Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
You don’t need permission to shine—own your light, set your boundaries, and walk in your purpose
The moment you stop asking permission to be yourself, the air changes. That’s the heartbeat of our season finale—a warm, candid journey through fear, faith, boundaries, and the quiet practices that rebuild confidence. I share the gratitude that carried me here (my “Minnie Mies,” my daughter-in-love, my husband’s late-night engineering), the joy of turning 58 with a surprise Atlanta trip and a John B. handshake, and the reminder that every age brings a new stage to shine.
We revisit the season’s big themes—protecting peace, reading red flags, and being honest about what women want—then go deeper into how presentation and purpose align. Not to police style, but to honor dignity and intention. I talk about shrinking in rooms that felt small, learning to celebrate my children without apologizing, finding circles where I can breathe, and anchoring my mornings in prayer, affirmations, music, and a fresh stack of library books. Confidence isn’t magic; it’s a habit.
A live caller opens a rich conversation on imposter syndrome. I trace my path from teen motherhood and shame to a steadier faith that asks, “Why not me?”—and means it. We also hold space for October’s twin spotlights: breast cancer awareness and domestic violence. I share a friend’s loss, celebrate survivors, stress early detection and mobile mammograms, and offer practical steps and resources for leaving abusive situations, especially when fear feels bigger than options. Through it all, the message stays the same: your peace is your power, and your light doesn’t need anyone’s permission.
If this conversation lifted you, pass it to someone who needs courage today. Subscribe, share, and leave a review with one way you’ll shine—without apology—this week.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
Hello, hello, hello. And thank you so much for joining. Let's talk about it. It's been a minute. And I'm so happy and excited to be back. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Lady P, Boss Lady C, and I am just elated that you are joining me. And this is the season finale. Wow, this has been definitely a journey. Let me tell you, it has really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Um, I just don't know. I if it was something that I had to think to do on my own, it never would have happened. However, I just I'm so grateful to my Minnie Mies and my daughter-in-love. They kind of pushed me toward this and said, hey, you got this, where I was thinking, who would really want to hear what I have to say? But you know, God made a way. So there's always a reason for the season. And I'm just grateful to them because they really, really said, no, you could do this. And I was really skeptical about it, but I am so grateful that I took that leap of faith and I stepped out there and and I did it. I also want to thank my babe, my engineer, and mommy's little man for his support. You know, um, they get busy, you know. He he he that um babe's work full time and full-time in ministry as well. But he takes out his time and he dedicated that to helping me get through um my podcast. So I appreciate him for that. And um, yeah, I appreciate you know, shout out to you, babe. And and mommy's little man, you know, he's working full time and he he has a little one. Um, and he just he supports me. So I'm grateful for that. Um, let's talk about what I've been up to. Oh my goodness, I've been up to so much. I recently celebrated my 58th birthday. Oh, 58 years. I was talking to, I believe I was talking to my daughter. I'm not even sure who I was talking to, but I said to her something that um my babes has said to me in the past. He said, you know, when you're growing up, you be like, I can't wait to be 10, I can't wait to be 18, I can't wait to be 21. But whoever says I can't wait to be 50 or I can't wait to be 68, so it is truly a blessing that God has spared me and saw fit for me to see 58 years, and I am forever grateful to him for that. So um my babes took me to Atlanta, Georgia for the weekend. Um, I had such a great time hanging out with our nephew and niece and our cousins, um Ty and Melissa and Tyrone, and um, oh my God, I can't believe and Kim. I almost forgot Kim's name, and hanging out with Kim. I had the best time ever. And of course, you know, I did some retail therapy. I was a little rushed on that, but I got a chance to go back to the mall and complete that. I had the most, uh it was just an awesome weekend. And so while there, Huavey surprised me with uh tickets that him and the kids pulled together, kept it a secret from me. And um, I went to see John V. I was so happy. I'm pretty sure those of you who know me have seen the video floating around Facebook about how surprised I was. I was truly surprised. And usually he can't keep anything from me, but I do have a few of the kids that I know I could get stuff out of, and I okay, and I realized that I hadn't spoken to them, and I guess they didn't speak to me because they didn't want to tell the secret. But I was I had such a great time, and at the end I went and I put my hands up really high, and he shook my hand. I was like, yes, yes. So I have been up to that, and I was up to that, and I had such a wonderful time in Atlanta. I cannot wait to go back. You know, I'm a fall winter girl, so I'm ready to get some cold so I can bring out the boots and the jacket. So hopefully we get a chance to go back in the winter time. Also, we had our first sun, our first Sunday service, which was amazing. It was amazing. Pastor talked about um how we let fear control us and how you know how when Peter was on the boat and how he stepped out on the boat and he took his eyes off God and he began to sink. Um, so our thing is to keep the fear from coming within us, when we step out on the boat, we have to stay focused. And as long as we keep our eye on God, he won't let us down. He'll make sure that we are well taken care of, that we are never alone as long as we're focusing on him. And I know sometimes we go through those battles and those situations where we just get so frustrated. However, when we lean on him, his word never fails. He says he got us, and we have to believe that he truly has us. Now, with that being said, go ahead and roll that footage, and then we're gonna get right into it. When I started this this podcast, so I do appreciate those of you who show up for me every video. Um, those who that even just support me when they go back and watch it and they leave their comments. So even if you have comments during the podcast, we'll also look at those. But go back and just kind of check things out or re-listen to it, that would be great. Um, make sure you like and share, like and share. That helps with the ratings and that's truly appreciated as well. Um, before we get into the topic tonight, I just want to remind you of some of the things that we've already had. We had um don't disturb my peace. And when we talked about don't disturb our peace, we talked about boundaries and not allowing people to come in and just suck up your energy. Um, that was that was also a good one. And don't ignore the red flag, that's one of my favorites. And that one was basically like when you see a person the first time, take them for what they are the first time. Do people change? Yes, people change, but you can't allow people to walk on you and step on you while the while they're trying to change because it does something to you. So don't ignore the red flags. Um, another one was what women want. We talked about how we want someone to understand us, someone to say, you know, not that I'm always nagging you, but you have a genuine concern about certain things. Want somebody we can cuddle with, we saw somebody that we can grow old with, not somebody that we gotta that we're constantly in conflict with. Um, and I know a lot of women will say, Oh, you know, God sent me this man, and I know God, I know it was from God because I saw the sign. It could truly well be it's from God. But remember, what God blesses, it brings no sorrow. And if you go through some ups and downs, that means God's gonna be in the midst of it to help you out of it in relationships, in any relationship, marriage, brother and sister, mother, daughter, father, son. If God is in the midst of it, God's gonna bring you out of it. Um, for romantic relationships, you know, make if God truly brought you through to it, he'll definitely bring you through it. But you gotta focus on him and make sure that he is the one that made the decision, not you. Um, we also talked about a modest dress versus sexy dress. We came to the conclusion of um the way you dress is the attention that you draw. So if you, you know, you want to be, you want someone that's gonna be decent, that's gonna see your heart, not your body, then you want to dress appropriately. Not saying that you can't be, that you can't have your sex your sex appeal because most women have their own sex appeal. So you just you don't want to overshadow what you're looking for. Um, I notice I see in a lot of the videos that I watch, I notice that a lot of men say, oh, she's smash material, but she ain't wife material, and we don't want to ever put ourselves in a situation where we're smash material because God created us better than that. You know, so that that was one of the um, that was a few of the topics. I I tried to put them all, but I only came up with those two. And then first one I just actually introduced myself. I was a little nervous on that one. This is my first time being on a podcast without my partner and crying. So, but I think I've gotten better. I gotta look at the camera more. Just a few things that you know I have to work on for next season. So, but I also also looking forward to next season. So, um, let's move on to our topic. Our topic for tonight is to shine without apology. And as I thought about this topic, I also came to the conclusion that seemed like all of the topics that we have discussed within this season was all about self-care, self-building yourself up, motivating yourself, and moving forward. So, and I wanted to continue that at the end. Uh, hopefully, next season we'll have a little bit more powwows. Um, also, if you want to call in, this is a live podcast, you can call in at 754-222-2219. I would love to hear, you know, your suggestions, your recommendations, you know, whatever it is that you want to add to. I put a script, but if you call in and you want to ask just a question, hey, you never know. Someone in the audience might be listening and might have that same question, or they may even have an answer. So please don't hesitate to call in and ask your questions, or even if you just want to make a suggestion toward the topic. So we're talking about let your light shine. Have you ever felt like um, have you ever felt like you had to dim your light down to make other people feel comfortable? You know, you hold back, like maybe you may have an idea on your job, or you may, you know, maybe have an idea for a get together for a girls event, but because you know you got certain body language from people, you just started to pull yourself back. Well, I'm here to let you know that you do not have to apologize and you didn't have to step yourself back from where God has called you to shine. You do not have to apologize for being who you are, you have to own your own uniqueness, whatever it may be. You have to own it because if you allow somebody to drain it from you, then you're not really doing that purpose that you were called to do. And it don't have to be something that's in, it don't have to be something that's in the church, or it could be just something that you feel compassionate about that you allow somebody to pull that from you. Let your light shine, be unique in your own way, don't dim yourself for no one. I have an example of yeah, don't give them your light for no one. Remember, we're not letting them disturb our peace. We we we we getting what we want as women, so we gotta make sure our our peace is intact, our our our soul is intact. Um, let me share this with you. I had um I would be in the presence of other women, and and I'm so proud of my children for going to college and getting um getting their degrees, and then for me, it was like, hey, get your bachelor's, you're good to go. No, my kids went to a father's step. So I was really proud of them. So whenever I was in the midst of other women and they were talking about their children, and I would bring up my kids. Well, you know, my daughter went to Spelman, my daughter went to UCF, my baby was all over there. I started feeling some sort of way. So I was like, well, maybe I'm talking about that too much. Maybe um, maybe they feel like I'm bragging, but I wasn't really black bragging because after everything I say, but it was God that carried them through. Because when we have no money, we have the money to get them through, but God, and I think it was more like a testimony seeing how they continued their studies, and and I prayed and I asked God to continue to, you know, to cover them and protect them. Because at the time, dad and I, we barely could keep a roof over our head, so we couldn't really help like we wanted to, but they made it through. So those conversations that I'll be having, I started seeing, like, hey, you know, here she goes talking about that again. That was the impression that I was getting. Maybe that's not what they were feeling, but I'm a big reader of body language. I read it, I read it, and I felt some sort of way. So then in order to be part of that group, I start just kind of shutting down and laughing, you know, letting them talk and not say how I felt because I felt like, you know, I wasn't really trying to let my light shine, but I was just trying to let them know that through God, anything is possible. But they were shutting me down. So I kind of just kind of felt really small. So I just, you know, kind of stayed back. And for a long time, that's how I was. I'm in these relationships with these, in these communicating relationships with these women, but I can't really express how I'm feeling pretty much about anything. I um I also had a situation where I would tell somebody, well, being a military wife, this is how that was done when my husband was active duty. And it was considered that she thinks she knows everything. So again, I backed out, and I didn't say anything, but let me tell you something. Anybody that's been through something and I gotta and I'm going down that road, please let me know. I don't want to, if I can't, if I kind of if I can avoid falling in a ditch from your experience, please tell me what's gonna happen, what to look for, how to go around it. So we find ourselves shutting down our own self to make other people feel good about themselves. All the while you just trying to fit in. But why? Why own your own uniqueness, no matter what it is, own it. Don't get caught up in self-doubt. Like, I, you know, it's another time I was with these ladies, they were all college graduating, and I didn't graduate from college, so I felt kind of like maybe I don't want to say anything because I don't want to sound stupid or I don't want to do this, but they kept asking my opinion. And I kept saying, no, maybe you get him, but they kept asking my opinion. I realized then that it doesn't matter what type of educational background I have, I have a light that God has given me and I'm gonna let it shine. And if you have a problem with that, then move out of the way because I'm not gonna stand in the shadows, I'm not gonna stand behind in the shadows and hide who I am to make you feel good. That's just not gonna happen. You know, so that was one of the things, you know, just keep, you know, keep reminding yourself and encouraging yourself that you are who God called you to be in whatever capacity it may be at work, it may be in volunteering, it may be at church, whatever, whatever you feel compassionate about, shine like a diamond, a big, beautiful diamond, because God has not given you the spirit of fear, and you should never let anyone encourage you or make you feel fear because of who you are. That's not that that's crazy. Continue to set boundaries with people. You have to walk in your purpose, and people will take that from you. Remember, we talked about don't um don't disturb my peace. That's a whole that's a big thing with setting boundaries with people. Because if you don't set boundaries, they'll walk on you, they'll trample you, like I said before. Your energy, your peace is your power. We talked about that. Your peace is your power. Hold on to that with everything that you have. Nobody deserves to take your peace, it belongs to you and no one else. And if you decide you want to give it to somebody, that's totally up to you. But hold on to that. Don't even, don't even your time, your energy. I we talked about um self-care. We did talk about self-care. What have you been doing for self-care? Have you been taking that bubble bath? Have you been lighting that candle? Have you been reading your word? Have you found a good book to read? As a matter of fact, I just got a new library card. So I'm gonna be uh I'm gonna be going to the library and getting me some of these books and just read, you know, just that's that that's it's in educating yourself. It could be a cookbook, whatever your fancy is. You might want to learn a new recipe. I know my um, I know my godson's mom. She's always posting recipes, so I know she's big on cooking. Go get something. Get something that's gonna give you some, boost you up. Yeah, boost you up. Your time, your energy, and your peace is important. So hold on to it with everything you have. Walk in your purpose, whatever your purpose may be, walk in your purpose. You know, reflect on how the clarity of your purpose brings you confidence. When you walk in your purpose of who you are, you build your own confidence. You don't need anyone to pat you on your back and tell you, oh, you're doing good, you're doing good. Nothing's wrong with being praised. Everybody wants to be praised and everybody would like to hear it, but you got to be able to praise yourself, you got to be able to lift your own self up. In the Bible, David encouraged himself. I used to wonder what that means that he encouraged himself. But when I started looking in the mirror every morning and saying, you look a mess, but you're beautiful. Uh, we got something to do today, so let's get it started. And that's just kind of how how it went. I just began to tell myself all the time how pretty I was. You know, I not that I'm stuck up and I think I'm all that because God knows I don't. But if I don't encourage me, how I'm gonna step outside that door and face the world who most likely is not gonna encourage me. Between me and my husband, morning prayer, when I step out the door, I'm ready to do it. So basically, you have to walk in your purpose, you have to build your own confidence up in yourself. You do the things that light you up. If you like to dance, turn on some music and dance. You don't have to be at the club to get down, you can turn off some music and get down right in your living room. I do sometimes I be in the kitchen. As a matter of fact, I was dancing this morning before I left for work. And it's so crazy because the day before I could barely lift my head. I was like, you know, we we alternate prayer weeks. So one week I pray in the morning, the next week my husband prayed in the morning. But this week he had to pray twice because I just wasn't, yeah, I just wasn't feeling it. However, this morning I woke up with a dance in my heart and a dancing in my feet. I prayed while he made coffee and I head on out the door and did what I had to do. I walked in my purpose. I knew it was something that I needed to get done that day. I got out, I got it done. I had a great day at work, and I'm back home. I even took a little nap. Um I'm actually going through these different steps. So if you guys, if I'm going too fast, stop me. Um, let me just say, let me read the chat here. Hey Nat, my daughter's watching from Chicago. And um, hey Nikki, um, my daughter's watching from Tallahassee. Um, yeah, right. Affirmations. You have to you really, Nikki really encouraged me about affirmations. Nat really taught me how to take deep belly breaths. And I can say with just knowing those two things, I am a better person than what I was last year. Because I'm learning that everything doesn't require a response, you know, and and affirming myself that this is what I'm gonna do and this is how it's gonna get done. And just encouraging myself is just amazing. So I really try to walk in my purpose every day. Every it ain't easy every day, but I get on out there and I do it. I have gotten to the place where I'm no longer apologizing for who I am. If you can't get with me, that's fine. You don't have to dis you don't have to be disrespectful about it, you don't have to curse at me about it. We just we just parted ways. And it's okay because some people just in your life for a season, in your life to build you, that to help build, and then they go on about their their businesses the same way with you. There are some people that God only get put in your life for a season for you to do what he called you to do and to move on, and that's okay, it's nothing wrong with it, but you can't sit back and apologize every time someone feels offended by you because people are gonna be offended by you no matter what, no matter what you say, no matter how you say it, no matter what you look like, it's gonna always be somebody that's gonna have an issue with you. And I used to that used to hurt my heart so so bad. So I used to be like, well, what did I do? Why this person just don't like me? I didn't do nothing to them, you know. But sometimes it just happened. I just had an accident, uh situation that happened at work yesterday. Um, one of the moms, um, she said she didn't like me. It was puzzling because she's the one that I had been texting for the last three days and back and forth, back and forth, and I can understand. So finally I just went, I say, we have a problem. And she said, Yeah, I don't like you. And I say, Why? And she says, Well, remember that meeting we was in? I've never been in a meeting with you. Well, yeah, we was at the principal's office, we was in the conference room. I was like, No, not me. I've never been in a meeting with you. She was like, Oh my goodness, no, it's not you. And I was like, you know what? If I hadn't gone to her, we would have spent now, mind you, I'm holding her baby, her baby is kissing and loving all on me, and she looking at me, rolling her eyes, like if I hadn't gone to her and said, Hey, you she actually had me mixed up with someone else. But, you know, but just had I not said anything, me and this lady would have gone to whole school year not speaking, where I am taking care of your kid. Well, I'm overseeing your kid, but I do go in there and snuggle with the babies and take naps sometimes. So, um, if they'll let me. But I'm not gonna apologize for who I am because what God has given me, it has to, it has to be done. I have to shine, I have to do what he says, I have to live on purpose. And regardless of who don't like it, that's a personal problem. That's your problem and God's problem. That's not my problem. So when you find yourself in situations where people just don't like you just because it's not your problem, it's their problem, it's their problem, and they can deal with God with it because what God has what God has given you, no man can take it from you. And that's your peace, your joy, you know, your love. Nobody can take that from you. I know it's a song that we sang when we were little, this joy that I have, the world can't have it, and the world can't take it away. That's exactly how we have to be. We can't allow anyone to step on us, ruin our dreams, ruin us, and have us walking around with our head in the clouds while they're sitting in a huddle with the next people talking about what they just did to you. We can't do that. We cannot do that. We have to stay rooted, we have to stay positive, we can't apologize for just being who we are. Stay rooted, stay spiritual. If you have a relation to God, try not to lean to your own understanding. Trust me, it's not gonna get you nowhere. But when you put God in and you let God, you know, in Matthew 5 and 16, it says, let your light shine. And I can understand why, out of all the things when he says, let your light shine. And then it dawned on me throughout your life, it's gonna be stages and ages until you get 100 if you make it that far. And in every age, in every stage, it's gonna be a reason for you to shine. And you get out there and you shine. I was so skeptical about going back to college at 58, but here I am trying to get myself together and get right back out there because I'm at an age and I'm at a stage that it's time for me to shine yet again. So we go through it every hour, you know, every few years, it's a different stage, it's a different age, and it's time for you to shine. So let your light shine and don't be ashamed of it. Your light should be able to help you lift up other people. Your light should be able to help you lift yourself up, and your light should be able to help you pat yourself on the back and say, job well done, Patsy, you did that, you know. So I'm like, Yeah, you got it. You have to stay with it. And if you can, if you have, I'm not, if you have a relationship with the Lord God Almighty, He is awesome. I'm I don't mean to preach to you today or to to bring the Lord into it, but when I look back and I see things, when I when I look back, as a matter of fact, went to a uh a viewing last weekend and I said, Wow, this could have easily been me. It could have easily been any one of us, but God saw fit for us to stay on the grind, hang in there, and and and do what we're called to do. So I was just forever like, I was like, wow, um, God is definitely calling his people home. Um, but so far I'm not on the on the on the call list. So I'm thankful for that. I have a uh, oh hey Melissa, it's my cousin from Atlanta. Hey girl, hey, meditation, affirmation, and prayer. Also, what you think of me is none of my business. If it's rooted in negative, negative energy. That is so true. What I had to get to that point, and I tell my daughters all the time, I used to be so concerned about other people think, how other people felt, that I used to literally make myself sick about it. And one day I woke up, I think I turned 40, it was my birthday, and I said, I can't, I done spent 40 years with this concern. I can no longer give them that type of energy and that type of power to damage me. So I said, you know what? If you're not paying any bills, credit cards, mortgage, car payment, any of that, I can't allow you to have that energy. Now, once you start paying that stuff, then I owe you an explanation. But as I'm not, as if you're not, then I don't. So I just have to let it go, you know. And sometimes it's so crazy because it'd be the people the closest to you that makes you feel diverse. And that's okay. Um, hi Jackie Griffith Anderson. Thank you so much for joining us. Where are you joining us from? If you don't mind typing in, I know we got Chicago, Tallahassee, and Atlanta on the line. I would love to know where you're where you were from. So yeah, and another thing too, surround yourself with like-minded people. I like I said, I went and I visited with my my cousin and her husband and my niece and nephew um this this um past weekend. And I felt so comfortable. I literally could let my hair down because when you're a pastor's Wife, people put so many standards on you, like you gotta this and you gotta be like that, and you gotta be like that. But when I was sitting in the presence of them, I felt so comfortable. You know, I felt good in my skin. I felt like I was in the presence of like-minded people, light barriers. The light just shined on them, which made it so easy to be accepted and feel comfortable in both their homes. I was just like, I felt like I was in my own living room, and that and and that was so good to um to be accepted, not judged and comfortable. I mean, even my cousin dog got up and let me cuddle up with her. So, you know, like-minded people are very important people. Uh, okay, West Palm Beach in the house. Thanks, Miss Jackie. Oh, I see sexy girl C is in it. Hey, Cindy, how you doing? Um, so we were talking about um, what were we talking about? What about topic? Not apologizing for shine for your light. No apology. We just let your light shine. No, no, first lady, come on. Just let your light shine. You don't have to apologize for it. That was the topic. But now, if anybody wants to call in, please call in 754-222-2219. And like I said, I just brought a topic, but if it's anything that you want to just kind of throw out there, even if you want to type it in, um, say, hey, I've been thinking, I've been going through this, what do you think about that? You never know somebody may be able to answer your question, and other than myself, and and I'm okay with that because believe it or not, I'm here learning as well as um I'm encouraging. I think the whole point of this was just to build to um encourage and empower women and build us, build them up and let them know that you know what, this world cannot can't, this world cannot revolve without us. We are in it and we're in this state from the beginning of the time. And it's just a few little things that we like to tweak because we don't want to be stuck on, we want to be heard, we want to be recognized because in the at the end of the day, we as women, we do that. We recognize, we appreciate, we show praise, we nurture. It's a it's a never-ending dose. So we want to be treated as just. So I think the whole process of this actual podcast was to just kind of really empower you. And by doing research and stuff, I'm really learning. I'm really learning a lot. So yeah. So just surround yourself with people that that's you know, that's gonna be light bearers, people that their their light is shining just as bright as yours. Yeah, that part. Um, so God is giving God is all God is also giving you skills and talents and beauty, and and he shine his light on you daily. So when someone passed by you and they just be like, well, hey there, and you you can your brain could be somewhere else, but that person said, there's just something about you. It's something that there's something that's on you that may because everybody don't speak when they pass you, but some people they'll just come out of there and be like, hey, that's something about you. Like, I need to know more about you. I need to know more about that light that you have, that light that's shining also bright. That light that God places on you every day. So walk in your purpose. Don't apologize for your for your shine. Let your light shine. Stay rooted in God. Surround yourself with people, with good people. You know, I think we talked about owning your uniqueness, whatever is unique about you, own that and let it shine. Where you don't have to be running through the neighborhood with a flag saying, hey, I'm wonderful. No, you don't have to, because people see that. God will definitely show people, they'll they'll they'll be able to point that out in you. You won't even have to say anything. Don't stay quiet. If you have a circle of people that you're with and you gotta dim your light so they can shine, that's the wrong circle. Find your new circle, find your new circle because there is no way that you should have to um shut yourself down to make someone else feel good when you should be in it together. We should, I know I had saw uh an affirmation about don't um when your sister's crown is crooked, don't talk about it, lean over and adjust it because you never know when she might have to adjust yours. So it's important for us to kind of stick together, it's important for us to kind of encourage each other and and stay focused on what our purpose is and what God has called us to do, which is really, really important that we would stay um rooted and grounded in what God has called us to do. And whatever it is you you do, if you do basket weaving, do it with the greatest ability that you can and smile while you're at whistle while you work. You know that song, whistle while you work. Do what you have to do to keep your mindset clear. Because again, people will definitely try and pull it from you. Yeah, so it's something to go to the chat. Um, Melissa says, I'm from the South, so I speak to everybody. You can imagine the stairs I can't. Yeah, and me too. I'm like that. Where about you look and you live in uh in Atlanta, so I can only imagine when you're walking by saying, Hey, people looking at you like, what is wrong with her? You know, but that's just how we are, and that's how we was also raised, too. You don't walk into a room and not speak to people, you don't make eye contact with a person, walk right past them. If you're gonna make eye contact, say hello or hi, how you doing? It's just rude. I think it's rude. Um, so and and I'll be like, oh, or I'll pass, I'll say hey, and they don't say nothing. I was like, oh, wait a minute, did I say hey, or was that just in my head? And I keep on walking, let them know that I did say hello and you didn't respond back, but maybe it was me, not you. Take ownership and keep it moving. Yeah. So that's pretty much how we um that's pretty much what I have on letting up Shine Without Apology. And I'm really happy that I that this came up. I have definitely been seeking the Lord's advice on everything that I come on the podcast and do. Also, I do call the girls and ask them for suggestions. And they um they came up quite a few um that I didn't get to it all in this setting, but I definitely will um tag some of them in the next one. Um, so you know, just know that shining um without apology means that you're just owning your worth and you're walking in your purpose and letting your light shine so that others may see that you know that's what you have. That's what you you got a light to shine and you gotta let it shine. Um, Natalie said in the content, have you had any challenges with imposter syndrome and how did you overcome it? Imposter syndrome, what is that? I never heard of that. Please expound so I can answer that. Imposter syndrome. I guess being oh my light me now. I guess being someone that you're not right, Natalie? Pretending to be somebody that you're not. I'm gonna wait for her to explain it to me, then I'll answer that. I think I'm in the right time. But she can call in and at 754-222-2219, ask that question. Um so just remember that letting your light shine uh means you don't have to hide it, you don't have to shrink it. You can shine bright like a diamond without apology. So yeah, that would that would be it. But I also want to bring to your attention before we before we shut out that this month is breast cancer and domestic violence awareness month. Okay, um, so I have a video for you. I literally forgot about that video. Let's play the first video, babe, and that way we can get in that time to um to let me know.
SPEAKER_02:You can't step into your destiny tiptoeing around with other people's opinions. I want to share a story or an analogy the other day. It's fiction, but it really stuck with me. It's a story of a peacock who spent his days around other smaller birds, pigeons and other smaller birds. And the peacock realized that its feathers were brighter and bigger than the other birds. And so the peacock kept its feathers tucked in and tried to keep them down, thinking, what will the other birds think? Well, they think I'm doing too much. And the more that peaco kept its feathers tucked in and down, the weaker they got and the duller the colors got. Until another, one day another peacock came by and said to that timid peacock, why are you hiding what was meant to shine? Why are you hiding what was meant to be seen by the world? And something shifted inside that timid peacock and it opened its feathers and saw colors it had never even seen before. And the peacock realized it didn't need permission from the other birds to shine. We have a greatness or a destination that we're trying to get to. We will never get there if we keep tiptoeing around other people's opinions.
SPEAKER_03:I like that video because sometimes as women, we will, like I was saying earlier, how I just kind of shut myself down to actually to avoid what people was gonna think about me. Um, what people's gonna think about me before I just kind of do it in. It took me a minute, 10 years later. I'm 40 years old, and I finally said, I'm not done, I'm not doing this anymore. Oh my god, this is too much. Okay, I want to just give a shout out to Miss Terry Aponte in Wisconsin. Thank you for joining us. I think I have a caller on the line. Hello, hello.
SPEAKER_04:What people try to think about me. Um, hi Hello, so this is this is Matt. I wanted to um clarify what imposter syndrome was. Um can you hear me? Yes, I can. Thank you for calling. Okay, great. Yeah, so imposter syndrome is like the feeling of an adequacy, inadequacy, and your skill in um your accomplishments. So the feeling of not the feeling of that that you're not worthy of like the praise and admiration, whether it's through your uh for your job or it's for a particular um skill that you have. So that's what I wanted to know. Like, did you have you ever felt that? And how did you overcome it?
SPEAKER_03:Um I felt I've you know, my I was pregnant at 14. And I felt I felt like I was worthless, that I was never gonna move forward in life, that it was just, you know, and the adults was like, oh yeah, she's about to have about 15 children. So I didn't have that encouragement. And I felt I just really felt less of a person because you know, I was a teenage mom and I wasn't ever gonna get married, I wasn't ever gonna have anything, I was gonna be on public assistance for the rest of my life, me and my children, then my children was gonna be on it. So I really felt down, you know, about that. And no matter how much I did to get myself out of it, I just didn't feel like I was worthy. So it took me a minute to get to the point that, you know, yeah, yes, you are. It took a long time, but as I got older and I started seeing things change and think motivation and different things going and happening in my life, I was able to honestly go to God with that. I would I would punish myself, self-guilt. I I was never enough for me. Like, I I was never enough for me. So it wasn't until I really just put it all in God's hand because I was starting to get tormenting myself with uh you got three kids, you're 20 years old, you got this, you're, you know, you're 21. You you're not gonna, you're trying to go to school, but you're trying to do daycare, you're trying to do this. You know, it was just a lot on me being a single parent. I really felt that I wasn't worthy. And it took my relationship with God to kind of pull me out of there. Although I did end up getting, I did get married. However, I um I still had to grow in that because even then I didn't feel like like I was, you know, like myself worth that just wasn't worthy. Like, why did this person marry me? He wants something from me, that's why he married me. He didn't marry me because he loved me. It was a self-torture. And now I'm I now I have like I have a therapist that I haven't visited in about three years, but I do need to do that. But I know that I can go and talk to someone about it to get me to that next point. It definitely was a challenge, and it took me a long time to overcome it. But if I had to put, if I had to put two and two together, it I'll have to say that I had to completely and totally give that to God. Because every time I gave it to someone else to help me out, I ended up with it back. Now I'm adding on it. Now it's like an onion, layers and layers and layers and layers. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Um, yeah, I think a lot of people feel that when they're young and they make a mistake, that it's kind of like all over. And when they are, when they make it through, they feel like that like that they are not deserving of you know the the type of things they have or the things they they get when they get out of it, or um, and so I just wanted to know like that. I think it was really it's really interesting your your uh view on on that. Um and you know, not only that, it's also forgiving yourself for making a mistake. It's also very hard to do for a lot of people. And when you I think once all of that is like kind of taken care of and you're talking in its talk through and you do give it to God, um, then that's like when your light can shine, I guess, the the most, because you're that confident, and I'm here because I'm worth it, and um I I'm living the life that I have because I'm worth it, and I have these skill sets because I'm worth it. So um thank you so much for your um your view on that.
SPEAKER_03:You're welcome. And also, you know, look at it this way it if you don't deserve, why not? Why don't you deserve it? You do, then who? Why not you? Why not you? You deserve it, you deserve every blessing that God lays at your feet, every blessing, every door, every window, everything that God does for you, every opportunity that you get, you deserve it. And that's how we have to look at it. If not you, then who? Your sister, your mom, your best friend, your neighbor, why not you? And that's how we have to look at things. Because God don't bless no mess, so you gotta be doing something right, right? Right. All right, well, thank you so much for calling in, my love. I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you for your um your view on this. I really appreciate it. And congratulations on the season or season finale. Yay, thank you.
SPEAKER_03:Bye. If anyone else wants to call in, or if anyone wants to um maybe add to what I said and encourage her, that would be great. Um, other than that, let me just get back to, I think I kind of jumped over breast cancer awareness. Um, my dear friend um Donna Ferguson passed away from breast cancer. Who I want to say, was it 2020 or 2019? I think it was 2019. Um, and although she had gone in and had had uh a mammogram in October, she found out she had stage four cancer, uh breast cancer in February, went into remission, but soon later um she passed away. So it's so important, ladies. Um, you know, the youngest person that have died from breast cancer was 19 years old, so you don't have to be old. You don't have to be old. It happens to all of us. So, you know, they have these free mobile mobiles out here. Go um get it taken care of, make sure you're good to go. We also had a young lady from our school that I work with that went in that had never gone, and that first time she went, breast cancer. So I have a I do, you know, um it's a pet peeve. I used to have a tea party um in the month of October. I need to get back to that, um, just life. But yeah, be be vigilant, get out there, get it tested, get checked, because they do now, they're doing a lot more with early detection these days. So please don't hesitate. You know, especially for women of color, uh, get out there because we're at a higher rate. Us Indian and Hispanic is at a higher rate than our Caucasian sisters. So get out there, get it done, ladies. Don't hesitate. I know it's scary, I know it's nervous, but what's the worst part is if you don't know, you can't do anything about something that you don't know. So if you go and you get tested and you don't have to do anything, awesome. That's a great blessing. Also, if you go and you get something detected, guess what? That's a blessing too, because you got it first. You went out there and you got it done. Um, Terry says that her mom had breast cancer and she survived that by the grace of God. Praise God, praise God, thank God. You know, and Natalie say mammograms are required at age 40. Well, it's changing, they'll start to get you out of there early, early in now, especially if you have any breast cancer in your family. So let's say you had your mother's sister may have had breast cancer and you're 18. They'll start testing you from 18 and they'll test you every three years, just so because it's in your family. But if you're not in your family, then I think 40 is definitely the age that they um call you in to be checked, but it's it's true. Go do it as much as you hate to do it, it's not as uncomfortable as you think it is. It used to be really uncomfortable. Women used to be like, I'm not going, I'm not going, because they're gonna flap me to a pancake. They don't do that anymore. Technology has improved, as a matter of fact, they have a theme that goes around your whole body, and you don't even and you're just standing there. So definitely get that get that taken care of. Um, domestic violence. Domestic violence is my pet peeve because I am a survivor of that. Um, if you know someone that's being abused emotionally, mentally, physically, um, the scars that we don't see, the mental ones that we don't see. If you see your your sister, um just if you you notice she was shining bright and all of a sudden she shining no more, go talk to her. Is everything okay? You know, uh, you know, oh, you know, and just hear because sometimes they just want somebody to listen. And we're not therapists, so you know, being a person that hid scars and hid bruises and hid uh bloody eyes and stuff like that, I can pretty much pick up on the body language of someone that's going through something. I don't I don't go out looking for stuff like that, but if I see somebody that all of a sudden their light is dimming, and it could be, it don't have to be from a male, it could be from a female, it could be from a family member, it could be anybody. Domestic violence don't only hold with men. You know, some women beat men. Domestic violence can be a brother against a sister, it can be in the household, you know. So if you know anybody, you know, make make sure you get them to the right person so that they can get some help. I know here in Broward we have women in distress, we have kids in distress. If you know somebody, I know the shelters are quite full these days, but when somebody's in a violent situation, they go to the top of the list because they'll feel like they don't have anyone on their side and they don't know what to do. So if you know someone, and that's pretty much throughout the United States, anyone that's in a domestic violence situation, they go right to the top of the list. Anybody with children, right to the top of the list. So um, and sometimes that list can be pretty long and they may have to wait a minute, but they got to get the help that they need because at the end of the day, running away is better than death. And sometimes it ends in death, and it's not it's not fair, it's not cool, and they get scared and they get afraid to tell people because they're afraid of the abuser. Um in my situation, my abuser was a police officer, so who do I go to? It was it was serious, it was serious, but by the grace of God, I I I the Lord saw fit for me. He had a whole nother plan for me, a plan that I had no clue to. You know, they say when you make your own plans, God laughs at you. And um, so it was it was difficult to get out, but God opened a door and a window, and I was able to get out. Um, Miss Terry says, also regarding domestic violence, get away. Tell somebody to seek, um, tell someone to seek help. You do not have to deal with that a lot, absolutely. And again, it's not as easy to seek help as people think it is. You think that you can just up and go. But if you've been threatening, your child's life has been threatened, it's difficult to get up and go. But there are ways that you could plan, have your plan of attack, you know, and you can get on out and start copying and and and start copying passports and birth certificates and putting them outside, bury them in the ground, because when you go, you gotta go, you may have to leave everything. But don't be afraid, there is um help out there for you, and you have to take that step, right? So that that was that that's that uh domestic violence is really uh a pet peeve for me. It's just really dear to me, and um, so sometimes I get a little choked up, even after all these years, and it's been years, like almost 35. Wait a minute, it's been almost almost 40 years, almost 40 years since that experience. So imagine for someone who has only been five years or two years, so it's still a little fresh, but I mean it still reminds me of letting and encourage people to get away. You gotta get away, and and and you gotta get some help, you just do right. Okay, so we're gonna go ahead and wrap this up. Uh, we have one more video. Can we roll that video?
SPEAKER_00:Hello. This is the last year of my life where I give my life so other people can feel comfortable. I'm not bougie, I'm not arrogant, I'm not sucked up. But if my life was in you, that's between you and the life given. Your life. If you ain't comfortable around me, I'm a new friend. But I'm doing acting like I am not who I am. So you can be comfortable with who you like before yourself. You are the home. What the matter for if you knew like my new you would hold close before me. I don't know what it is. When I ask your question, why do you know about my life? When I told you it was just a little light. What you gonna do? When God really threw me up this year, I don't care how God my family used to be when I throw up this family throwing the light on. I don't get ready to break every generational person, every generational life, but we don't have no money before me. We don't have it after me. Be who God calls you to be.
SPEAKER_03:Hang in there, do what makes you happy. Don't dim your light for anyone. Your light is meant to be seen. Don't hide it, don't shrink it, shine without apology. And with that being said, we're gonna tune off, and I'll see you guys next season. Thank you, thank you, thank you again for joining me. My heart goes out. I will keep you all in my prayers. Again, thank you, and I love you.
