Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
From Hustle to Harmony: Strengthening Your Marriage This Christmas
Rediscover the joy of the holiday season by embracing meaningful connections and innovative traditions. We promise you'll learn how to manage holiday stress and enhance relationships by fostering open communication and appreciation. By managing expectations and responsibilities, couples can prevent misunderstandings and stress, turning potentially overwhelming holiday duties into a shared, joyful experience. Learn how to transition from traditional gift exchanges to acts of generosity that bring deeper meaning to the season, and explore creating realistic holiday schedules that prioritize your family while respecting broader commitments.
Have you ever felt the winter blues creeping in, impacting your motivation and mood? You're not alone, and we address this common issue with practical communication strategies. We share personal stories, including a humorous anecdote about procrastination involving a car screen, to illustrate the importance of planning ahead and maintaining a supportive environment at home. Discover the power of checking in with your partner throughout the day, especially during challenging times, and how consistent communication can foster a nurturing and understanding relationship, even amid holiday stress.
Family traditions hold the key to strengthening family bonds and creating cherished memories. We discuss the importance of setting a realistic budget to avoid financial stress and share ideas for personal family traditions that reflect your unique family dynamics. From special holiday breakfasts to charitable activities, these traditions not only highlight the joy of giving and quality time but also ensure a legacy of unity across generations. Plus, we reminisce about past traditions and explore how you can create new ones for your family to cherish. Thank you for joining us, and stay tuned for our next episode where we explore goal-setting for 2025.
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All right, so we're ready to get into our topic tonight. I'll be doing that. We're talking about tips on how to grow closer during Christmas, because we know Christmas is a hectic time and sometimes you can grow apart trying to get through Christmas. Christmas is not meant to drive people apart. It's supposed to be driving us together. So we got some tips here that we read about and we wanted to just talk about those tips tonight. We may not get through all of them, but we want you to chime in with us. We're going to see what you think, all right?
Speaker 1:Tip number one you have to manage your expectations surrounding the holidays. Sometimes I would say from reading this is we have different expectations of our spouse Even before the holidays, and now during the holidays, we expect them hey, they should be cooking this, or they should not be cooking that. I should be expecting to do this certain chore, that certain chore, and without communication. Right, you can expect all you want to, but you got to communicate what you're actually going to be doing, because sometimes you get sick, sometimes you get tired, sometimes you just don't want to do what you would normally do, and so you have to sit down and what you think about expectations.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing when you have children and the mix of the holidays, then it is like you do have to set up. I'm going to handle this, you're going to handle that.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:That way we can come into the middle and everything is done. So letting them know what is expected, or just sitting down writing a list. Okay, you're going to shop for the boys, I'm going to shop for the girls.
Speaker 1:Okay, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2:Okay, so this is a list of what everybody wants, or whatever. So we, this is a list of what everybody wants, or whatever, and so we separate and we go and we do that. And we come back to the middle. So we're going to pick a day where we're going to wrap toys and put stuff underneath the Christmas tree. It's important to communicate during this time because you don't want to bump heads and end up getting the same thing you got to keep the line of communication open.
Speaker 2:You got to also remember that there are traditions and have we're going to talk about that too we have traditions that we do. Like one of our traditions what we started don't go too fast, baby. We're going to talk about traditions okay, but just kind of openly discuss what it is that you need from each other during that time, because there's so much going on.
Speaker 2:The traffic is even heavier, the weather is colder you know and you just can get those winter blues in the process of you may have a loved one that that was a favorite holiday. And now you're dealing with that because they done went to heaven and a lot comes on.
Speaker 2:A lot of people get depressed during that time. So it's important to talk to each other to make sure you're keeping the spirits lifted up with each other. Even if there is no loss of a loved one, Just the whole humdrum and the whole hustle and bustle of it can wear and tear on you in the holidays, so it's important to keep a line of communication open.
Speaker 1:It's not about fulfilling every wish, but about cherishing the time together as a spouse, all right. Number two clearly communicate responsibilities and follow through. So the holiday season comes with extra tasks and unclear roles can lead to stress and resentment. You have to make a list of holiday responsibilities, like cooking and shopping and decorating, like you said, before you decide who's going to handle it Right. So that's what you got to have clear and, like you said, you got to clearly communicate it, because if you don't clearly communicate it, then it won't happen.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Because you assume that. And it goes back to number one, where you expecting somebody to do something, but it's not clearly communicated. So you want to do that. So clear communication ensures no one feels overwhelmed and both partners can contribute meaningfully. So that's why we got to have clear communications. All right, yeah, all right. Number three is verbalize your appreciation. Yes. Number three is verbalize your appreciation. Yes, verbalize your appreciation Every day.
Speaker 1:You should be thanking your spouse for something, or try to. You should be a simple thank you for just doing something daily responsibilities, Because sometimes we as spouses, we do things. A little thank you goes a long way. Showing that show that your spouse is looking at the little things, right? We often say, especially in the church world, is that a lot of times we want to thank God for the big things but we never want to thank God Not never, but we look over thanking God for the little things, right? Sometimes we get up in the morning and we just start hustling. We go to work, we come home and or we go to work and something happens and thank God, but we forget about thanking God just for waking us up, that we have eyesight. We forget about those things because they just come because it's like a daily routine.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so we should thank our spouse for the daily response. If you cook a meal, hey, thank you for cooking. If you bring slippers, hey, thank you for bringing my slippers, or something like that. That's how it should be. Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling on that one?
Speaker 2:Because I thank you for everything that you bring to me.
Speaker 1:And when.
Speaker 2:I say, hey, babe, can I get a snack?
Speaker 1:and a drink, thank you. Yeah, I always say thank you, I do I appreciate the small things. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2:And it's so important just to recognize that person went out their way to do it. I mean, like I leave Eric alone during the football season and whatever. But I will say to him yo babe, when you catch a commercial, can you bring?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do that.
Speaker 2:Can you do me this, or can you do me this favor, or something like that, because of course I'm in the bed playing my game.
Speaker 1:You get so regular appreciation, reminds your spouse their love and support it even during the busiest holiday season. Right, so you could be going out there, like you said earlier, so much hustle and bustle man, during Christmas season, just for them to think about you. Maybe they out shopping and they call you and they say, hey, you want something to eat. They're thinking, think about it, they're thinking about you, that they call you even though they're out hustling and doing whatever. They say, hey, you want something to eat. Oh, thank you for thinking about me. So thank you. It's a good we need to verbalize because we don't want to be like again. I would tell you the story how my dad would say look, I work, you have a house, you have all this kind of stuff and I don't have to verbalize it because you got that.
Speaker 2:I'm showing you that I love you by providing yeah but verbalizing it is very good. It's good to hear.
Speaker 1:Right, verbalizing is good, so we need to verbalize our appreciation. Okay, alright, we're moving right along. Number four we got to schedule intentional intimate time. We did a podcast on that. We did a podcast on that. We did a show on about scheduling intimacy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did.
Speaker 1:And it goes right back to what you're saying. You get so busy wrapping gifts and especially if you have children we're thinking about boy, you have multiple children, it is even worse. We had six. Yeah, ferg, you had a lot too, I can imagine, because they used to buy gifts. So you're doing all of that kind of stuff and sometimes you're so tired you don't have intimacy with your spouse and you need to schedule that intimacy don't have to always just be sex, the physical part sometimes it's a cuddle or right down beside me or whisper in my ear, rub my shoulders.
Speaker 2:Find that moment, because it can get overwhelming. You still have to work, yeah yeah. You still got to put in those eight hours, that 40-hour week, and in between that time you got to figure out this, that and other. So the last thing on your mind most likely is sex, but a hug or a caress. But if sex happened to come, If it happened to come along the way then, who knows?
Speaker 2:but it's a lot and it could be overwhelming. It could be overwhelming and it could push that part of intimacy away. Right, you wrap them gifts and put them, kids to bed or wrap each other wrap each other up, put a big bowl on each other that kind of rolled us right into number five that's what's five number five scheduled date nights, that's I mean, we do that right throughout the year. We tell everybody to do it, so it's important that you do it during the holidays too because tell them, them, kids.
Speaker 2:Listen. We're going for a cup of coffee. Hold it down, We'll be right back.
Speaker 1:But what about if you can't leave your kids at home by themselves?
Speaker 2:If they're younger kids, find a place where they could go into like a little play area, like Chick-fil-A have a little play area where they can go in. You sit right next to the glass and y'all have y'all one-on-one and keep an eye on the kids. You have to figure out what's going to work for the unit.
Speaker 3:Right, right right.
Speaker 2:Especially when they're younger. Right If you have an older child, you got to start teaching them responsibility on how to watch out for the little ones so as they get older you don't have to worry about paying a babysitter because they're getting expensive.
Speaker 1:But you know what I mean. One of the things that I read is that you have to, even though babysitters may cost, investing in your marriage is worth it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:Investing in your marriage is worth it. So you can't ship them off to grandma and grandpa, you can't? Huh, I say you can't do that, then you. If you can't do that, then you might have to pay a babysitter. But again, investing in your marriage, investing in your relationship, through all of this hustle and bustling, is worth it Just to have, like you said, that time where that woosah, where it's just you and your spouse having a cup of coffee, not at home, but at Starbucks, something like that, dunkin' Donuts, something away.
Speaker 2:Or even like a little mom and pop coffee shop where it's not the hustle and bustle because Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts is a hustle and bustle, you can't even get out you want somewhere where you can sit quietly and just have a moment.
Speaker 1:What do you think about a Netflix time where you have Netflix and you have hot cocoa like a cool night. We open up all the windows, you have Netflix and sit on the back porch while the kids watching a movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can work it out. The important thing is to take that time, because that time is important.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That time to have a moment and fall in love again. Right, yeah, yeah, and fall in love again.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah, all right Now. Hey, we got some people on here. Make sure you like and share. Make sure you like and share the video as we continue. What did Ferg say? What did Ferg say?
Speaker 2:The first thing he said. We stopped giving gifts. We found an angel tree family, found out what their needs are and let them go shopping. Experiencing that helped make the holidays more special. That is so true. I'm getting to a place in my life too, ferg, where getting gifts for Christmas is not important to me anymore. I used to want stuff, but God has truly been a blessing and I really don't need anything. I had a difficult time trying to come up with a wish list, so I think next year or maybe this year we'll look for we usually sponsor a family from the church, but I think if we could sponsor one from our personal family, I think I would love to see that and love to experience that. So thank you for that. I appreciate it. And sex is not always on the mind it's always on a mind first I just want to encourage people.
Speaker 2:It's a form of communication. It's a form of communication.
Speaker 1:Come on, ladies right it's a form of communication. Yeah, they say. People say they'd be going to church to the holies of holies.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:All right, we move around along. Please remember to like and share. All right, all right. So number seven no. Number six is develop a realistic Christmas schedule. Develop a realistic Christmas schedule because juggling multiple family gatherings can be overwhelming, so we have to create a clear schedule that considers your needs and set expectations for relatives. You got to communicate boundaries to avoid unnecessary stress or conflict, so a well-planned schedule reduces chaos and ensures both families feel included. All right, and so you have to prioritize what's best for your marriage and kids, setting the stage for a more peaceful holiday season. So, in essence, is that when you have two people coming together, you have two different families right.
Speaker 1:And so you got this going on. You got to go to this family. This family wants you to come, this family wants you to come. You got all of this is coming on. But you have to realize that, hey, it's about your family first. And then you develop and says, look, maybe on Christmas Eve we go and spend Christmas Eve with my family, and on Christmas Day we go and spend the day, or morning or in the evening, with you, because in the morning it's us. So you have to come over with a realistic schedule. You can't be all over the place. That's how it should be.
Speaker 2:I agree, and you have to set boundaries too, because some people would be like you was over there for Thanksgiving, why you can't be over here for Christmas? No, this is our plan. We as a family have sat down and made this arrangement.
Speaker 2:And if you can't follow our plan, then we'll go over there. You have to set boundaries because if you allow things to change, they're going to continue to change, right, right. So now you're in marriage with not just your husband and your children. Now you got family members in your marriage. You have to hold on to what's important to you, right right To your unit.
Speaker 1:Right, right I agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, got to develop it Whatever their schedule is. That's the schedule, and mom may want you over here. Mom, this is the schedule. Maybe next year we'll rotate, but this year this is the schedule and this is how we're going to accomplish it, and this is how we're going to do it. Alright, number seven you got to attack problems instead of each other. Right, you got to attack problems instead of each other. Whenever the problems is, you got to attack whatever the situation is instead of each other. Because, again, you know how it is when you get busy and you're looking for stuff, sometimes you're the first person you go off on.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's sometimes your spouse.
Speaker 2:And it's usually the closest person to you. Yeah, and so you're going to have problems during holiday season?
Speaker 1:It's sometimes your spouse, and it's usually the closest person to you. Yep, yep, and so you're going to have problems during holiday season. It's going to happen, but how you handle it matters. So you have to make sure we approach it by communicating, like you said, sitting down, having conflict resolution. However, you have established your conflict resolution process Right, so you do it and you handle it, but don't attack each other, because that won't be good, all right, and you have to celebrate the problems from your spouse. Whatever the problem is, you separate that and you say look, because again you got the hustle and bustle going on. You busy, I'm busy'm busy, and things are just going crazy. Oh, you was beginning to go back to expectation. Oh, I expected you. I thought you was going to be here. No, like you said, we need to sit down and communicate clearly. This is what's going on.
Speaker 2:Right, because you want to bring good energy.
Speaker 1:Yeah To the concept. Yeah, you want to.
Speaker 2:Because if you come with some strong, forceful energy, the response you get is going to be strong, forceful energy. So you want to be able to look, babe, I didn't like the way you was driving. I felt uncomfortable, I didn't feel safe because you was fussing with people in the traffic or something like that. If I come at you and say what's wrong with with you, you can't drive Immediately, the walls of defense are going to go up Right right right, right right.
Speaker 2:So having a gentle way, remind me what they say with gentle parenting but, no, having a more calm approach to whatever the situation is, it can be solved easily, right? But if you bring it voiceful, it's probably going to be one of those things that gets slapped under the rug because we got to move forward and we don't discuss it, but it's still there and now it's piling up.
Speaker 2:Right Now we're going to add all the other stuff that happened during the holidays there, and then, by the time New Year's get here, we ready to kill each other yeah. It's so important of how you approach the problems and resolve them.
Speaker 3:I know in here.
Speaker 2:It says solving problems together with grace and forgiveness. I looked up the word forgiveness today.
Speaker 1:Okay, what you got, what you got when you looked it up.
Speaker 2:It's just like being biblically. It is putting everything aside. No, rage, no, I'm going to go pick it up out of the sea of forgiveness and slap you in the face with it. I'm not going go pick it up out of the sea of forgiveness and slap you in the face with it. I'm not going to bring it up, I'm just going to, completely in my heart, just forgive you without any strings attached.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So I was like, okay, because I'm going to be speaking in January.
Speaker 1:So you ready for that yeah?
Speaker 2:I'm ready, I'm going to be speaking on forgiveness and I'm going to be transparent. This is what the Lord has done. But, yeah, so, with grace and forgiveness, be willing to forgive. We be willing not to be judgmental. We get enough judging from people all around us every single day. The last place we want to be judged is in our homes.
Speaker 1:Right, right. We don't want that. We don't want to be judged in our homes, right, right. Yeah, we don't want that. We don't want to be judging our homes all right, okay, all right. So the next one is plan ahead and don't be last minute. So last minute planning leads to unnecessary, unnecessary stress, and that's my problem. I'm a procrastinator, and I think Nikki is like that too oh my goodness it's like me and Nat are so not like that.
Speaker 2:I don't think Jordan is that way either. The way I will procrastinate. If I have a paper due, I'll be like, oh, I got time oh, I got time but I feel like I work much better when I'm writing a paper for a class or something.
Speaker 3:Right, right, right so.
Speaker 2:I work much better under pressure.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So if I know I have Thursday midnight to get that paper done and submit it to my professor, yeah, I'm going to start working on that on Tuesday. But I've had how many weeks, I don't know, but that's how I work on it. I work like that. Better under pressure in that situation, but anything else I'm being on time for it.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, I'm being on time.
Speaker 2:If I tell you I'm going to be there at 10 o'clock, you can best believe that. About 9.55 I'm pulling in the parking lot, I want to sit in my car and then I'm going to roll up in there 10 o'clock. On the dot I schedule in my head what I got to do for the day so I can organize it, and it's so helpful, especially for those who have children little children, you have to organize, like when we have muffin, we have my muffleduff. Hey girl, when we have my muffleduff and we babysitting her, I'm like this in the morning, I'm like, okay, at night I get her stuff together, I get my stuff together. In the morning she's going to have pancakes. I already tell her what she having you having pancakes for breakfast and I get up. It's okay, babe, here's how we're going to do this. You get the pancakes, I'm going to get her up, comb her hair, put her to the table, her, eat her pancakes and I'm and while she's doing that with her, I'm doing my makeup.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm saying I'm, I, I, I don't know, I don't wait till the last minute I don't wait till the last minute because I want things to go according to the plan, because, you know, if I just laze around like you, me and my friend probably never please all right.
Speaker 1:So hey, sparko, how you doing? Sparko, y'all look good. Jordan says I'm somewhat in the middle, leaning towards procrastinating, all right. And then ferg say what's the largest nation on the planet?
Speaker 2:it's procrastination I like that. It's so true. It's so true, even like.
Speaker 2:Even when I have Roya, when I have all the kids together, I'll be like, yeah, but that's just, it's important. Procrastination, it drives me insane, it truly drives me insane, to the point where I'm like you know what Perfect example the screen broke in my car and in my caddy y'all the screen, the screen couldn't work. I had to. I just couldn't operate because I needed to be able to press the button and talk, but the bottom of it was broken because I had been smashing it, trying to get it to work, but it wouldn't work.
Speaker 2:So I had said to him hey, I want a new screen. Okay, patsy, three months, I want a new screen. Okay, patsy, three months, I want a new screen. Okay, patsy, two months, I want a new screen. Okay, all right, patsy, I bought me a new screen, y'all. I bought it and I can go right down to the swap shop and get it fixed, because I was no longer waiting for him. He felt like you got this plug, farber, you should be okay. No, that's not what I wanted. I wanted it to work and I waited patiently eight months. I didn't argue with him, I just said when are you going to do it? So, once I bought it, and that's how I moved and I would like for you to move like that sometime.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It wouldn't stress me out.
Speaker 1:You like stressing me out, I don't like stressing y'all, baby, but it says planning ahead minimizes tension and allows you to enjoy the holidays, uh, more fully. So, yeah, we gotta, we gotta, do that. All right, uh, please make sure you like and share and, if you're listening, uh, once we upload it, please make sure you give us five stars. All right, number nine, number nine, what?
Speaker 2:about eight. Oh, we okay yeah, number eight.
Speaker 1:That was. Yeah, that was number eight. Our movie you're moving right along. Right, number nine check in with your spouse because the winter blues are real and that's what you were touching on before you got to check in with. Because cold, gloomy weather can dampen spirits and motivation. When it's real gloomy, it just it messes with you. It doesn't matter if it's down here in south florida or up there in north carolina or chicago or wherever in buffalo. When it's real gloomy, it just does something to your psyche because it's just gloomy and I don't feel like doing nothing. And so you have to check in with your spouse. Right, you have to check in with your spouse. Hey, how are you feeling today? I was going to say this and I forgot about it, but now it came back to me. I know we had did a viral moment where this lady said that her husband came home and he upset and she got to know how to handle it, whatever like that, and our conversation was what are you doing all day? Are you not talking to your spouse?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1:If you are coming home, right, and something I mean we talk all the day, all day, either texting or whatever like that, and if you get and if you're coming home, you should be able to not hold it in. You should be able to call your spouse and say you know what this is, what happened today? Right, and that's a part of checking in with your spouse, especially when it's gloomy, especially when you know that something on is going on at work, right, Something going on with family? Right, you should be checking in with your spouse. Something's going on with your spouse's family, right. You should love your spouse enough. Right To check in on your spouse when it's family problems that's going on with his family or her family. You should love your spouse enough, don't you agree?
Speaker 2:I do agree. I I feel like it doesn't even have to be a family member or anything, just check in. Just check in throughout the day even if it takes, hey how your day going sometimes you should be texting some good stuff sometimes I'll go all day and and and I'll be busy all day and I don't get a chance to talk to you, and then you'll hit me up and you say, hey, I ain't heard from you all day you know, and I'll be like like to the point where my teachers they like yeah, miss, pass is one o'clock.
Speaker 2:You, that call should be coming.
Speaker 2:When you call earlier than that, they'd be like hmm, he early today. But yes, and pointing, and I was talking to a friend that was like if I'm having a bad day, if he's having a bad day and he comes home and he wants to vent to his wife, and she was like come in and don't come in and charge at me, because I work too. So you didn't ask me how my day was, you just came in with oh, Jonathan didn't do so-and-so today, but if you had communicated throughout the day, that's what I said to her.
Speaker 2:But if you, had communicated throughout the day. That's what I said to her. I said with my husband I know that he's had a bad day because I've spoken to him throughout the day. So when he come home I'm going to try and make everything as calm as possible so he can tell me what happened and how he feel about what happened and what's his resolution to that happening. Encourage him, pray for him if he needs it at that time. But that lack of communication, you know you're not going to be able to. You can't fight fire with fire with.
Speaker 1:That is people say well, even if, even like you can do a text and say my day has not been good right so now yeah the day from me.
Speaker 1:So now you're already on alert that, okay, eric's day has not been good, so he's going to come home and he may vent. But I've already alerted you and say that my day is not going good, because who else do? I want to share how my day is going to, because if I keep it in it's going to burst, right? So I want to be able to share with you about how my day has been going and I may not call you. I mean, I may just say the day is not going good, right. And usually if I say something like that, you'll be like hey, hang in there, we'll talk about it when we get home, call me when you get a chance, or whatever like that.
Speaker 1:Oh, you need me to come over, oh yeah, you need me to come over and handle that, Something like that. But we are communicating and that's what young couples need to understand. It's not trying to keep everything to yourself, but communicate even with it. Now you have to text. You can text and say my day is not going good when the person comes home. It's not a ventful thing and you got your bad day. Because if I text you and say, it's just an example, if I text you and say my day is not going good, you can text back and say man, mine either. So now I know that both of our days are not going good. I can prepare myself when I get home or when I talk to you about that, and that's how it should be, that's how I think it should be. But, like I said, the winter blues are real issue for me when she was younger. Wow, man, I wish you could call in and tell us about that. Man. I mean, yeah, because winter blues, it happens.
Speaker 2:I think we don't really realize we we actually do go through that because we don't get the snow. It don that because we don't get the snow and you don't get 20 below here right right, even with just a even on a rainy day, when it's an overcast, personalities change yep, yep, yep, yep it is just because of the weather, because, you know, on a sunny day, on a nice sunny, you'd be like, yeah, like the other day, and we were like, oh, oh, it's nice out today.
Speaker 2:It brought a whole different persona of how we were feeling yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. It's really what happens here. We just don't realize it because we don't get it as bad as other states in the United States, because we're not up north.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1:They say in certain cities, especially when it gets hot. They say well, boy, the murder rate is getting ready to go up.
Speaker 2:But it gets hot. They say well, boy, the murder rate is getting ready to go up. But when?
Speaker 3:it's cold because the people are in. They don't they.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like it's so funny that you say this. I actually saw a video in my tiktok today and this lady she had on her coat, she had a hat on and she was bundled up and she said don't call me, ask me to go nowhere. And going nowhere, it's cold. You want to come and hang? Nope, it's cold. You want to come over? Nope, I don't want to come over to your. Nowhere and going nowhere, it's cold.
Speaker 3:You want to come and hang?
Speaker 2:nope, it's cold. You want to come over? Nope, I don't want to come over to your house and watch tv. My mama house and watch tv. I'm going home, it is cold, it's cold she had already shut herself down for the winter wow no interaction with nobody. She was going home. She's gonna bundle up with her puppy and her cat, and that was it. The winter is almost six months up there. Yeah, yeah, so people do change and it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So by doing it together, by tackling emotional challenges together, you strengthen your connection.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:Right, so we're learning again talking to one another throughout the day, asking how your spouse is doing, asking how your kids are doing, because sometimes when you have your children but you so focus on your spouse or you focus on yourself that you forget that children may have. Like malika says, it was an issue when she was younger right.
Speaker 1:You know what I think she did live in new york where it was freezing cold, boston I think yeah you're too so, yeah, but as we got to think about that I mean because I can honestly look back and think about when we were in Virginia I really didn't check in with our kids to say, hey, how your day with the blues, you know what I mean, hey, whatever, but really just sit down and say how are you doing? Because mental health is health.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so we just want to make sure that we check with each other mentally all right all right, we're getting ready to almost here, all right.
Speaker 1:So so number 10 set a realistic budget. All right, set a realistic budget, all right, I really don't have to worry about that with you, which is good. But we have to set it realistically, because financial strain during the holidays is a common stressor. It really is. And then if you keep using the credit cards and using the credit cards and then the bill is due in January, that's going to cause stress, right? So financial stressor is a during the holidays is a common stressor. So we got to plan a budget that accounts for gifts, events and expenses, and you got to stick to it.
Speaker 2:And you got to still pay your bills. Yeah, that's why expenses yeah that's expenses.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you're planning around gifts. What Red once said is start planning in January or for December. So you start saying, look, we only going to spend $1,200. That's how much we spending on Christmas and that covers everybody. Right? So what we do, we get a special savings account and we just start putting $100 a month. So by the time December gets, december 15th, you got $1,200, right? If you say, oh, you know what $2,400, we set that goal and we're going to be talking about goals in our next thing, setting goals for the following year, right. So if you set your goal for in 2025 for Christmas, because you're looking ahead, right, you're looking, you're setting your vacation time, you're setting your all this kind of stuff for next year and you're saying, for Christmas, we only spending $2,400, that means how do we get there? All right, we got to save $200 a month. That's the easiest way to do it, right? Don't try to come up and don't say, and then try to double up in half, no, it's just 200 and then that's a good way to do so. Set a realistic budget and stick with it. All right. Hey Melissa, hey cuz, how you doing All the way from Atlanta.
Speaker 1:She says mental health is the most important. Yeah, it's very important. It's very important. Yeah, all right, number 11. Number 11., number 11. This is the last one, number 11. You create your own traditions. I know you're getting started with that, but you create your own traditions because you may have had traditions with your mom, with your family, my grandma, yeah, but now that you are married, you need to have your own traditions.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:What do you do as a family? What do you do as a spouse? You may say, okay, the month of December, that's. Our tradition is that one week, one weekend, we get away, just the parents, just the husband and wife, and then whatever tradition, maybe a christmas morning we sing carols or whatever like that. I like what we have started as far as with gifts, because all our kids are older now right hey, one gift and we have the secrets, secret santa, and we usually don't find out until after.
Speaker 1:So who bought it, or whatever? But yeah, I like that One. It don't get so expensive. Our kids are grown and so that's, that'd be our tradition next year. Or we can do it this year, if somebody wanted to do it, or again, like next year, you say, hey, we're going to sponsor a family, so let's get our monies together. Everybody put $10 away and we're going to sponsor a family.
Speaker 1:I think that would be a great idea so Richard's family, I know y'all listen we already said not go for next year Christmas. That's going to be our tradition and long before I'm, me and your mom, gone, y'all still gonna hold up on to it. Well, you we're gonna, not what the church doing, but from the richards family, right, right, and it'd be good if we could get together to do it. But if we all can't get together, we have facetime, we have all that kind of stuff and we present it to the family and one of us will find a family and we'll go for it that way.
Speaker 2:Just remember we are blessed to be a blessing.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:Blessed to be a blessing, and one of the other things that I really like that we have started. I can't remember what year we started it, but instead of having Christmas dinner, we have Christmas breakfast yes. And we go to the movies. Yes, we go to the movies on Christmas Day, that's our tradition.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we go to the movies on Christmas Day.
Speaker 2:We started that when Juice was a baby. He went to the front. When you see something, something on Wall Street you're a little baby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't forget what it was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that the kids will continue to do that. I mean even that when she's in Chicago for Christmas she goes to the movies. But now they tour down where she usually goes, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think it's important to include the whole family when you decide on what tradition you want to do in your family, because our hope is that our children will pass it on to their children and then they'll pass it on to their children when we're gone to glory yes, amen, amen amen.
Speaker 2:So traditions are important. It kind of give you that value, that that I don't know, I can't find a word for it, but that connection, that bond with family.
Speaker 1:So I know we've got people out there. Come on, put it in the chat. What is your family? If you have family traditions for during Christmas, put it in the chat. What are your family traditions? And if you're going to start a family tradition, you're thinking about it. So put it there. We've got Melissa says, now that the kids are adults, we travel for Christmas just being hubby, all right.
Speaker 2:Nice and Sparkle said, christmas breakfast is at her house every year. We coming over.
Speaker 1:All right, now we ain't going to come, we ain't going to be here.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we traveling.
Speaker 2:That's a good idea, because we're starting to do that too, since the kids are spread out. Our it's my baby boy's clothes, but since the kids are spread out, we're starting to just kind of like travel more too. It's fun just the two of us.
Speaker 1:All right, first of all, y'all gorgeous tonight. All right, hey, y'all, come on, y'all put down some family traditions and think about some family traditions. What about putting that in there from some family traditions that you had growing up?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, so many one I really hated the most, but everybody knew it is a tradition and you were gonna do it because mama wasn't having it no other way. Cleaning chitlins oh we would stand by each other just thinking we would have so much fun cleaning those things and talking. But everybody knew when we saw those buckets come in the house it was a wrap it was a wrap.
Speaker 1:We knew cleaning them.
Speaker 2:We sent it either Thanksgiving she didn't do them both holidays but she did them then Let me think of something else I would tell you mine.
Speaker 1:On Christmas morning, my dad would wake up at 5 o'clock. He would have this old stereo I wish we would still have it. He had the 8-track, everything and he would be in there playing Christmas music. And he would come around and I'm already excited about Christmas. No, he wouldn't let us oversleep. So I'm excited about Christmas. Going to bed oh, no, you got to go to bed and he would about 6 o'clock. He would start at 5 o'clock and if you wake up during the time you hear the music. But he would come at six o'clock and all of us would come and get in our pajamas. We'd be in our pajamas to be us for and we would sing, he would pray, he would make sure he's, he prays, and then we open up the gifts. All right, what you got.
Speaker 2:Rodney Lee, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2:Rodney, give you a shout out my wife and I enjoy the show. Where's the church located? We are located in the lovely city of sunrise yeah um off the university in oakland park, right in the plaza across from hit. What's the restaurant that I'm always eating at?
Speaker 1:hooters, I'm gonna put in the address.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna put in the address in for you, minister lee, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, my goodness, I didn't mean to trigger you because melissa remembered that I know right, and she wasn't having it. But we would stand there and the smell was of course the smell. But that was something that we looked for. We knew we had to do it, so it wasn't like, and each person get their own two buckets because it was a lot of us in the family and everybody ate them except for Missy. But one year I said just try it. Just try it with some hot sauce, just try it. She tried it. And now who house we go to for chitlins?
Speaker 1:Missy huh.
Speaker 2:The last one to eat. She wouldn't eat them. My first says in our house you can open two gifts in the morning, then two in the afternoon, and later you can open the rest.
Speaker 3:Wow, our kids would have lost it, we wouldn't have been able to do that.
Speaker 2:But that's not. That's a good tradition, because that's something that they could carry on with their children, not at a JV for the BO.
Speaker 1:Mommy Wow JV for the BO Mommy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so a a lot of different. It's a lot of different things we did. We would do apple cider at midnight on new year's eve and we would drink apple cider with the key.
Speaker 1:We let them drink them out of champagne flukes and thought they was getting told but, we would do that um I think we need to really get back to some things like that. I know we're talking about new year's eve, but we have no matter where your family is. You have something called facetime, google meet, you have all these things that you can say at 12 o'clock we're gonna, we're gonna facetime all the family members and we're going to say Happy New Year, happy New Year, yeah, and pray and just thank God that the whole family is here.
Speaker 2:another new year. Yeah, that's right, but don't give nobody no Taylor Port, because they don't make it to the ball drop.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. So Jordan says at some point that he would like to start smoking A Christmas brisket or ham.
Speaker 2:Okay, alright.
Speaker 1:Okay, alright, we ain't mad at you. No, we ain't mad at you at all. Jordan, please make sure you like and share. There's 13 of you all. Please make sure we got 10 votes and we thank God for each and every one of you that join us tonight. We just came up with some tips To grow closer during Christmas, because again it gets hustled and it gets bustled and things just start happening and we want you to grow closer, we don't want you to grow apart.
Speaker 1:I think that would be a good study for me, even in my master's, to find out how many divorces come out of Christmas.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Right, we already know from politics. When we did the politics, we came up with stats of how many divorces they're having because of political differences. But I want to know how many divorces come out because Christmas is so crazy. You didn't get me the gift that I wanted and we over here, we over there, you with your family and you not with my family, and it all starts right there. I mean that's probably a, I don't know. I hope it's not a large number. I hope it's not a large number.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it shouldn't be a number to get we should be coming. I'm telling you we should be coming. I'm telling you we should be coming together for christmas and not being apart. All right, first, as parents, please take advantage of the opportunity to start your traditions they will cherish them later.
Speaker 2:That's right, they will. They will because they come back to you as adults and say hey, remember when we used to do this remember this, yeah you remember that time this happened and it's true, and just to hear them where sometimes you got to force them. Right, right you got to force them to do it, but then to hear them come back as adults and say I surely missed this that we used to do.
Speaker 3:I'm going to do this with my kids.
Speaker 2:I've done this with my kids because you and dad did it with me. But it is important to set traditions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, set traditions. Yeah, it is very important.
Speaker 2:It is very important it really paves the way and it also shows them the type of parent that you are. So you're setting an example so they can become the type of parent that they want to be for their child. Right and it just keeps going on and on.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right. So yeah, let's keep the traditions and let's keep it going. Yeah, we need to keep that going.
Speaker 1:So all right, hey, what a, what a good thing tonight, hey I truly enjoyed it and we just want to thank each and every one of you for joining us. Please make sure you share the vote, share this podcast for those who will be listening on all of the apple podcasts and everything, like I. You. We're everywhere, all the continents except one. So we've been getting that. We're close to 1,000 downloads. We're close to 1,000 downloads. Please, y'all, help us get to 1,000 downloads. We would greatly appreciate it. So we're on Apple Podcasts, spotify, amazon Music, youtube Podcasts. So please, just do that.
Speaker 1:So we had a good session. Again, I want to thank each and every one of you for joining with us tonight. Again, you could have been doing something else, but you decided to join us here and we really appreciate you joining us for our podcast. So we want to say goodnight, goodnight. We love you all. Hey Sparkle, hey Sparkle, hey. Remember next podcast. We're setting goals for 2025. 2025. Marriage people. We need to set goals for 2025. So that's what we're going to be doing in our next podcast. So we'll see y'all in two weeks.
Speaker 2:God bless, god bless you.
Speaker 3:Thank you. If you're hearing this message, you've listened to the entire podcast and for that we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope you enjoyed this new episode and, if you did, please rate and review our show on your favorite podcast channel. Please share this episode with others who may be interested in this topic. Also, feel free to let us know what topics you'd like to see covered in future episodes. Get in touch in the comments or on any social media networks. At Marriage in Real Life Podcast, see you in two weeks for a new episode. Thank you.
