Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
The Power of Self-Love
What does it truly mean to love yourself? In this deeply personal exploration of self-love, Lady P delves into the often-overlooked essentials of honoring your worth, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your wellbeing without guilt.
After sharing heartwarming stories about her "grandma duty" adventures, including a special "Nana meeting" with her granddaughters, the conversation shifts to the core of self-care. Lady P unpacks five critical behaviors to leave behind: putting everyone else first, chasing people who are running away from you, negative self-talk, seeking universal understanding, and returning to toxic relationships out of loneliness.
The most powerful moments emerge when discussing forgiveness – particularly self-forgiveness. Lady P vulnerably shares how she spent nearly twenty years of her current marriage still punishing herself for staying in a previous abusive relationship. "As long as you're holding onto unforgiveness," she explains, "you're giving that person power over your mental health."
Listeners call in with their struggles, including a single mom battling guilt whenever she takes time for herself. The advice is transformative: "You have to give yourself permission to prioritize you." Another listener asks how to stop blaming herself for past relationship choices, leading to a profound discussion about lessons learned versus failures.
Throughout the episode, practical self-love strategies emerge: daily affirmations in the mirror, boundary-setting without explanations ("No is a complete sentence"), bubble baths with candles and music, and occasional retail therapy. As Lady P reminds us, "If I don't boost me up, who's going to do that?"
The biblical principle of loving your neighbor as yourself takes on new meaning – how can we truly love others if we haven't learned to love ourselves first? This episode serves as both permission slip and practical guide for reclaiming your worth and practicing self-love as an essential, not selfish, act of courage.
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Hey y'all, thank you so much for joining us for episode number two, self-love. If it's your first time, my name is Lady P Pat C and I just pull this little platform together just to give ladies a little space to unwind and talk about whatever. I am so grateful I do not take it lightly that you are sharing your space with me tonight. I am forever grateful and I thank you so much. Don't forget to share and subscribe If you haven't already. Please do Also give me some information in the comments. Let me know where you're watching from so I can give you a shout out At this particular point. Come on, ti, guy Rowe, and again I want to thank you so much for joining me tonight. Oh, let me see what's been going on. Let me give you an update of what's been going on the last two weeks with me. Oh, in the last two weeks I've been doing grandma duty. We've been doing grandparents duty.
Speaker 1:We had the pleasure of spending some time with our muffin. Our juicy came down from Tallahassee and spent two weeks with us. We had a wonderful time. She and I went to the movies to see Megan 2.0. It's not scary at all. It was a really good movie. I truly enjoyed spending time with her. She's such an amazing little girl. She's just amazing, like her mom, her Nikki, so that was great. I also had the opportunity to spend time with my oldest daughter, peaches. She brought her girls down from St Augustine and we had a great time. We got a chance to hit the malls. Of course, that's what teens like to do, so I like to go to the mall and sit down and let them do whatever they want to do, but we had such a great time.
Speaker 1:I truly enjoy the time that I get to spend with my grandchildren and while they were all together since I had them all in the same place it's been like forever since I've had them all in the same place I decided to have a Nana Poo Poo, nana, gigi meeting with my granddaughters and in this meeting I wanted to just kind of share some things with them and let them know how I feel about them. I also explained to them what my role as a grandparent, as a grandmom, is for them and how I'm excited and happy to be in their lives. I don't know, I don't have all the answers, but I'm here if you need me. We also talked about they had some questions that they asked me and I did my best to answer them as honestly as I could. Muffin happened to be absent for the meeting, but that was okay. I brought her up to speed and she said she understood. But mind you, I brought her up to speed and she said she understood. But mind you, she's only two. So I said okay. She said, okay, you understand. I doubt it. Next year, when she's three and we have our next meeting, hopefully she'll have a little bit more clear understanding as to my role as a grandma and their role as my granddaughters. So that was fun. It was really, really cool.
Speaker 1:During this time we did so much. We actually went to Topgolf. I didn't do so well this time, but next time I'll get in there and I'll do it. I think the last time I scored one of the top scores. I'll get back to that. Our church had a function where we went bowling. I didn't do well with that either.
Speaker 1:I've seriously been off of my athletic games since school has been out, just laying around and doing what I do Just lay around and make sure I take my daily nap from 2 to 4. And it's so funny that my grandchildren all know now they sleep from 2 to 4. Don't call her because she's asleep. Or someone will call and say, hey, are you still taking your nap, or are you done because she's asleep? Or someone to call and say, hey, are you still taking your nap, or are you done? Me and my husband was walking. I was driving in at the other day and he said it's a shame that everybody know you take a nap from two to four, and I think that's a part of self-love, and if I don't give it to myself, I'll be cranky and tired. There you have it. That's what I've been up to. We had a great time. I truly enjoy spending time with them, so my last couple of weeks has been quite eventful.
Speaker 1:So, with that being said, the next topic is going to be on self-love. Now, if anybody have any ideas or suggestions that you could share with us so we can all incorporate that self-love, I greatly appreciate that. So it's no right or wrong way to show love for yourself, right? So let me see, we got a few people on the line. Hey, michelle, how you doing all the way over there in Georgia? Peaches is on the line. I may say Peaches, but you might see her name is Jacqueline. Her name is actually Jacqueline and we call her Peaches from the time she was born, even when she was in the womb. Hey, peach, thanks for joining in, all right, so, dave, anybody else that's out there, let me know. You're out there, dave, when you go ahead and roll that video for me.
Speaker 3:Here are five things that I had to leave behind in order for me to show up and love myself better. Hi, my name is Brittany LaChristian. I am your personal feminine healing coach, and let me know if these tips resonate with you in the comments. Number one overlooking my own needs and putting everyone else's needs before mine. Let me just say this it's not a great feeling and you will get burnt out. So understand that you matter and I need for you to prioritize yourself. Number two chasing after people who are running away from you. Ooh, that one hit deep. Anything that is trying to walk away from you, let it, because what's meant to be will always be, and what's always meant for you will always be for you.
Speaker 3:Number three talking down to myself and shaming myself, feeling guilty for the things that I cannot change and the things that have happened to me. Self-forgiveness is the gateway to self-love. You must forgive yourself and you must move forward if you want to create the life that you desire. Number four trying to get everyone to understand you. You're different. You're unique. Not everyone is going to understand you. All you can do is continue to show up as your full and authentic self and let that be what it is. Everyone doesn't need to understand your way of thinking, your thoughts and how you see things. Remember your vision is your vision and it's sent to you for a specific reason. So why would you look to someone else to try to understand the vision that God has gifted you? Number five going back to the same people, places and or things that once left me feeling broken, unseen, unheard, or left me feeling a little bit of fear and doubtful, just because I'm lonely. Learn to sit with yourself, Learn to make peace with yourself, Learn to be okay with being alone.
Speaker 1:Yes. So I know a lot of you can relate to that. Sometimes we give people so much of ourselves until we can't really find a solemn for ourselves and we end up getting burnt out and getting just overwhelmed with life and we allow it to happen to ourselves. So sometimes we definitely have to put boundaries on is what I'm going to do and what I'm not going to do? What I'm going to allow, what I'm not going to allow is very important. I came across this video and I was like wow, this is key to self-love and, as women, if we don't do that self-love for ourselves, nobody's going to do it for us. They're going to think that we're okay, I'm sure she can do this, she can handle this, this is fine. So it's very important that we step out and say, hey, enough is enough. I also like what she said, and if anybody want to make a suggestion towards some of the steps that she said, no problem. I'm reading the comments. I'm trying to read the comments. They're a little bit behind, but I'm trying to read them.
Speaker 1:Another thing she said that was just that hit me so hard was chasing out the people who are running away from you, and sometimes we downplay how people treat us because we think, oh no, they didn't mean that, he didn't mean that or she didn't mean that or she didn't mean that. But if they running away, let them go. And I remember telling a few of the counseling sessions that I've had with individuals that you know that sometimes the very thing that God is pulling away from us is the very thing that we chasing with everything within us, not realizing that God has given us a way out. And sometimes it's best to just throw your hands up and say, okay, leave it alone. One thing my mom always told me. She said if you love something, let it go. If it come back, it was yours. If you don't, it never was. So let it go. And sometimes it's hard.
Speaker 1:As women it's really hard because we are such nurturers and we're always trying to fix things nurturables and we're always trying to fix things. We're always trying to mold things and put ourselves secondary so that we could try and fix it. But we're not fixers. It's not for us to fix, especially if it's going to wear and tear on your mental capacity. You got to learn that enough is enough. And I tell people all the time I say when you had enough, you'll do something about it and just hopefully it ain't to that point where you snap I don't know if y'all watched that, but I watched snap. We don't want to get to that point where you snap. You just want to say, hey, I can't continue to give you so much of me when you're not giving anything back and you have to draw the line somewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, trying to get everybody to understand you. Like she said, we're unique. God created us to be unique in our own way and everybody's not going to think like we think. And it took me a long time to really get to that process. I used to be like now, why would she do that? That made no sense. It didn't make any sense to me but to her. She may be seeing it from a different point of view, and that's okay. Everybody's not going to think like you. Everybody's not going to feel the way that you feel, and it's okay. Just continue being who you are.
Speaker 1:I had a friend that told me Patsy, don't be on your life for other people. I had several people telling me that because I would be at a point where you know I don't want to overstep and I don't want to. I don't want to outshine people, or and not that I intentionally try to do that I'm just being my authentic self, and my spiritual daughter and a friend both said you know what? Don't dim your light for other people. That's not your responsibility. It's not your problem if they have a problem with your shine and they should step up their shine. My shine is truly for the glory of God, so I never try to do anything on my own, and I skipped over one Three. She talked about downing and shaming yourself, feeling guilty about decisions that you've made in the past and things that you didn't feel. That was quite right and oh she just went.
Speaker 1:It's so true because sometimes, when God forgives us, everything is thrown in the sea of forgiveness. But we have a hard time forgetting the things that we've done and the things that we've allowed to be done to us. And in order to move forward to that place of self-help, you got to be able to forgive yourself, and we're going to go a little deeper into that later on. You got to be able to forgive yourself for the things that you know that's in the past. You can't bring it. You can't change it. What happened back there is back there. You can't change it. You can't bring it. You can't change it. What happened back there is back there. You can't change it. You can't make it right or make it better, because if you could, a lot of us would go all the way back there and do that thing over again. But that's not how life is. Life is a lesson learned. Now, if we go back there and we do it again, something ain't right. It's insanity Doing the same thing and expecting a different result. You can't go back and do it, so let it go. It no longer belongs to you and so let it go. This is a good one, going back to the things that broke you. I used to understand how people who had been in traumatic situations, how it bothers them or how they in their future. It's hard for them to get past and I would say I don't understand how you know. But if we keep visiting the things that broke us, we'll never get over those things. And not to downplay that they don't they're not experiencing something that was traumatic to them not by any means. Do what you have to do to move forward Therapy, anxiety, whatever you need to do to get past it. Get past it, but don't allow it to break you, because you got to remember things that happened back there. Those people were doing power scrubbers and as long as you allow that to torment you, they still have control and you got to be able to take back that control in order to love yourself and love who you are and who God created you to be. So those are just a few things that I came back.
Speaker 1:I see that Michelle say she's learning to set boundaries. Good, because if not, people walk all over you and you'd be like what did I do? Izzy also says saying no more and spending time alone, learning new versions of myself in each season of life. That is great. Can we give her a round of applause for that? Because you have to learn your stuff and we are constantly growing as women.
Speaker 1:Men don't understand sometimes our emotional growth. You know, they may look at us and we've been together for so many long and you see I'm getting a little thick. You see my physical appearance, but you don't see the change in my emotional and my mental appearance. And if you're in a relationship, that's something that you could share with your significant other. As to this is what I'm going through and this is how I'm feeling at that time, because sometimes we don't tell them. Yeah, and I'm just grateful that I went back and forth with a topic for tonight and the audience that I wanted to grab, but I also just thought the Holy Spirit just led me to self-love, because sometimes we get in spaces, especially when we have children, because it's all about getting them up, getting to school, getting in the car, drive them, drop them off, go to work, and it's just become a constant routine. It's like you just be in the motion of things and we forget about ourselves. So that's why, and when it hit me like self-care, I was like, okay, you know what? You're right. We need to care about ourselves, because, guess what, who's going to care about us if we don't do it for ourselves? All right, so I have a few things I want to share with you as well.
Speaker 1:Self-love is honoring yourself, honoring who you are, regardless of what has happened in your past, regardless of the route that you have taken, regardless of whatever they say and we never know who they is because they never really tell us who they are. They always say they say it. It's time for us to honor who we are as women. We are strong, we are vibrant, we are backbones. We run the house, you know. We work, we have careers. It's not like back in the day where we just stayed home and took care of the house. Now we're contributing, not just keeping the house clean, but we're contributing financially to it too, which means we have to leave the home or some of y'all are probably luckier than I am. You get to work from home I would love to do that, but you can't teach them from here but you get the opportunity to be part of the whole unit, versus just having the babies cooking the meals, doing the laundry, making sure, doing the groceries and stuff. We contribute so much more. So we have to honor ourselves, regardless of things that we've gone through, Because if we don't honor ourselves, we can't expect for anyone else.
Speaker 1:Self-love is also continuing to love the parts of you that need to be nurtured. Anything whatever needs to be nurtured, whatever you need to remind yourself of, whatever you deem is key for your peace of mind. There we go for your peace of mind. Your peace is so important. Pastor spoke this past week about giving your peace to people. They're going to walk all over it if you don't step it up and say wait a minute, no, we're not going to do that, reminding yourself that there's times that you've been there and done that. Been there, done that. Now I know a lot of times.
Speaker 1:It's that there's an old saying I don't know who said it, but I've heard it throughout my life is history repeats itself. If it's negative, we don't need no part of that at all. If it doesn't bring you joy, there's no reason for it to repeat itself. Put your foot down, step, say no, I don't think so. This is not how I expected for this to go and I'm not going to revisit something that brings me down. I'm not going to go out there and put my hand out, for you to smash my hand and hurt me again. It's like my mom used to say to me okay, so don't put your hand on the stove because it's hot. I would be crazy and go over there and try and just feel the heat. One day my hand slipped and I touched that eye and I don't know if you ever had a little first degree burn. But when I told you, that gave me a valuable lesson. I'm not going back and putting my hand on that stove because I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1:And sometimes we get into situations where we know it's not good for us. We know it's not good for us, but we think, maybe if I could, just maybe, if I could just change them a little bit, maybe if they could see it from my way. And that goes back to that other point trying to get everyone to understand you and your process of thinking. No, we're not going to do that and so we have to be able to move forward and let those things go. Another one self-love is forgiveness. Oh, she, she mentioned that too. She was about talking down to yourself or whatever, and I. Forgiveness is so important y'all, it really is. It's so important. And an example I have from that was I know I shared in the first episode about being in a domestic relationship with my oldest daughter.
Speaker 1:Father, the best thing that man could have ever given me was my daughter. She's amazing. But I was in this relationship and I kept thinking that maybe I could change him and maybe this is my fault and take an ownership of stuff that he was doing to me. But it wasn't, and it it's so crazy y'all. I think I had been married about Maybe about 19 years, when I finally Now, mind you, I'm married to someone who is so supportive in every thing that I decide that I want to do with my crazy stuff. But For almost 20 years I'm in a marriage and I'm still do with my crazy stuff. But for almost 20 years I'm in a marriage and I'm still holding on to this unforgiveness toward myself.
Speaker 1:And one day, I think we were on the way from church and I just started crying and I said, oh my God, I couldn't believe that I have finally forgiven myself for allowing me to be a punching bag, allowing me to be disrespectful, because as long as I was holding on to it, it was really hard for me to let my God down and even in being married for almost 20 years, let my God down and let my husband into all of this space. Of course I did what I was supposed to do as a wife and mother and all that stuff, but in my head I was messed up in my head because I stood back and I allowed this guy to beat me. And it took a long time for me to forgive myself for that, forgiving yourself for things that happened in your life and the things that you had no control over. Maybe you were a child and someone was beating you, or maybe it was something that was out of your control and it wasn't that you allowed it. You were a kid, you didn't know.
Speaker 1:So sometimes you know you have to know when and where to forgive yourself. Prayer, god will lead you to it because he will take care, he will care of us and, like I said, that forgiveness was the only way that I could. I could move on, like I could actually have a conversation with this guy. If something were to happen to my, my, my daughter, I could literally reach out and say, hey, this has happened and I just want you to be aware. Mind you, I I don't have to, but if I need to, I would. So forgiveness is so important.
Speaker 1:So if anybody have anything they would like to share, come on, you can call in. I think it's 754-222-2219. Give me a call and we'll talk about it. If you have anything that you want to, you want to share, masha, put in. How do you forgive yourself Because I'm blaming myself for allowing myself to get involved with my ex? Oh, that's, you know what. You have to forgive yourself. You have to look at that as a chapter. You have to close it. You have to ask. I don't know your relationship with God.
Speaker 1:If you have a relationship with God, you ask God to help you move forward, because it's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen overnight, but you have to know your worth. Okay, I think I got a call coming in. Hello, hi, hi, how are you? Thank you for calling in. I'm well, how are you? I'm doing well, thank you. So I just read your question. I'm doing well, thank you. So I just read your question. How do you forgive yourself? Yeah, yeah, that's the question. I think sometimes we you when we close a chapter, we can't do well on the chapter, we have to say, okay, this is it. Been there, done that. I have to move on. And if you have a relationship with the Lord, you ask the Lord to help you move forward, and it's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen overnight and it's not going to happen overnight. I can't hear you, hello.
Speaker 2:I think I've moved hello. I think I've moved forward physically, but mentally and emotionally I haven't yeah More, so mentally.
Speaker 1:More so mentally.
Speaker 2:You said yes, because I've taken the steps to move forward. I left the situation, but I find myself dwelling on it at times. I made the wrong decision to take the steps that I took with that person. Now I feel like I took 10 steps back.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:If that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does make sense. I understand what you mean, because sometimes there's a learning process in everything. It's a lesson to be learned there. Had you not taken that, you would have never known what that situation was going to be. You could have been dragged along the whole time. And then you take this stuff out and you put yourself and that's part of self-love when we put ourselves secondary to people and they don't meet the expectations that we thought or the game that they ran that we thought was going to be okay. So then we start blaming ourselves for the lack of what we expected of them and they can't fulfill the need because we were supposed to be a unit and now you backed out on the unit.
Speaker 1:But what you can't do is beat yourself up for an experience. It may not have been the best experience, but it is an experience. So the next time someone come into your life, you'll know what signs to look for. You'll know the red flags, but it is an experience. So the next time someone come into your life, you'll know what signs to look for. You'll know the red flags, won't you? You'll know oh no, that's not it. That's not it right there, because had you not, it could have been a reoccurring door to the next person and mentally and emotionally, you have to let it go, because what you're doing now is you're torturing yourself for decisions that you made and it's time to move. It's time you gotta let that go, because, not that's gonna wear and tear on you, because in the meantime, while we are dwelling and what has taken place, the person that did it to us is living their best life right they live in their best life while we sitting over here pouting.
Speaker 1:Baby girl, you are much better than that. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are strong, you are a vibrant woman and any man in their right mind will be able to see that A good man. So, yeah, don't continue to give them the benefit of the doubt. And when I was talking about that whole forgiveness thing, I felt, you know, the whole time I was giving this guy power over me because of what he did to me. Don't give him that power. Take your power back, little by little. Take it back because again they over there doing what makes them happy. And while we're saying that was not a good decision in dwelling in that, think about that. Think about how much power you want to give him over your mental health. He don't deserve it. She don't deserve it. Nobody deserves to have that type of power and that type of control. I hope that answered your question.
Speaker 2:Yes, Shada, thank you very much.
Speaker 1:You're welcome and thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 2:No problem.
Speaker 1:All right, love you.
Speaker 2:Love you too. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Bye. Okay, Let me go to the chat Malaika says. I always like to say I did the best I could with the skills and the knowledge I had at the time. That's a good one too. Life is about growing up and changing, and that's what life is about is learning, and I was just telling my daughter the other day. I said my mom did the best that she could with what she had and then what I felt like I didn't get growing up, I tried to make sure my kids had when they growing up, when they were growing up, and now they try to make sure they kids get what they didn't have growing up so it's like a revolving service, so it's like what you, the knowledge and the skills you have at the time, that's all you could do, that's all you can do, that's all you can use.
Speaker 1:Nicole says removing yourself from the environment is the first important step. You can think clearly. That is so true. Sometimes I tell Eric I just have to get up out of South Florida sometimes and I'll be like I'm going to my mom's, I'm going to hang out with Ruby, because I just need a change of space, and not that Eric and I are going through anything. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with life and what's going on in it. It's a lot. So I'll be like, yeah, I'm going to go to my grandma, to my mom. I remember one time I went to my mom and the kids were like, hey, daddy, where's mom? And it's so funny. The only person that knew where I was is Mesa, and that's only because she called me while I was down there and I answered. But she was the one who knew, but she kept my secret. Thank you, girl, she kept my secret. So, yeah, sometimes I just needed to get away and it's okay. It's okay and we can say the first step that you could do in a situation that's toxic is to move yourself away from that. That's great.
Speaker 1:She also said it is true you should give yourself half the time you were with someone to get over the person. For example, you are with someone for five years or so. You give yourself 2.5 years to heal. That's a long time, but take all the time you need. Take all the time you need. Don't rush into another relationship because, honestly, you still gotta you gotta be like an onion. You gotta peel that off.
Speaker 1:You ever been in a place where you say you know what, I need a shower? I just I remember going through some things emotionally and I was about to waterlog myself. I was taking showers three, four times a day and I don't know why. I just felt dirty and I felt like I needed to peel off what was going on and I just could not get myself together and I literally took where are you? I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower, you're that dirty? No, I'm not that dirty, I'm just in here trying to wash off what's going on in my mind. That was crazy, but that's what I did and it whatever.
Speaker 1:However long it takes you to move forward, take the time to love yourself. The girl said in the video be okay being alone, be okay with enjoying your own company, and once you learn to love you, then somebody else could love you like you want to be loved. But you have to love yourself first. You have to. As Mather says, therapy helps you learn how to process, forgive and thrive. From the decisions Absolutely, I am one. The decisions Absolutely, I am one. For therapy. Absolutely, it helps to talk to somebody. It really does. It really helps to talk to someone and let them know how you're feeling. Maybe they can give you some guidance and some direction, and that's great. Oh, and Tracy said and if you don't forgive them, they keep that power over you. That is so true. They will keep that power over you and you will be. You end up being stuck. Give it away, give it to them, let them have it. They can have it, they can have it, they can have it, they can have it. Okay. So let me move over here to these. Oh, okay, retract. Let's see Some things you could do to prepare yourself for self-love.
Speaker 1:Remind yourself that you are worthy, get rid of the negativity that you are worthy. Get rid of the negativity. Whatever is preventing you from loving on. You get rid of it. Like I said, it'll take a moment, but you have to know that you're worth. The Bible says we are beautifully and wonderfully made, so we are worthy, we are jewels. And I tell when I'm talking to my husband I'm like a woman is like a diamond. A nice round, smooth diamond is worth a lot Worth its weight and go. Once you start nicking it and chipping it and bruising it, the value goes down. You got to consider yourself like a diamond.
Speaker 1:I love this song. Yeah, I told y'all last time I'm a Rihanna fan and in her song she says shine bright like a diamond and you have to let your light shine. You have to know that you are worthy and you have to let your light shine. You have to know that you are worthy and you are. And you got to remember that you have to love on yourself first. You have to love on yourself first. If you can't love you, you can't expect someone else to love you Not the way you deserve to be loved and you got to love you. You know your self-love. It has to be about you first and in this particular way, it's okay to be selfish. When it comes down to you. It's okay to be selfish. It really is. It truly is okay to be selfish when it comes down to your mental health, your well-being. You got to be yourself and you can't let anybody distract you from loving on you.
Speaker 1:And just remember we had a pastor said this past Sunday no, it's a complete sentence, it does not need an explanation. I should not have to say no because I'm going to be doing this or no because I'm going to be doing that. No, I said no, can you come and do it? No, why I said no? Because when we start giving them explanations, then they start creating oh she this, or she thinks she too much to do that, or she think no. I remember the girls calling me saying hey, mom, what you going to be doing? Oh, I'm busy. What are you gonna be doing? Nothing, but then you ain't busy. Yeah, I am, I'm busy doing nothing, that's my time and I want to do nothing. So, whatever it was you was gonna ask me to answer no. It took me a while to do that because I always felt, as a grandmother and as a mom, I should be there and I should be able to do this and do that for my kids and my grandchildren, and it's okay. I'll do what I can when I can, but in the meantime, my time is my time and don't take my time for granted. So no is a complete sentence and it needs no explanation. All right, anybody got any questions? Anybody want to call in 754-222-2219. If you want to add into that. So we're getting down to the end and just some of the.
Speaker 1:I just want to share with you some of the things that I do for self-love, for myself. Michelle mentioned in the comments already, so we got this in common. I take bubble baths with candles, with music and sometimes an occasional glass of wine. Yeah, that's my, and when I go to do that, everybody in the house, including the dog and the husband, know I'm doing my me time. That's my me time. In my me time I'll get in my car, put the roof back, drop the windows and usually I don't know when I'm listening to Jill Scott. Anyway, turn up my music, whatever it may be, and I'll get on the I and I'll drive and drive until I get tired and turn around and come home. Sometimes you need that space, sometimes you need to clear your head, sometimes you just need to take care of you and if that's something that you enjoy doing, do it.
Speaker 1:I'll go get a foot massage a foot, a body massage. I'll take my little ear pieces in there, pop them in my ear and just be gone. Just be gone. Yep, that's what I do and it's something that is so. I started doing this. I used to work at a call center and and I would say to the ladies that sat behind me, I would tell them I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, look in the mirror and say I'm checking, I'm good, but I have to remind me that I am wonderful, I am beautiful.
Speaker 2:I am worth it.
Speaker 1:I look in the mirror and they will be like you know what? You're crazy. But if I don't boost me up, who's going to do that? Who's going to do it? So you got to get out there. You got to look in the mirror and be like hey girl, hey, what you got going on today. What color you feeling today? I choose my wardrobe by whatever color I feel like I want to wear that day. It's just a thing that I do. I don't know if other women do it as well, but that's something that I do.
Speaker 1:Let me hit this chat right quick. Cynthia says it's amazing that I just had this conversation with her grand this evening that I'd be thinking about myself first. Absolutely, absolutely, cynthia, absolutely. Because if you put yourself second, they will continue to want you to put yourself second and then you'll find yourself putting yourself second without even thinking about it. So, absolutely. Sometimes we just have to. Sometimes we just we have to just make that decision and don't worry about who feelings we're going to hurt when we do it. We have to stay focused because, honestly, if we don't take care of ourselves, we can't really productively take care of them. This is why.
Speaker 1:I take that two hour nap every day in the summer, and even when even myworkers they'll be like. Ms Patsy, I needed to call you, but I figured it was your nap time and I'll be like it sure was, it was my nap time, so even they know I need to rest. I need to get myself together because at the end of the day, ain't nobody going to take care of me like me, but me, and that's something that you got to get in your mind. I'm grateful to have a supportive husband, but at the end of the day, if I'm not taking care of me, I can't expect for him to do it. Yeah, and retail therapy I have a little addiction.
Speaker 1:That's my confession. I have a small addiction, but so far, yes, I did. I was about to say so far I haven't bought anything. But yeah, I have, I just got.
Speaker 1:I have a small addiction, but sometimes when I feel like I have this me time, I need to go buy something. So I go do some retail therapy. I choose it and I'm not crazy. I make sure all my responsibilities are taken care of before I just go out blowing money. I'm not that addicted, but I make sure that I do something nice for myself, and that's another thing that I do, and my mom has already told me you work, you work hard Every paycheck. Buy yourself something. I don't care if it's a pair of underwear. Buy something for you Because you put in them 80 hours or 90 hours or however many hours. Do something nice for you, even if it's just a candle, something, makeup, lipstick, anything. Show yourself that you're worthy. Honor yourself, reward yourself. You deserve it, ladies. You deserve it. And if we don't, I feel like I haven't been single in a minute. But when I was, when I was, I always carried myself like I wasn't. They need to know, but I always did something and carried myself in a manner that I'm not desperate, I'm not lonely, I'm not just gonna let you dog walk me. I walk with my head held high and we have to have that same mannerism. Where I might be single, but I'm a catch, I'm going to hold my head up high. I got it. I got it going on because I take care of my business and I think sometimes we get caught up into you know, I want to get married one day or I want to be in a relationship one day, but first you got to love yourself and you got to show yourself that you're worthy, Okay. So now we're getting down to the wire, okay.
Speaker 1:So I have a few questions that I want to ask for the audience. You can call in or you can answer in the chat. I'll prefer someone will call or you can answer in the chat. I would prefer if someone would call, but if not, the chat is fine, I can do that there.
Speaker 1:Michelle said we're beautiful like diamonds in the sky. Absolutely, we are, and we are. If we weren't, if we wasn't worthy, god wouldn't have created Eve, not mine, you, eve. There's some stuff she had no business doing, but they need us. But we got to make sure we're looking out for self first, all right, so my first question is what do you do to show self-love? And I think Michelle had put in there that she does bubble bath, candles, wine and a book. Nice, I got to get to them. I got three books that I bought years ago and I'm only halfway through it all three of them. I need to get back to that.
Speaker 1:It's made to put saying no and spending more time with herself, and I really love how she said new version of herself. We evolved and changed every day. That's something that my grandmother used to tell me all the time she say I'd be like. And she say, when I grow up and I used to be like when you grow up and you're already like 60-something, what are you talking about? And she said, baby, we never stopped growing up. As long as you're on this earth, you will continue to grow, continue to learn, continue to evolve. And that was profound. I find myself remembering a lot of things that she said to me in my older years, in my more seasoned life. I find myself remembering a lot of stuff that she deposited in us and I try my best to try and lead and share with my daughters and my spiritual daughters and my friends when they say you know, you always have something wise to say. I get it from my grandma, that's where I get it from, if anybody have anything they want to share.
Speaker 1:The first question was what do you do to show yourself self-love and self-care? And again, you can only put yourself in that position by choice. You have to choose what you want for yourself and how you want to see the reflection of yourself by doing stuff. Love. Nikki put, nikki put, she liked to work out with weight to show herself love. And she repeat positive affirmation. That's good, I like that. Sometimes you do. You have to tell yourself that you're better than what you think you are. You can do this. You're stronger than what you see, and some days you may be down and out, but you have to rise up, and if you don't rise up, you don't want to stay down too long. You don't want to stay down too long. You want to pick yourself up and you want to keep moving forward. That's good, right there, I long. You want to pick yourself up and you want to keep moving forward. That's good, right there, I like that. I would love to get into the gym. I'm just a bit lazy here lately, but I'm going to get that together.
Speaker 1:Do you love yourself before loving others? Do you love yourself before loving others? I would like to think that we do love ourselves. I would like to think that I definitely love myself before loving others, because I feel like if I can't be true to me, I can't be true to them. It's going to be a facade, it's going to be a mask. I'm doing what I got to do to get through it, but I want to truly show genuine love to other people.
Speaker 1:The Bible say that we should love our neighbors like we love ourselves and if we don't love ourselves, we definitely don't love our neighbors. I never thought about that, but that is true. I never really thought about that scripture about love love your neighbor like you love yourself. Interesting, but you got to love yourself first. You got to put yourself first. How does it make you feel when you put yourself first?
Speaker 1:Like I said, if I'm putting myself first and I'm loving me, it's easy for me to love somebody else even my neighbor, relatives, relatives is always shaky ground. However, you have to put things aside and love, even if it hurts your feelings. You have to put things aside and you have to love, because that's going to be the key. That's what's going to get you to where you get. I was having a conversation with my daughter when she came down for a visit and I said to her I said people have said some really bad things about me, hurt my feelings, made me cry to my go to Eric and cry, and just really bad things, just really bad things about me. But it was important for me to move on because I couldn't allow the power of those words to torture me and put me in a situation where I would be in a place of unforgiveness. Okay, I think we have a caller on the line. Go ahead, caller.
Speaker 4:Hi Mom, Good evening, it's Nikki. Hey mom Good evening.
Speaker 1:It's Nikki. Hey, nikki, thank you for calling in.
Speaker 4:Of course, you just said something about how you feel when you put yourself first and I, a single mom, I have to admit I feel extremely guilty. Mom, I have to admit I feel extremely guilty. Even when I like to go and work out, I try to do it when you know Juicy is asleep, when she's not going to need me, and then, even if she's up and she knows now she's at the age where she can stay by herself at home, I'm rushing so I can make sure that I'm getting back to her, and then I don't get a chance to fully enjoy the time by myself, even when I go and buy things for myself, which is you like to shop. So when you go and buy something to treat yourself, I just feel so much guilt. I haven't really bought anything really nice for myself in a very long time and I was just wondering, like, how do you balance that? How do you not feel guilty about putting yourself first when you have so many other different responsibilities that require you to put yourself last?
Speaker 1:Everything. Don't require you to put yourself last. You have to make a goal. Let's say, for instance, your birthday is in October. In October, I'm going to buy me something. I'm going to focus on what needs to be done. School is getting back. I got to get supplies. I got to do all this because these are the things that are a priority that she has to have. But in October is my birthday, so I'm going to do something for me. That's it. That's your balance. This is something they want to do for me. This is my birthday, I'm doing this and, of course, she's old enough.
Speaker 1:Let's remember I used to go to the gym too, and I used to leave. Now, y'all had each other, so y'all weren't alone, but I used to go and I used to do my aerobics and my turkey trots and all that stuff, and because you guys had each other, it wasn't as bad. Juicy is mature enough to handle while you do a complete workout. She know what it details or if she want to get a little take and make a workout with you. But you also need that time to yourself, that time of where you have to balance out. You got to think about you and you can't be guilty about it.
Speaker 1:Again, we talked about my mom giving me what she could do. I gave you guys what I could, and you guys are giving your kids what you can, but you can't put self last when it comes down to kids. Remember she's going to grow up one day and she's going to be on about her little way. She's going to go to college. She might move back home and, standing up, she might decide she's going to grow up one day and she's going to be on about her little way. She's going to go to college, she might move back home and, standing around, she might decide she's going to go live somewhere else, you don't know. So you got to make sure you give her the tools that she need to prepare her for maturity, and the only way you can do that stuff is to make sure you look out and take care of yourself. Did that that answer your question?
Speaker 4:Okay, yes, that answers my question. Thank you, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for calling me and I love you. I love you too, bye, bye. Malika says the same as Nikki. Let me see what Nikki put. I'll say she likes to do the same stuff as Nikki, but she always feels like she's rushing. I think you're always rushing. Slow down, take a breather, take a moment for yourself and I know you have a little one and of course she's two and she's busy. But that's where you and Dad have to say you can watch here. I'm just gonna pop in my ear things and I'm gonna go for a little quick walk.
Speaker 1:It don't have to be a half an hour or whatever time you can, because at the end of the day, like the lady said in the video, when you're trying to put everybody first, you're gonna burn out. When you're putting everybody's needs before your needs, you're going to burn out. So you got to take a second, you got to take a breather, even if it's just hopping in the car, putting the top back and going for a ride. You got to be at that place where you can have a kumbaya moment. Yeah, she had forgotten that. She treated herself better than any man ever could, and ain't that the truth? From the moment that I met you, you've always done that, and when you remind yourself that you better than that, that's it. That's key, right there. That is key all the way.
Speaker 1:Okay, my time is winding up. I know I'm sorry. I'll air sign my ear, okay, so my time is winding up. But if anybody want to call in a little bit and I thank you for the ones that call in I thank you all for joining me. I truly appreciate it and we are about to be out of here. Thanks again for joining us. I had such a great time and I'll see you guys in two weeks, all right, so we're going to close out. Can we roll that music? Take care.
