Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
Red Flags Don't Lie
Have you ever ignored warning signs in a relationship until it was too late? That gnawing feeling in your gut telling you something's off, but you push it aside thinking, "Maybe I'm overreacting" or "They'll change"?
In this raw and honest conversation, I dive deep into why we ignore red flags in our relationships – whether with romantic partners, friends, family members, or colleagues. Drawing from personal experience, I share how I once maintained a friendship where I constantly overlooked subtle jabs and disrespect until the mask finally slipped completely off. By then, I was left picking up the emotional pieces alone.
The truth is, people will show you exactly who they are. Not always through their words, but inevitably through their actions. When someone consistently demonstrates patterns of disrespect, manipulation, or behavior that makes you uncomfortable, that's not a coincidence – it's a warning. Your intuition is a powerful protective mechanism; when it speaks to you about someone's character, listen.
We explore practical strategies for addressing red flags: trusting your gut feelings, calling out concerning behavior directly, separating hope from reality, recognizing patterns versus isolated incidents, and having the courage to walk away when necessary. I emphasize the importance of having at least one trusted confidant who can provide perspective when you're questioning your own judgment.
Remember, your peace is your power. Some relationships are seasonal, while others are meant to last a lifetime. It takes wisdom to know the difference and strength to protect your boundaries either way. You deserve relationships that honor your worth, not ones that require you to diminish yourself to accommodate disrespect.
Ready to start recognizing those red flags and protecting your peace? Join me for this enlightening discussion, and share your experiences in the comments. What red flags do you wish you hadn't ignored?
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Hey, hey, hey, y'all. Hey, thank you for tuning in. Let's talk about it with Lady T. I am so happy that you are joining me tonight for our live podcast. Don't forget it is live. You can call in at 754-222-222-2219. I got it, so I have been up to some stuff lately.
Speaker 1:Let me welcome my viewers that are new out there. I am Boss, lady T, and I'm just really excited about where it's going. We'll be doing our season finale soon. However, I am so grateful I don't take it for granted that you are joining me. I truly appreciate it and I feel all of y'all make me feel so special, but it could be no me without you. So I'm grateful that you are here and I thank you for viewing. If you haven't liked it, share, shared. And also if you haven't subscribed to our channel, real Life 21, go ahead and subscribe so that way you'll get notifications when the next session is coming up.
Speaker 1:Also, let me apologize, for last week I was a bit under the weather and then, before I knew it, thursday was there and I was like, oh my goodness, I can't. So I do apologize for that, but we're back on track and again I want to welcome you. Also, let me see what have I been up to? Oh, labor Day passed and so I did a little retail therapy and I slept a lot. I needed that sleep. I was just so overwhelmed with getting school started and getting back to the swing of things and I really needed to rest. So I rest a lot. I love my sleep. The following weekend, my oldest daughter and my granddaughters came for a visit.
Speaker 1:A short little visit just this past week, but I was happy that they came and they shared a little bit of time with me and I'm looking forward to seeing them for Thanksgiving and all the rest of the kids when they get together for Thanksgiving. So that's what I was up to. Oh, we had an opportunity to do our in-service for the first of the month, which was free. It's always such a pleasure to be in the midst of the saints when you're worshiping together. There's just something about the energy that God, you know, comes into the service and just touch and heal people from anything that they're going through. It can be small things, it doesn't always have to be anything huge, but God is great and I was so happy to be able to be in the midst with the saints. I love those ladies and I just love my church and I love my pastor. I got to thank the pastor. So, with that being said, we're going to go ahead and roll theme music and then I'll be right back that don't have to be blind to this test.
Speaker 2:There's no antidepressant and so don't have to be blind to this test, but don't have to be blind to this test. Don't have to be blind to this test, sir, else don't have to be blind to this test.
Speaker 1:But don't have to be blind to this test. There's no antidepressant. I understand, I understand, I understand. All right, again, I want to thank you for joining me. So our topic tonight is Don't Ignore the Red Flag. But before I go any farther, I want to also let you know that I have a little script that I just kind of keep on the side. But if at any moment, anyone feel like it's something that they want to talk about, if you want to change the subject a little bit, I am okay with that. Just type in the comments and let me know and we can move on.
Speaker 1:And also, it's important because you never know if someone else out there may be going through something that on your mind, or maybe they may have some advice or suggestions that can help you navigate through whatever it is that you're going through and whatever you're feeling. Perfect example is I. On the last session, we talked about not allowing people our peace and I was explaining that I had a meeting that I had to go into and in that meeting I didn't want to get, so I didn't want my tone to come off as I was angry or I was upset, but that I was passionate and one of the callers, my daughter Natalie, called in. She texted and she said sometimes you have to take a deep belly breathe. I had never heard of that.
Speaker 1:But I said, okay, I'm going to try that and I did and I got my point across. I was stern about what I was saying and I got my point across without them saying that I was dumb. You know how they say about black people. Yeah, I'm an angry black woman. Stereotypical thing that they stick on us when we're just passionate about how we feel about things. So if, in fact, you know, there is something that you may want to share with our audience, or even if you just want to make a suggestion, please feel free to do so.
Speaker 1:I have my engineer back there and he's, you know, watching the chat for me Thanks for watching the chat for me. And he's, you know, watching the chat for me and say, watching the chat for me and going to give me a sign hey, take this comment. So I am trying to look at the comments as well as do the podcast. So don't ignore the red flag. You know, sometimes, as women, we tend to let things go. You know, even when our feelings are hurt or someone has made us feel uncomfortable, we be like maybe he didn't feel that way. Maybe the way I perceive it is not the way that they expect it to be.
Speaker 1:Now, when I say don't ignore red flags, I mean in any situation Relationship with men, relationship with women, relationship with family, relationship on your job and relationships in your church. Anytime someone gives you that, if you don't, we let it go. And sometimes we let it go thousand thousand. Then, when it gets to a point where you can't handle it anymore, it's an explosion. So don't ignore the red flag. Call them out for what they are. And even when we think that we want to justify, you know, because the Bible says that we should turn the other cheek when things are happening. But sometimes, when we turn that cheek, they turn the other cheek when things are happening. But sometimes when we turn that cheek, they hit the other cheek Damn what? So we want to avoid that by not ignoring red flags.
Speaker 1:And when we see, when people show us who they are, we have to believe them the first time. So I have a little video that I'm going to roll right quick. I'm going to have this video roll and then we're going to come right back and we're going to talk about it. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Okay, stop giving these people chances after chances, waving their red flag in your face, literally holding it on their forehead. Their forehead is saying red flag and you're still allowing these people to play in your face.
Speaker 1:Okay, no, believe who these people tell you that they are. Believe who these people show you that they are, because they won't tell you who they are, but best believe they'll show you. Okay, people mask will slip. They can only hold up the facade for so long. Then their mask will start to slip. Once their mask slips, you need to take heat. Okay, you need to take heat. You need to leave them alone, because they will burn you. They will burn you, they will hurt you and they will walk away like nothing happened and you will be the one having to heal and put all the pieces back together.
Speaker 2:So don't allow these people, don't allow anyone to play in your face and let them show you who they are and when them show you who they are, and when they show you who they are, then believe them.
Speaker 1:All I can say is amen on that, because people will hide behind a mask and secretly be jealous of you, but yet they'll sit and they'll have tea and coffee with you, and then they'll show you they'll be your friend. I remember a young lady said frenemy, and I was like frenemy, you're either a friend or you're an enemy. Which one is it? Because I couldn't put the two together, because I didn't understand how you can call yourself a friend and yet still be my enemy. Understand how you can call yourself a friend and yet still be my enemy, smile in my face and laugh with me and go out with me or whatever, and at the end of the day, you've had an issue with me the whole time and me being like oh, this is just who she is, and at the end of the day, I'm the one that's going to end up picking up the pieces of my own life after I've let you just railroad me, you know. So you have to really be careful and you have to call them out for what you know, and even in the sense that we talked about disturbing our peace, the last, your peace is so important for you to protect. You have to protect your peace at all costs Because at the end of the day, like the young lady said, it's going to be you trying to figure out what you've done wrong, you take on ownership of something that was done to you. You know a lot of people. If they have narcissistic behavior and do something, but then they become the victim when you speak up about it, don't ignore those red flags. They will show themselves. Eventually the mask will come off and when it does, you'll be there to say, oh, all this time and this is how you felt. No, that's not what you want. I have a perfect example of something that happened in my life. There was this person that I thought we were friends. When you saw her, you saw me. When we weren't together. We were on the phone, and I'm not the type of person that's on the phone. You know. I say what I have to say and I get off. If I'm on the phone for a long period of time, you have to know that I like you. If I'm on the phone for a long period of time, you have to know that I like you Because, other than that, I'm going to say what I have to do. I'm going to get off. But she had accused me of trying to destroy her livelihood and I was perplexed because I was like you're training me on this job, so how am I trying to ruin this for you? And, mind you, all of this was done through text and I'm going to tell you. When you saw her, you saw me. If we weren't together, we were on the phone. We did so many different things together. I introduced her to my children, everything.
Speaker 1:So, nevertheless, as I, as this happened, I started going back into my memory bank and I was like I started thinking about all the little things that would stay underneath her breath and it's easy, you know, she would stay out of the way. But I really didn't pick up on it. I was just like, oh, okay, well, maybe she and her feelings today, or whatever. I ignored the fact that God tried to take us from the very very thing that we try to hold on to and we try to hold on to them so tight, and then, when they finally break, then we're left like why was I trying to hold on to that? What was the purpose? What was it going to benefit me by me trying to hold on to this friendship, when I'm doing all the friending and I'm trying to reach this person and I'm trying to be there, I'm trying to be supportive, but at the end of the day, this person is not supporting me, you know. So at that particular time it's like when you you are hurt, you're broken, like the young lady said in the video. You're broken, you're hurt and you don't know how to pick up the pieces because you're going to have to pick them up. No one is going to pick them up for you, but you're going to be the one to have to pick up those pieces. End of the day, pay attention. Pay attention to how people treat you. You are worth more than just to be disrespected and mistreated, getting your feelings hurt. You are far more important to that.
Speaker 1:And after this whole situation, I ended up giving up relationships with women and I was, like you know, I was a bit turned off because I was when bitch in the office, because I was when I care, when we as women care, we care with everything and I think I've said that so many times. We care with everything within us. So when we get crushed, it hurts. So we kind of stuck back and say, oh no, I'm not going to do this. This is the last time this happened, and the crazy thing about it as well was I had had some torture. So by that I was like, oh no, I'm not going to be friends with anyone else. And, being a long-time, this young lady and this is what happened and I just didn't believe that all this time there was animosity that I didn't know, but I ignored the red flags y'all. I ignored them and, like that young lady, say they can only hide behind that mask for so long until it starts slipping away and you start seeing them for exactly who they are.
Speaker 1:That's all I mean, just to have to get back into a place of trust and allowing people to be in your circle. My circle is really small. Now. I do have quite a few girlfriends that I hang out with, but my circle is really small and I just say to myself and I don't consider myself to be better than anybody on this earth, god created all of us the same and don't see the pastor to be no higher than anybody else but I have to protect pastor's peace and you have to protect yours and you have to pay attention.
Speaker 1:You have to pay attention to the signs, because they're there. They're there and if you continue to allow them to pull away at it, they're going to pull away at your soul and then you're going to be angry and you're going to trust nobody. You know there are warning. They're going to pull it away at your soul and then you're going to be angry and you're going to trust nobody. You know there are warning signs. It's a crazy thing.
Speaker 1:I don't want to keep saying crazy things, but another thing about it is you start taking ownership and saying maybe it was something that I did, especially in relationships with men. You start, I mean, like when I was out there and I was dating it's been a while, like 32 years, but when I was out there and any time that I felt like I couldn't reach this particular young guy, this young man, I always start thinking that it was something that I did. I wasn't pretty enough, I didn't wear my hair the right way, I was too fat, I didn't have thick thighs. I always and it was always something physical, because I felt, like men are physical, they visual, so maybe I don't have what the next person have, and maybe this and that no, no, no, no, no, I'm enough, you're enough.
Speaker 1:Person have and maybe this and that, no, no, no, no, no, I'm enough, you're enough. They just don't see the potential in you, and not that even potential. They don't see a good thing when they see it. You are enough. In any relationship, you are enough, and don't allow people to spin out lies to you telling you that you're enough. You are enough, that's just it. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. I've been in that situation so many times and I had to learn the hard way. I had to learn the hard way. So, with that said, we're going to roll the second video and I'll be right back with you. Y'all can shout out to me now.
Speaker 2:People show you who they are.
Speaker 1:eventually, it's only but time that a person, through colors, will come out. It's only going to take time for a person to really show you who they really are, what they're here for and how quick they're willing to leave or turn a back on you. You see, she says it all, it all. It's only a matter of time. It's only a matter of time before they show their true colors. And I'm not saying go walk around with your life, with your god uh, I'm not saying that. But you know the ones. You know the ones that made the complete remarks to you or the things that hurt your feelings. I'm not one to have my feelings hurt and you walk over me and you say and you do what you want to do to me and I'm okay with it. Can't be okay with that, because if you continue to allow, it's going to get worse, it's going to become more, it's going to become harder and more heartbreaking. Let me look at the chat and see who's on there. Oh, I see my mom is out there. Hey, mom, thanks so much for joining. I'm happy that you made it. Mom usually is busy on Thursday nights, but I called her up. Mom, I'm going to be online anyway. So, with that being said, like I said, eventually it comes on. Eventually you see them exactly for who they are.
Speaker 1:And another thing you start to put fingers at yourself and be down on yourself because you spent so much time allowing that person to just ruin you for no apparent reason. Sometimes it can just be, I think, just be jealousy for no apparent reason. I can understand why anybody in on this face of this earth would be jealous of me. Me, that's Not me, because I'm not boastful, I'm just me. I'm enough. I am enough.
Speaker 1:So I have a few steps to help you acknowledge your red flag. The first thing is pay attention to your good. If it's something that consistently makes you feel uncomfortable in the presence of people, or that person who you thought was your close friend, call it out If you feel like you're not respected. It's something that God gave us as an intuition and when I saw you, it worked. It truly worked, and it has gotten me out of a lot of situations.
Speaker 1:Feel from your gut. If your gut says something about this is not right, don't do it, don't do it at all. Say hold up. What did you say? Oh, okay, that's what you said. I thought I was just so. That's how you feel.
Speaker 1:Call it out, name it, whatever you see. Call it out, say hey, I don't like this behavior. You're not respecting the boundary that I gave you. I'm going to have to back away from this. Call them out, like I said, it's only going to benefit you in the end. It's only going to benefit you and it's going to protect your peace. It's going to protect your character.
Speaker 1:You don't have to show off like, hey, I know you said no, we're not going to go there. We're adults, we're women and we're not going to be trying to throw hands, no, no, that's not how we solve things. How we solve them is we bow out graciously and we walk away, because every for every, the Bible says for everything there is a season and some people are only in your life for a short amount of time and it's okay when they walk away. That was they did their purpose, whatever their purpose was for you. Maybe they were in your life to make you get on your knees and pray more. Maybe they're in your life to make you encourage you to do something, maybe go to school or move to a new career or anything. But when there's're deceased, those people that are supposed to be with you for the duration. God's going to make sure they are there for the duration. So when it's time for them to go, let them go. Don't hold on to them, let them go.
Speaker 1:And especially in any type of romantic relationship, if you feel like you're constantly trying to meet the need, meet the need, and it's never being met, it's only because that's not the purpose for you. That relationship is not for you. It takes two to be in a relationship. You can't do it by yourself. It has to be two parts trying to work on this relationship together, and that goes with any relationship, two partners trying to work on this relationship together. And that goes with any relationship, not just male and female, best friends, family members, sisters, brothers. You can't be in it by yourself. I tell you know, in our marriage podcast I always make the reference of when you're in a boxing ring right and you're in a relationship with someone and y'all in a boxing and you're boxing, and when you get tied and you're in a relationship with someone and y'all in a boxing and you're boxing, and when you get tied, you got to be able to tag that other person so they can come in and finish the fight.
Speaker 1:And that's how it is in any relationship. You got to be able to tag your friend, your best friend, your cousin, your brother, your sister and say, hey, I can't do it, no more, I need you to come in and take the rest of it, and that's how it goes, and vice versa. But if we're not in this relationship together and if we're not working on it together, then somebody got to bow out gracefully, and sometimes that person might be you and it's okay. It doesn't mean that you failed at it. It doesn't mean that you're not a fighter. What it means is that you're not a foot and you're not going to stay there and allow people to just continue to come at you and you don't say anything about it. That's what that means Separate hope from reality.
Speaker 1:Don't try and look at the potential. Oh, he has potential. Eventually he'll get over whatever it is and we'll grow together. No, no, no, no, no, no. They have potential. They have to work on their own potential. You can't do that, you can't change them. Or even if, if your friend is saying, oh, maybe she's just stressed out, maybe she's stressed out, maybe she is. But we all get stressed. But we don't take it out on one another, we don't belittle one another. And I think it's so important that when you see that a queen crown is crooked, you go over and you correct it. You quit it. Girl, let me help you out, imperator, don't talk bad against her, don't go behind her back and say tie her crown. I almost got no. We have to be there to support one another in every aspect.
Speaker 1:If a person is, if the behavior continue to be in pattern, it happens all indirectly. Oh, that's a good one. Indirectly, people will say stuff to you indirectly and laugh yeah, they will. But when you catch on to that and you pay attention, when you catch on to people being indirectly saying things to you and thinking it's a joke, that's a red flag, that's a red flag. Now, mind you, everybody make mistakes, but the red flags they consistent Once that mask come off and they get comfortable with saying those things to you. Yeah, those are consistent behavior. Those are consistent behavior. Those are manipulation.
Speaker 1:I have a comment. Let me read one of the comments. Oh, from Hiya Spacer. Thank you for joining. Yes, she said. She said the leaders, let's take it going for potential, oh, yes, you cannot create them to be what you want them to be or to be what you think they could be. You can't. They have to want that for themselves and they're so busy coming down on you that they cannot see what they want for themselves. Any type of behavior that they lie, they manipulate, they disrespect. These are patterns and if we continue to let it go on, it's going to hurt and harm us. So we have to stand up for ourselves and we have to protect our peace and our purpose at all counts. One time it might be an accident or a mistake, but when it continues to happen, it's a pattern and that's a red flag To bow out gracefully, even if you come.
Speaker 1:If you have the problem where you can't go to this person and talk to this person, or you don't know how to approach this person, speak to somebody outside and give them the perspective on what's going on and what you're picking up on and see what they say. And you might even say am I reading too much into this? Or you know what do you think Like? A young lady at work the other day asked me she was telling me that she was having some concerns about a relationship, and the next question was do you think I'm feeding too much into this? And I thought no, I think you're pretty much the right way it is.
Speaker 1:If we don't question the relationships that we have, if we don't question the things that goes on around us in our circle and outside our circle, then we're going to find ourselves picking up the pieces and trying to heal our own self. So we have to be so careful on, first of all, who we allow into our space, pick up on it and even if you have some concerns, always go to the man upstairs and he will show you. All you got to do is say you know, lord, show me this, let me see it for what it really is. You know, the same way, you can go to him and say Lord, I want to love people like you love people. I want to see past the outside. I want to see the heart of people, the same way as when people are doing you wrong. He will show you. He will show you.
Speaker 1:And if you can't talk to someone, if you can't talk to a mentor or somebody that you trust, somebody that's a good listener, because sometimes when you talk to people, they talk over you and you don't ever really get to the point of getting assistance with the situation. You know, go to someone that's a good listener, someone that you trust, someone that will tell you you know, okay, now I think you're looking a little too far into it, it's not that deep. That person you should be able to take that advice and say you know, okay, now I think you're looking a little too far into it, it's not that deep. But that person you should be able to take that advice and say you know what? Maybe I am, but always remember, red flags are consistent, they're disrespectful and they're manipulating. So those are some signs that you can definitely look out for Now. They'll be so happy to be in your space that they won't even realize that you caught on to them. Yeah, they won't even realize.
Speaker 1:So let me go back to the comments again. Okay, come in. Oh, okay, it's Mesa says jokes, have some truth in it, they do. Oh, okay, it's made to say jokes, have some truth in it, they do, they do. It's exactly how they feel. It's kind of like a drunk man came into our church one day when I was, when I was young, and he was telling everybody exactly how he, how he felt about the pastor. The pastor was a good guy. I mean, I was young, I thought he was telling everybody exactly how he, how he felt about the pastor. The pastor was a good guy. I mean, I was young, I thought he was a pretty cool guy. But this guy really went on and he just started talking about it. I'm like okay, but at the end of the day he started to quote scripture and I was like this, being a little bird, I'm gonna tell to shut it in the pastor. You know, although they would put it out, joke aside, a lot of the stuff that he was saying happened to be true about that pastor. So yeah, it happens.
Speaker 1:Izzy also said you have to have at least one person in your corner. That's pro-relationship. To bounce ideas off of Suffering in silence is so dangerous. It is so true. You always have to have someone in your corner, someone that you can trust with your interest, someone you can be vulnerable with.
Speaker 1:But they end up saying you don't want to go to a person who don't have a teenager with advice on how to deal with a teenager, or a person that don't have a baby on advice on how to breastfeed. You want to be in a cahoots with people that can understand where you're coming from. So that is so important for relationships. That is so because you. That is so because you and another thing too in a relationship. If you're in a relationship and your friend or that person is not in a relationship, they are only going to give you advice from a single person's point of view. That's another thing that we talked about in the podcast and I'm there in real life podcasts as well, because they can only see things from a single person point of view. But they ain't got no man, and so, mind you, you got one. We're trying to figure out how to have a nice Christmas anniversary, and here's she over here telling you, get rid of him no you
Speaker 1:don't want to do that. There's a song I think I can't remember the singer, but something about Shantae or something. Shana got a man at home and don't get it twisted just because your man is out there doing whatever. I got a man at home, you know. So sometimes we have to make sure that we have a balance, and there's nothing wrong with having single friends, friends who are in your relationship, there's nothing wrong with that. But take advice from people who can actually understand and relate to what you're going through, even when you're going through relationships, people who are shooting out disrespectful things towards you, and that way you can you know, you can bounce it off somebody else and have someone to call. Usually, when I'm going to an out-home and sometimes I call the girls I be like, hey, y'all, what y'all think about this, and they all let me know.
Speaker 1:I'm like mom, you're just putting too much into it. They'll tell me, or they'll tell me. Well, you know, there's a thing going around Facebook Say, if you need somebody to handle the business, which one of your children will you call? And I was like Nikki, because I know Nikki is a CP. She's going to be like take names and ask questions later. Come on, mom, let's do this Now. If I want somebody, that's going to be, I'm going to call Nat or Jordan. They're going to be like wait a minute before we go this far, but they have a back. You know, house time. I can call Peaches Erica's, another one that I can call. She's going to say ask questions later. I call Peaches. Peaches is going to be like okay, but why are we doing this? She's going to try and find out what's going on and why we got it. I'm going to help you out, mom, but I need to know details. You know, and we got to be able to see it Like you have to have that person in your corner that's going to be able to help you solve your situation, versus cause this problem for your situation, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so when they come into when they come into your space and they try to disturb your peace. Yeah, you got to let them know. You got to let them know. So you got to let them know because, at the end of the day, if they don't know, they can't help. They can't help and you don't want to suffer this time. That's a lonely, lonely place to be. You got to reach out. You have to reach out.
Speaker 1:I always tell people I'm available if you need to talk. And a lot of people say that I'm available if you need to talk. But are you really available? I'm not a tall person and if there's something you say I'm going through, I'm stopping everything that I got going on. I don't care where I am or where I'm at. If I'm at a restaurant, I'm walking out. If I'm asleep, I'm waking up and getting out of the bed, I'm coming to the rescue. So if you call me, I'm going to pick up that phone, because nothing is more disturbing than when you feel like you're alone in this state. You're alone in this journey. Yeah, I'm going to have a comment. Hey, melissa, atlanta, it's in the house.
Speaker 1:I was recently discussing the importance of having someone whom you trust to talk to. However, I was told no, don't talk to anyone, take it to God. Okay, you know what I believe in taking things to God. But I also believe that God put people in our lives that we can talk to on the physical side, and that's just so important to have that physical person that's non-judgmental. You know, you can go to them with A and they'll give you the B. They'll tell you when you're wrong and they'll tell you when you're right, and I think God has placed that person for everyone.
Speaker 1:If you hold it in, our God is an on-time God, but he works in his time, not our time, and as humans we get a little impatient. We feel like we got to get it out. We got to get it out. We got to hear someone else's opinion. Maybe I'm looking too deep into this or maybe I'm not.
Speaker 1:So I think it's important to have someone to talk to. God is our spiritual father and he's going to direct us. And you know what, when you talk to him, say Lord, direct me to the person that I share gifts with. That's not going to share it with anybody else, it's not going to belittle me and it's not going to use it against, because people, those people, those so-called friends of these red flags. You is confiding them and they'll take that in against you and flip it right back on you, throw it right back in your face.
Speaker 1:So I think it's really important, very important, that you have someone in the physical. But ask God to guide you, melissa, he will. That's one thing I knew about the Lord and I've been on this journey since I was 12 years old. God has never failed me. I've gone through some ups and downs in my life Lord knows I have but he's always been right there to pick me up off the ground, take me off, dust me off and get me back on that journey again. And not to say that it's been easy, and I fell off that road of many of them. But I looked to the hills because I know without him I am nothing, I'm not going to make it.
Speaker 1:Oh, she said oh, yeah, that's Dante's got a man. Yeah, I could not think of her name, but I was just going to make it. Oh, she said oh, yeah, that's Dante's got a man. Yeah, I cannot think of her name, but I was just listening to that song. I listened to a lot of old the older 90s, early 2000s, cause this other stuff. I just can't, anyway, it's too much for me.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so you know, I feel where you're coming from and I understand and at any given moment, I'm not one to. If you tell me something, it's going to the grave. Unless you say can you ask your mom what she's saying at or can you ask someone some other than that, it's going to the grave. And even if I have shared things with people that have come back to me and things that they shared with me, I'm taking to the grave because I'm that type of person. I'm that type of person. Your business is your business, not my business to tell. So I understand, sometimes you get a little discouraged about sharing things, and I get it, because when things get back to me I have gotten discouraged, but I share everything with eric. Sometimes I'll be like child. Let me tell you like, uh oh, that's my, that's my balancing board. I live into that. So, with that being said, these are all of the signs you know.
Speaker 1:Know, just separate hope from reality. Look for patterns, not just little moments. Look for that indirectiveness that they'll be throwing your way. Make sure you talk to someone and speak out. Am I looking into this or am I, or is this really happening and most of the time? If you're going to go to somebody, most likely it's happening. Not all the time, but most likely it's happening and you know. You just have to decide on how you're going to handle it. Set boundaries, protect your purpose, protect your peace, you know, communicate it clearly. I know we've been friends for a while and I love you like a sister, but I think it's time that we just go our separate ways or just walk away and say I'm done with that, again, certain people are in your lives for certain reasons and when it's time for them to go, let them go.
Speaker 1:So that again, certain people are in your lives for certain reasons and when it's time for them to go, let them go. So, yeah, when you see what you say, you know what I trust what I see and I feel I see the signs, even when they are hard to accept. Sometimes you might really like a person. You're like this person is so cool and you just totally ignored all the things that were being done to you and now it's time to move on. Yeah, that's fun. With that being said, that's the wrap up for the night. If anybody want to call in and share. Oh, I got another. Hey, lindsay. Hey, say protect your peace. I'm telling you, protect your peace at all times.
Speaker 1:People will take advantage, they would take advantage of your peace. They would disrespect you and then they will throw it in your face. Respect you and then they will throw it in your face. They will. Your peace is your power and I think we said that the last time. Your peace is your power and don't allow anyone to take that peace, anyone or anything that's going to cause a hiccup in your peace. They got to go, they have to go and a lot of times and I hear this like this I read with a lot of young women, young teachers, and they go through relationships and some of the things they go through I say at this age there is no way I would put up with that. But when I was their age.
Speaker 1:Most likely I did so. It's always a growing process in any relationship, any relationship. The relationship of me and my sister is like so awesome now, but it hasn't always been that way. However, I needed to be in this relationship because, at the end of the day, she's the only sister I got. You know, I had to make enough plans, don't you know what? I don't care if she mad at me, I don't care. No, I'm finished. We're going to talk about it and we're going to move on.
Speaker 1:You know, even you know with my brother, you know, right now we're a little strange. I'm not sure why, but I still love them and if they call me, I'm going to be right there for them. You know, sometimes we have to. Those are the relationships that are not seasonal. Those are relationships that your parents just gave you know, and you have no other choice. So you have to step out there. You have to step out there and you have to do what you have to do in that particular situation and even with other relatives.
Speaker 1:It's okay to distance yourself from certain relatives. If they're causing, if they're disturbing your peace, it's okay. You can try and regroup and go back, and if it's still the same, then you just go ahead and you stand back and you wait for them to come. As Christian women, we have to be able to accept change in a person and we can see it. Remember that intuition, that gut feeling, is going to tell you right away she ain't ready for you yet. She ain't ready yet. As my grandmother would say, a long handle, wouldn't spoon. Feed them like that and you'll be okay. You're a lesbian, you know so. Yeah, so if anyone want to call in, 754-222-2219. You can call in if you want to share something, just want to advise someone, even if you want to fill the script and talk about something else. We got about 15 minutes Other than that. You know that's a wrap. I just wanted to share that with you all. I've been completely depending on the Lord what I talk about and he, yeah, and he has really been encouraging me to talk about things that a lot of times they don't talk about, especially in the church.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you guys have seen this footage going around about the pastor, the female pastor that shut down the praise and worship leader. I'm not really sure the whole scenario, but because she didn't get the type of greeting that she's used to. She called the young lady out and I'm pretty sure it's so much more of those stories to that story. But you know, the red flag says it had been there. I don't know if they were on her side or on the young lady's side.
Speaker 1:But you know, sometimes in a church you have to be careful too, because people will shoot stuff at you. Yeah, they will shoot stuff at you and think it's okay, oh well, with the love of the Lord, okay, god is not in the midst of confusion. So if that happened in church, you got to take that to the Lord. And if God say, yes, it's your time, you need to walk. You need to walk because you can't grow spiritually when you're under the leadership of someone that's trying to disrespect you, humiliate you, embarrass you. That's a red flag, oh, anyway. So I have a last video and I'm going to come right back to you after this video. Can you roll that for me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Can people show you who they are? Believe them. Yes, absolutely. A person says to you I'm selfish or I'm mean, or I am unkind or I'm crazy, believe them. They know themselves much better than you do. But no more often than not those of us who don't trust life they don't say a thing like that. You're not really crazy, you're not really unkind, you're not really mean. And as soon as you say that, the person lets you know and shows you I told you, I told you I was on fire. So now, why are you angry?
Speaker 1:Wow, that was so good. Because exactly, they tell you, they show you. They show you by their actions, they show you by their body language, and yet we ignore it. We ignore the signs. The signs are there, but we ignore them and it's so important to recognize them immediately. You're worth more than what people think that you are. You're worth more to yourself, you that you are. You're worth more to yourself. You are a gem, you are a diamond.
Speaker 1:So don't buckle down and let people treat you any kind of way, no matter in what circumstance. You know you're an adult. You deserve to be heard, you deserve to be respected, and you should. And if you treat yourself, if you present yourself that way, you won't have a problem. People will be like, oh no, she's not the one to be trying, or he's not the one to be trying because they'll see the confidence in you that I'm not going to bow down to the foolery in any kind of way. Yeah, so that's going to be it for the night y'all.
Speaker 1:Thank you for watching I love. Yeah, so that's gonna be it for the night y'all. That's it about how we came from over the night. I thank you. I thank you. I thank you for joining me. Um, I think I'll be doing my season finale the next two weeks, so it's kind of pretty much trying to wrap up every case that we can roll right into marriage in real life. I'm excited about that. I think that's season five that we're coming into. It's been a journey and I thank you guys for joining us tonight and I definitely thank the team that's doing this in real life marriage in real life. So, with that being said, I want to wish you guys a good night and I'll see you in two weeks and two, three Thank you.
