either anyway, so it was such a small amount of men out there and they put in this way they don't want to go on a date, they may not ever end up with a spouse.
Speaker 3:Right, they may not.
Speaker 4:Especially the one who put her face out there because now God's going to be like oh, no, I don't want to do with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh yeah, I don't even want to do with you. All right, that's good conversation. All right. Now to get this last one here. Malika says I think context what did she say? I think context and the man's intentions heart determines if a place is appropriate or not. I like that.
Speaker 3:Okay, I like that. Got the way the way, do you? That's what that, mr Lover, ain't what his name, dr Lou? All right, it was a Dr Love. First date with Sparkle was J Burrs muddy waters, but one of her favorites was Jesse Ry down the beach from Pompano to Palm Beach. Yeah, right, right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and you remember I told you once before we went on. Eric and I have gone on so many different anniversary trips and we went on a cruise and we've done so many things and my most favorite one was when we just got in the car and just took off Right. And we got tired. We got a hotel. When we were hungry, we stopped to eat, we just cruised around like Florida.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we had an end point, because I knew where I wanted to take you to. That was to the train, but getting there was it was just so much fun. It was our favorite. We got to do it again we got to do it again.
Speaker 4:We got to do it again. That was simple and we are married, so we do know what we like in each other.
Speaker 3:but when you're single, you got to do it.
Speaker 4:If you're looking for a spouse. If you're looking for a spouse, and keep your list, but if you're looking for a spouse, you got to be in a compromise.
Speaker 5:Yeah, you do.
Speaker 4:Sometimes you can't keep asking these guys.
Speaker 3:All right, that's our Vala moment for tonight, all right. So tonight we're ready to get into our topic. We're ready to get into our topic, all right, we're going to talk about four common weekend arguments and how to prevent them. For common weekend arguments and how to prevent them, all right. So, as I was reading this from preparing it rich, all right, it was talking about and I'm going to read it, and it's, and it's funny because it happens to couples when we'll we'll talk about, you know, other than the number four. But they say it's Friday afternoon, the weekend is just a few hours away.
Speaker 3:After another busy week, you can't wait to relax with your family, get a few chores done and possibly have some friends over for dinner. One night, your neck you. You text your spouse to see what you should pick up from the grocery store for said dinner, but you're caught off guard by their response. They say what dinner? Right, you know. They say what dinner. We can't have people over. We're starting the downstairs bathroom remodel this weekend, remember, boy, that's dead. So that's, that could be an argument. Because you got dinner, we can start this, you know. And so what is saying? You rack your brain to trying to figure out how the wires got cross, all right. And so we're going to talk about that tonight, because sometimes it does happen with married couples that you know that number one happens.
Speaker 3:Number one is over scheduling. All right, over scheduling, all right. So somebody has something scheduled and another person has something scheduled, or you or you know and you didn't talk about their schedule and then all of a sudden on Friday night, y'all not, you know, you not, you, it, it schedules are not working out. You're over scheduling, you're over doing things. You know somebody may say this weekend we're doing remodeling like of the like they said, remodeling of the bathroom or whatever. And you saying, well, I, you know, I didn't know, so I invited people over for dinner. You know that just ain't working, you know. So you don't want to make sure you have over scheduling. What you think about that?
Speaker 4:I think you should call those people in camp. You know that's not because when, when, when, when people are invited over, a lot of that responsibility falls on the wife okay, cuz we got to make sure.
Speaker 4:Oh man, I didn't clean the guest bathroom, so the best guest bathroom gotta be done. Oh, wait a minute. I also got to stop by the store and pick up this and pick up that, and I gotta be the one to cook it. And I'm gonna tell you Something on a Friday, especially when I had a long week- I'm not trying to have no it, I'm not trying to have nobody over for dinner.
Speaker 5:Right, right, right Right week was rough.
Speaker 4:I'm not trying to entertain people.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 4:So I think it's a Miscommunication right, yeah, so my biggest thing is when I say to you oh, you know, I think I'm gonna go do so. And so you like, well, don't forget, we got to do something. I'm like, well, when do we have to do that? And the first thing you say is I told you. Like you didn't tell me that.
Speaker 3:I'll be telling you, baby, you just don't be remembering man. Okay, all right, you don't think, you don't think you be forgetting. Sometimes, now that you're getting my age, is now you getting, you know, you're coming along my age, now you know, you know even talk about that.
Speaker 4:But what I can say is If I plan, if, if you plan something without communicating with me, okay. It sets off all kind of motion because now the weekends for me to go down deal and most likely I won't speak to you until Sunday morning.
Speaker 3:Jesus, oh man, I can't even get you know. Clap on that one man, because you know, speak to me till Sunday morning.
Speaker 4:I'm just saying because sometimes you know we have too much going on. It's not just the physical part of work, it's the mental part right, right yeah and it makes you physically tired.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, I, like you, know the last sentence of this. This number one here says no matter the specifics and over scheduled weekend can lead to feeling burnt out and cranky with each other. Oh man, I got it, yeah, yeah. Anybody say no, I nobody saying I'm about to check by there about over scheduling. I wonder how many people out there over schedule a weekend.
Speaker 4:But when you have children, you you have to have a schedule. But when you, when you have little ones, maybe they might be on soccer team, cheerleading or Dance team or something you know you have to schedule your life around them. So imagine, you know little Tommy got a soccer game on Saturday at 2 and you want the fellas to come over and hang out in the backyard and barbecue. Oh, that was a good run, baby. You know you want to do that again. Who does that fall on?
Speaker 3:Well, a lot of times, if you got the fellas coming over, who doing the barbecue that guy is? Who cleaning up after the woman is oh Lord, now we come with this woman, man type of thing.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, I'm all down for it. If you're gonna invite the fellas over and you're gonna clean up after they leave, I'm cool with that.
Speaker 5:All right.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna ask the barbecue to, but if I gotta be the one in there making side dishes, it's a lot. I can make this. Say you a shared cat. She said a shared calendar works best, and chicken in with your spouse before making plant.
Speaker 3:Absolutely all right, I get it, I get you one for the road is, nathan? All right, but you know, like you said, a shared calendar. You know that brings up this. You remember in Okinawa we talking about, you know, over scheduling. Or you know, like you say, putting a schedule when you, especially when you got kids, when the twins had soccer, peaches had soccer and one, you know they'd be in a foster and they want to be a kinser and one.
Speaker 3:And then when Jordan Start playing, lord have mercy. You know we was out there the whole day, out there for soccer games and baseball. It was just, it was, it was a lot. But I guess his parents, you know you would rather that happen, you know, but it goes back to scheduling, you know. And when you couldn't be, you know not that you couldn't be like if it was the same time past, you go here and I go there. You know we split up, you know. So that's schedule, that's it, you know. So, all right, what Jordan says Malak and I have had an hectic month full of over scheduled weekends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that can lead to being cranky. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, get aggravated.
Speaker 3:You give it like man I can't wait to this month, it's over and things like that, you know, and so that can lead, you know, lead to arguments, and we don't want arguments, you know. We want something, like you know, and I believe you know Jordan wants everything. Calm down. Y'all to be all right? Yeah, I'll just move in now, so y'all to be good, all right, all right, so the next one so that's the first number one is over schedule. Thank you, it's Maitre, all right, the furg is here. The furg is here. What's up? Furg? So yeah, that's a great suggestion again by Izzy is, you know, make sure you have a shared calendar. You know if it's Google, whatever it is, you know, and the thing about it is like, unlike my wife, right, patsy Richards, she don't use is Maitre, she don't use electronic stuff like that. She got to walk around with her big book or calendar and I have to put the stuff in the calendar. You know, that's just the way it is right. Okay, all right.
Speaker 5:Okay, all right, all right.
Speaker 3:Um.
Speaker 4:I agree with that. I agree with that. Um virtual melodies share that calendar, communicate and respect your spouse's time. That's what I'm talking about. Respect my time.
Speaker 3:That's time listen, that's time, that's time.
Speaker 4:That's right. Respect my time. Don't. Don't schedule something for me and then don't know what I got going on.
Speaker 3:Okay, all right, appreciate it All right. And next number one is over scheduling. Number two is a good one. Number two is a good one, baby, listen to this one Listen. Chores versus chill. I don't even want to give a clap on that one. You got to choose between chores versus chill and I would tell you this in football season, I would rather chill than do chores. All right, now I give me a clap. That's the reality, you know. But that can create arguments, don't you think?
Speaker 4:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Okay, you got to remember. We got to do the podcast. You know everybody's not okay, absolutely.
Speaker 4:And it does, because you want to chill and watch football. But the dishes still got to be done, the fireworks, like the towel, still got to be folded, the house still got to be clean. So how long is football season?
Speaker 3:football season. Come on, guys, help me out, is you know? It's till February.
Speaker 4:Okay, so we need to make the oh, somebody come in oh boy 95. And when I come?
Speaker 3:home, you don't pull no. Nine to five.
Speaker 4:Hey, I wrote full time. I wrote full time. Hey, listen, people might be on here.
Speaker 3:All right, you sleep full time. That's what you do. It's a shame that I call you, and the first thing I say to you you sleep.
Speaker 4:Why you at work? This is not true. Come on now. Business out there, like that. I take an occasional nap, but for the most part I be working, you know. But let's get, let's not, let's not get off this. Okay, you football players I mean I'm fans out there, don't?
Speaker 3:wear basketball season to.
Speaker 4:I get it, but I'm not gonna be a maid, I'm not gonna try. I'm trying to keep the house together. So, in the event that somebody pop up at the house, the house looks decent and you want to chill and watch football and basketball all the time.
Speaker 3:But how many, not all the time, you kind of have in months, come on, come on.
Speaker 4:All right I need a housekeeper once a week.
Speaker 3:You see what Izzy just said. That's right, you know she's gonna oh boy, I ain't gonna easy. I'm not giving you no clap for that one. No. So yeah, chores versus chill. That can create an argument, but I think what needs to be done because you know football, don't? You know, really, on a special Saturday don't start at like 1231 o'clock is, get up early on Saturday morning and you know, and just start doing your chores.
Speaker 4:You know, wake up to 12 o'clock on a Saturday.
Speaker 3:But I do my chores, I don't do my chores.
Speaker 4:But no. I don't, no, I don't do my chores in a timely manner, or if you see me start doing it, then you'll start, and I'm like you know what. You can just go ahead and sit down Now already done, started is sure.
Speaker 3:Oh boy, why you put my business out there on the street.
Speaker 4:I'm just saying I ain't gonna hurt him.
Speaker 3:All right, all right, that's good Over scheduling. Number one chores versus chill, all right. So you might be able to go on to have a perfectly peaceful weekend, or you might find yourselves in an argument and end up with a cloud of annoyance and resentment hanging over you, no matter which way you end up spending it. So you want to make sure that that pray out to one of you would give the other wishes, or you will go about your plans separately or some combination of both. So we got to make sure we give it. That's what you know.
Speaker 3:Marriage is give and take, right, give and take. You know we got to understand. You know all football games. You know we can go and we can listen to it while we're doing the chores. Right, we don't have to see it and and all that kind of stuff. So you know it's not only the man now, because sometimes the women don't want to do stuff on the weekend to. They don't want to do the chores, they rather chill to. They rather go and get massages and all that kind of stuff. Right, I don't know about other women with.
Speaker 4:On Thursday I come home and I clean, because I don't want to do it on Friday and I definitely want to do it on Saturday, okay, so how much do you with? First say Thursday is his super clean day? He do.
Speaker 3:Ferg is a military person and he talking about Thursday's field day. That's he just stealing it. No matter how old he and he is the oldest of the group no matter how old he is, he's still going to do field day on a Thursday. That's Ferg, right there? All right, all right, all right, all right.
Speaker 3:So, and so the number one is over scheduling, number two is chores versus chill, and number three is something that happens sometimes when things don't go right you get the Sunday night blues. Sunday night blues, so it's saying that the end of the weekend rolls around and you in a bad mood. The weekend just didn't shape up how you envision it. You wanted to go out for brunch, meal plan and grocery shop for the week and have some nice time to yourself, but none of that happened for one reason or another, so you didn't get to do what you wanted to do. So here comes Sunday and you know you got to go to work Monday. Right, you got to get up at six o'clock, you know whatever to go to work Monday.
Speaker 3:So now here come the Sunday night blues. And when you have the Sunday night blues, you can get cranky with your partner, and we don't want that, right? Nope, we don't want that Right. So it says not the weekend, it's practically over, you're feeling crappy and you're taking it out on your spouse, right, and we don't want to take it out on, you know, on somebody else, because we didn't get to do it, you know. So how do how can we avoid the Sunday night blues? How can what you think is a way that we can you know if somebody got some help, you know, on the on the chat there, you know, tell us how can you avoid the Sunday night blues?
Speaker 4:I think and I go back and look at what Melissa and Ty said, and also is made to with the shared calendar, you won't have that issue. That is your issue, won't, you know, be a problem? Communication is key, right, you have to communicate. You have to communicate in everything.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 4:Right Once you lay down the rules. Okay, so if football comes on at noon, you need to be up by nine. Sorry, you worked overnight but you need to be up by nine so you can start whatever it is that you need to do. Or it don't even have to be done on Saturday, A little week. You can write this and do that, Like. I find that from Sunday to Wednesday I got different handbags all over the house, Some in the kitchen, some in the kitchen.
Speaker 5:Y'all hear that.
Speaker 4:Some here.
Speaker 3:I'm like, it's like handbags all over the house.
Speaker 4:So on Thursday I go and I pick them up. So I think just organizing, having a schedule, communication will conquer that Sunday blues. Because how are you going to start a week tired? You want to be refreshed. So Sunday should be a day of relaxation and taking pride in all the things that got done over the weekend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a day of rest. I mean, you should be relaxing, eating, taking naps, doing whatever on Sundays. So hey, look at here, we had every Sunday naps, you know? Oh yeah, all right, ferg, all right. Yeah, for example, I'm a man first that had nothing to do with the military. Yeah, I went for it. Were you cleaning on Thursday before you joined the military? That's our day. That was our day of field day. Thursday was our field day. That's what we? Yeah, every Thursday we had the field day, our room. They were just put into us. They didn't wrong with it. Like you said, ain't nothing wrong with it. I'm just messing with her because he's the oldest.
Speaker 3:You know I hear the elder statements and other statesmen.
Speaker 4:I chose to do it on Thursday because I knew when I came home from work I wasn't going to want to do it. I may want to chill, have a glass of wine, take a bubble bath, but if the house is not clean, that bubble bath is just what it is. It's not relaxing, because now I got to get up and sweat again. So you know, on Friday I want to chill.
Speaker 5:On Saturday.
Speaker 4:I want to go get that massage if I'm scared to do something. Yeah, I want to have my time so I can do what I want to do while you, and I don't have a problem with you watching football. You want to play football all day if you want, Because I know doing that time. I love football season Basketball too.
Speaker 3:Oh, because you know you get the card and you just do whatever you want to do, don't you?
Speaker 4:I hit them all a few times, a few dozen times, but you know that's my time because I know that's what you like. So I want you to have that time, but I also want us to be in a unit when it comes down to the home.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, that's good. I like that baby. All right, it's as if it leaves the furgen love. All right. Now the fourth and last one no way I said the furgen, All right.
Speaker 3:The last one is something that you've been, you know, that you talk about. I mean, we even had this even in the marriage retreat. You know is the last one, and that's communication failure. All right, that's it. Man, you know communication, you said it from the beginning. Communication is the case. So if you don't communicate, you're going to have argument. You're going to have an argument. I think it was Ty and Melissa that said that too. You know, you have the schedule and even you know I think we hit this even in the in the, in the retreat.
Speaker 3:Sometimes people think that you got to have verbal communication, Right. But having these, the online schedule, is communicating because you're telling you know, you know you maybe didn't say it verbally, but you're telling the spouse this is what we got planned, so that's a part of communication, Right. And so when you don't put stuff on the, if you agree that we've got to put stuff on the calendar and you forget, that's a part of a communication failure. So we got to communicate with the first sentence of this says. A common thread running through all of these arguments is a lack of communication. All right. This is whether it involves forgetting to tell each other about plans that involve the one or both of you, for getting to confirm tenetal plans with each other, or simply not communicating the plans you made in your head, oh God.
Speaker 4:That's what you do a lot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's me, that's me. I can't even give a clap on that, because that's me. I be having stuff in my head and I don't make plans and I forget about it and I don't put it on the calendar, and then all of a sudden, I would like to tell me that I told you and I'm like no, no, not all the time, but sometimes maybe now you're going to pull that back.
Speaker 4:Okay, that's all right, all right. Because I'm going to get to the point where I'll be like, okay, you can do that, but that's not what I'm going to do.
Speaker 3:You want to do the plans with me?
Speaker 4:I mean, if we sit down and plan together, that way I can say, okay, yeah, I was there when we made that arrangement. When you make these arrangements in your head and then tell me I have to fall in suit with them, I'm like wait a minute, I don't remember that.
Speaker 3:Okay, all right, look at this sentence. What is it? This is this? This? This brings back up what you just said, because when it's time for those plans to actually happen, everything comes crashing down. One or both of you are hearing about these plans for what seems like the first time. The first time, why do you?
Speaker 4:always mean like I don't remember this. I don't remember that, it's always me.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'll be saying it too. When you be saying stuff I'll be saying I don't remember it. You know, sometimes you make plans and I don't remember.
Speaker 4:Because what I would say is you know, babe, I meant to tell you that, okay, on the 11th I'm going to be doing this, Don't forget, or something I always tell you I never make plans without you knowing what I'm doing. Oh, why?
Speaker 3:Why you don't make plans without me knowing. Why you don't do that.
Speaker 4:I'm not sure. Well, because I mean, I think, out of respect, you should know what I'm doing, my whereabouts, you know what I'm doing.
Speaker 3:So you're saying I don't respect you Because I make plans and don't let you know?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I feel a sense of disrespect here. Yeah, you know, because everything that I, everything that in a marriage, in a I say in a marriage, but in this unit.
Speaker 3:Okay, in this unit, in this unit, all right.
Speaker 4:I feel it's important that we respect each other enough that we can let each other know what's going on with us mentally, physically, emotionally Because you know the Bible say we become one. Okay, so I think in all aspects we should be able to be in tune with each other and share things with each other. Have that respect Right, how you know if, if, if you're, if you're hurting and you're going through something and I don't know about it or you don't share it with with me, how can I help you?
Speaker 5:You're right, you're right.
Speaker 4:And it comes the same way with any other thing that happened, any other thing that's going on in the marriage. If this is too much, you need to be again. You know what I have to keep going back to the mop, to that whole rousal and thing and I'm not a rousal person but when, when, when, when, they're going to get rough for you. You got to tag me in, baby, you got to let me get in there and do your thing and pray against the enemy.
Speaker 4:Get down on my knees. You got to let me go out there and do it. But if you ain't tagging me in, how can I help? You know, in the same way, when I can't take it no more and it's so much, I got to be able to tag you in and that comes in every situation and making plans and letting me know, being on the same page as I am, you know, communicating, so we can do this thing. Now, it's not going to always be smooth sailing, and I get that and I understand it, and I know I know women get that, but for the most part we should at least be on the same path, at least 90% of the time. 90% of the time 90% of the time.
Speaker 3:you know this thing about the wrestling, like you say, you know you don't follow wrestling too much, but you know I did it for a long time, especially watching with my dad you know he jerking and jerking like it's real, you know and then going to a couple of wrestling things. You know when you, when you're a tag team and that's what people, I think couples, need to understand Like you say, you're a tag team and when the person is getting getting ready to tag you, you have to be there to tag.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, you had to be in place.
Speaker 3:You got to be in place, because if you're not in place, where can I'm going to tag? So you got to make sure you're there. So what happens is a lot of time is that when you are wrestling with an opponent, they have a. You know, usually they would have a manager and antagonists on the outside. So what they're trying to do is that to distract the person, not the person in the ring, but the person on the outside of the ring. You hear what I'm saying? So the antagonist now is trying to distract the person on the outside of the ring. So when the person get ready to tag, they're not there.
Speaker 3:And it's seen it in so many matches that when the person get ready to tag, he got his hand out and he's looking around for the person that's tagging the person. His teammate is out there wrestling with the antagonist. The antagonist ain't got nothing to do with the match. And so the same thing happens with the couples is that we cannot get distracted by the enemy that's on the outside that's trying to distract us from when our partner needs help and they got their hand out, the tag. You know that, hey, that person is there. We cannot let the antagonist, the enemy, Satan, whatever you want to call him distractions, distractions is a big one. We can't let that stop us from being there for our spouse to tag. Come on, baby, tag me now. That's it. I got to be there to tag, all right.
Speaker 3:So let's see what Fer got to say over here, mm-hmm, look at that, fer, talk to us, for I give you one for.
Speaker 4:I don't think it. I don't Okay, you know he communicate with a lot of people, but he'll do a lot with me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I do. You're making me look bad tonight.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry babe.
Speaker 3:You know, you're my boy though.
Speaker 3:I'm your boy. Okay, all along, as I'm your boy. We good, you know we were dancing before we came up here, but we was, you know we was dancing, so that was good, all right, all right, so now we come down to the fix. So we got number one again. Number one is over scheduling. So over scheduling can cause an argument, and I think it's made the and tie in.
Speaker 3:Melissa came up with some good things. How to avoid over scheduling between each other is, you know put, you know put a online calendar where both of you have access to, and you could do that, and if you got and if you don't and I think what you would I like about you, babe, though, is that at the beginning of the year, you go down and you say January, this is what main thing we got. So we know what main thing we got, and you put it in our room, big enough for right out the door so we can see, because you know I was getting bad and you got there, and so one of the things you say, we got something important, some major thing, make sure we put it on the calendar.
Speaker 4:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Right. And so if you don't do, you know, do it that way so you won't have over schedule because they can create conflict, all right. Number two is chores versus chill. All right, you made a good suggestion. You know, try to get everything done on a Thursday or before that Friday. Try to get all you know. Take a time to get your chores done, so when Saturday come you can't chill. And if you don't do it, then get up early in the morning before like for me, football or basketball or whatever and do the chores. So now you can chill the rest of the day.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 3:Right, that sounds like a plan, that sounds like a plan. And then Sunday night blues. All right, sunday night, sunday night blues. And so all of this can help avoid Sunday night blues Absolutely. If we do scheduling, if we, you know, do what we do, because, again, nobody likes to schedule stuff on during the week and it's not getting done, it's like you just missed a party of life because you can't get that time back. All right, so we don't want Sunday night blues. And all of that leads to what? Communication?
Speaker 4:Communication so so, so important.
Speaker 3:All right, all right. So what first saying here? You're saying here seriously though me, and sometimes we keep decision plans to ourselves, yep, especially when we feel we messed up or she won't like it. Oh man, for I got to hit you. You're so right, that's what we do. All right, I have learned to give our woman a chance, thank you, and I told her my decision or the problem. She was okay with it or it was a bad, as I thought I should have told her when the first happened. You are so right for her.
Speaker 4:Absolutely right.
Speaker 3:You're right.
Speaker 4:We hate to find out stuff. We hate that. Yeah, yeah, we hate that. It's like we, you, you, you keep it to yourself to avoid our reaction.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 4:But then later on and we find out on our own. We knew you held that information. It's a volcano, Right, Right, Sometimes you. It takes a lot to come back from that because I'm your helpmate.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 4:I'm the one you supposed to lean on, I'm the one you supposed to confide in, I'm the one that's supposed to dry your tears, I'm the one that's supposed to, you know, be there, have your back, and I can have your back. If you can, let me know. Right, you got to let me know.
Speaker 3:Okay, all right, you know, and I, like you said, I think that's the, that's just a bad thing, that that we do and we shouldn't do that.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I'm trying to get the the calling, the calling thing together.
Speaker 4:We got what?
Speaker 3:How many minutes we got to? We got quite a. We got quite a few. You know, we got quite a few times to go.
Speaker 4:And so sounds to say that was him. I think he was back with like um we were talking about. He should call in who.
Speaker 3:Who? Harold? Harold, hey, how are you? You heard, you heard. You heard. You heard the lady has spoken. She said you need to, you need to call in. That's what she says.
Speaker 4:I didn't say, I see his statement but I can't remember where we were in the conversation. But you know it's so important to to do it together. Like I said, I know I always say I'm marriage couples, but you know it's such a team, such a unit, such a you know how. You know how your, your your group, when you were in the military how you.
Speaker 4:You would say, oh, my unit is doing so and so, right, and so that's how I feel about a marriage. We got to do this thing together, right, we got to do the. We can't. We can't make it if I'm going to the left and you go into the right. We have to be on that same one accord. We have to be on that same Um. We have to have those same goals. Okay, we have to do that. 90%. We're going to always be at 100 and in, in, in marriages, you have to be okay with not always being 100. Okay, communication is definitely the key.
Speaker 3:You can't say it enough.
Speaker 4:You know, I just can't. It helps resolve so many things, because now you know and also this call may be recorded or transcribed.
Speaker 3:All right, hold on, I'm coming to you.
Speaker 4:And also I lost my train of thought. But if you, if, if I know how you feel and and you know how I feel, we can pull this thing together. Yeah, we can do this.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 3:All right, we got to call in. We got to call in. Hey, come on, all right.
Speaker 5:Hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:Hey, come on, you all right. You all right. You know your family, brother, you can call in. Can you hear us good?
Speaker 5:All right, how y'all doing.
Speaker 3:Oh, we doing good. We doing good. What you got for us today, that's good.
Speaker 5:When I said that was me, I was when you guys talking about, like you know, having plans, I keep playing. Sometimes, like me, there's what have like a little Macaulay debate and I've like, nah, babe, I did tell you that you remember when I told you that? Well, no, it was always in my head, but I never really sat down and talked it out.
Speaker 3:Oh well, I'm like, I'm like that too.
Speaker 4:So in your head you actually told her what you really did. That's what you're saying.
Speaker 5:At times, at times. At times it's possible.
Speaker 3:I'm pretty sure you ain't the only one that does that because, yeah, it's like I wouldn't hear from Ms Mather.
Speaker 4:Hey, like Eric would be. Like like he literally sat down and thought about the whole thing and he had a whole conversation with me in his mind, but he never told me no. So I get it.
Speaker 3:I get it. Hey, that's how these ball. You know us ball head juggers. We gotta keep this. He got to keep together, man, but I All right, man. Thank you for calling in. Thank you for calling in. Bless you there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we do All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 4:All right, ferg, you're right, we do tell our girlfriend some things. We tell them things that that irritates us about y'all.
Speaker 4:See, and that's you know, but y'all should let he didn't put this is right there, I fold the laundry, I put it right there, right next to the this laundry thing I'm just using as an example. Okay, let's say, all right, this is the cars. Right there, the car needs to be detailed, the car needs to be clean, and then, oh well, I'm going to go ahead and do it, and then when I do it, he want to drive it All right, right.
Speaker 3:We got another call in. We're going to be quiet on that. We got another call in. It's Mather is calling in. It's Mather how you doing.
Speaker 2:All right, I want to hear from me. Since the past. He said it all already. This joke will be having a full conversation. And he said they don't ever get to me. And he's like don't you remember? No, sir, we never had a conversation. Hmm.
Speaker 4:Oh my God, so I'm experiencing this in 30 years. How long we been married 31?.
Speaker 3:So you do y'all.
Speaker 2:No, he better get it together. I ain't got 30 years.
Speaker 4:Oh wow, We've been married 31 years and.
Speaker 2:I'm still doing I don't know. You better come get him.
Speaker 4:I'm like, are you serious? So yeah, some, you know I choose my battles. And when I just can't do it. When I can't take it no more, I go to the mall.
Speaker 3:Don't do that to my brother, don't do that to my brother.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll just take a nap because I listen. I don't have to deal with this. I'm not going to go with him. If I didn't know, and my plan was to relax for the weekend. I'm not going to nobody's tailgate, nobody's bar. I'm not going to watch no sports. I'm going to go, put my pajamas on and lay in the bed.
Speaker 3:Oh, I hear you All right. All right, thank you for calling Hi.
Speaker 4:Oh, man and we don't want to go to know. I'm taking you out to dinner, babe. Okay, cool, where we going. That's a surprise. You get there and it's a sports bar so you can watch the game over my head while I eat. I just can't. Yeah, this is in a good man.
Speaker 3:I need some help, for God needs some help, you need no help.
Speaker 4:He bashing me, tommy, that's proof right there Passing on. Know how long they've been married? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, counting after 30. But you know he put this song up here, one of the one of the deepest songs by Prince. If I was your girlfriend, exactly, and use my girlfriend. But you know what? It's not that it's some. When we confide in our girlfriends, it's only because it's not to tear you, get down or anything.
Speaker 2:Like I need a outlet.
Speaker 4:I need a vent because I can't go to him and tell him that I'm frustrated with him about this because it's going to be mediocre to him. Because that you know, and sometimes it could be the little things I remember I needed to do laundry. I mean Eric and Eric had on use all the laundry, so he didn't replace it and usually when I use the laundry is the last of the laundry, so I replace it. So if he's going to come and he's going to do the laundry, do his laundry or whatever. You know it's there. So I come. I was so excited I told everybody at work I say I'm going to go home, do my laundry, get everything situated, because Saturday you know chillax and the whatever. And they was like yeah, girl, we hear you. So I get home. And it's no longer so when I tell you I had a fit.
Speaker 4:I was like why didn't you replace the laundry? So what is wrong with you? I mean, I literally went off on this binge of anger and rage. Yeah, you did. You did point where he said, well, I'll just go get some laundry, so you could have got that. Yesterday you knew I wanted to do my dear whatever. I talked to my brother maybe about five minutes after Eric love. He was like hey, sis, what's going on? I was like man, erin, and make me so mad. He pissed me off. I'm so mad. He was like what happened? He used the lunch, he was like laundry so, and when he said that I just died laughing. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe. I went on a whole ramp about this laundry. So when it wasn't that serious, it was a laundry.
Speaker 4:So sometimes when we talk to our girlfriends, it's really just just a just event.
Speaker 3:It's, it's, it's, and maybe guys we don't talk to our guy friends enough, you know. Just event, you know, because you know guys would have to hold stuff in, we do. I mean, I mean there's a lot of people that don't. I mean it's just certain people. I can tell certain things too, you know, but still don't tell I mean I don't talk enough. You know, sometimes guys don't talk enough to just get it, get it all out and when it, by holding it, when it gets ready to ball over, it just boils over and again, like we said tonight, it affects the wife, it's a picture, it affects your spouse.
Speaker 3:It affects the relationship and sometimes it boils over to the kids and you, really, you know it. Just that you did, just didn't get it off your chest, what you laughing at over.
Speaker 4:Whatever you bring up, I'll be trying to look for a different. I'll find a different example.
Speaker 3:Because if she ain't bringing up laundry, she's bringing about folding the towels for her.
Speaker 4:I didn't say nothing about them towels.
Speaker 3:You did mention something about folding the towels this week. I mean, I mean on our broadcast tonight.
Speaker 4:Okay, I won't, but I'm just saying you know, you, you, you're right, you're right, you know you got easy.
Speaker 3:I mean I don't. I don't. I mean first, is you know, like when you speak on it, we can't show weakness to each other. But I don't.
Speaker 4:I don't. I mean, I don't know how you guys feel with that, because, as a female, it's not showing showing weakness to one another. You know what I'm saying? We feel like girl, I feel you, but guess what? At the end of the day, I love me. Some hands, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. You've got the right to, you've got the, which is what I hope. That's what, at the end of the day, I love me. Some him, no matter how frustrated or aggravated or irritated I get.
Speaker 4:I still love him. When you know to make a blush First love. So you do. So you guys got to be a little bit more, it's okay. Um, stop saying Melissa's not going on. Oh God, that's it. Oh man, that's how I mean it, eric. And the Christmas decorations, oh jeez. So my thing is, once he get them up, he won't take them down. They stay up to the next year. I'm like you know what? We ain't putting up? No more Christmas decorations.
Speaker 5:Christmas trees yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. The neighbors looking at us like we ain't going to take them down. Hey lookie, I got Christmas lights still hanging around there, boy.
Speaker 4:Two years they still wrapped around the tree. I can't yeah. But I mean, and you know, you just um, you're good.
Speaker 3:Hey, you know what, Before we get off, please make sure you like this video. Make sure you like it. If you're on Facebook, make sure you share it. Make sure you share it. Make sure you like it. You know, we would love for you to come back later and I know we're in the chat going back and forth, but we would love for you to come back and just comment on it. You know, just come back and come in and just say you know, if you just want to put in there, I love tonight's, you know I'll put some hearts or something on the in the comment section. That'll be. That'll help us just get the word out, get this podcast out more than where it is. You know it's been fun tonight, baby.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it has been.
Speaker 3:You know, I think it's fun.
Speaker 4:He guilty missing.
Speaker 3:I think it's fun that we just let people only have a way to express themselves and you know, and and we let people enter our lives, our funny lives, you know, our crazy lives, 30, almost 32 years and plus. You know, and just coming out, when I think about some of the things we talk about, when I say, man, I forgot about you know, I think about, man, I forgot, I remember this. I, you know, I was like wow, we did. That's a good time.
Speaker 4:You know, it's definitely nice to have some humor to it, but in the seriousness of it, communication is key.
Speaker 3:Well, you remember we had a topic about humor. You know you can't have a. You know like easy, call us. And this Joker here. You know, I know where she got that word from. So you know, long as you don't say cheese.
Speaker 4:Whatever, don't be bothered, I don't know. Again, thank you guys so much for tuning in with us. This is an amazing podcast. I find out a lot about myself as well. When we go through our study, I'm like, oh okay, this is a good one.
Speaker 4:Let's do this one and we really appreciate y'all tuning in with us. This has been so much fun. But listen, you guys, if you guys have a topic that y'all want us to discuss, please, please, please, send it to us so we can do some research. And you know we try to do some research. You know we try to. We try to go through our 31 years and pull things that was similar to what, to what we're going through. I mean, you know what we are going to speak on, so send us a text, you know, let us know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, please do Again. Please remember to like and share. Go back and listen on your favorite podcast. We are on Apple, we are on iHeartRadio, we are on Spotify, we are on Amazon. We are everywhere. So we want you to make sure you go and just listen to it again and again. Review Put a review there. Hey, give us five stars. Please Give us five stars, all right. Yeah, we need five stars, all right. Well, it's been fun, baby, I had a good night and it was very, very, very good and it gave me. Want to thank each and every person who was in the chat. We want to thank each and every person who called in, and we just want to say that we love our audience. Yes, we do, we love it, and we want to say good night.
Speaker 4:Good night. We love you guys.
Speaker 1:If you're hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope you enjoyed this new episode and, if you did, please rate and review our show on your favorite podcast channel. Please share this episode with others who may be interested in this topic and also feel free to let us know what topics you'd like to see covered in future episodes. Get in touch in the comments or on any social media networks at Marriage in Real Life podcast. See you in two weeks for our next episode.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
