Marriage in Real Life
Marriage in Real Life
5 Places to Get BAD Marriage Advice
Navigating the sphere of marital advice can be treacherous. How do you differentiate between sound advice and chatter in the sea of voices? Drawing from personal experiences, we delve into the need for discernment and caution when choosing confidants. We discuss the potential negative influences that can rock your relationship boat, the lurking dangers of gossip, and the significance of seeking guidance from those who have weathered similar storms.
Marriage is not a 50/50 venture - a shocking revelation or a familiar truth? We argue for the latter as we explore the fluctuating dynamics of marital responsibilities. We share a unique approach of daily check-ins to gauge your partner's emotional state and adjust support accordingly. To round it off, we spark thought-provoking discussions on the power of forgiveness, the potential growth after infidelity, and the role of trusted counsel in a marriage's journey. So, are you ready to dive deep into the tumultuous yet rewarding ocean of marriage in real life? Tune in!
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Hello and welcome to season two of Marriage in Real Life with your host, eric and Patsy Richards. Marriage in Real Life is a podcast about two imperfect people with an imperfect marriage. This podcast aims to help listeners to know that God, who is perfect, can use your imperfections and your imperfect marriage to help others. So let's laugh and learn. I hope you enjoy the episode. Let's get straight into it.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Marriage in Real Life. Welcome, welcome. Hey y'all, hey hey. Alright, I'm so excited, I'm so glad to be here tonight. Are you glad, baby?
Speaker 4:I am I'm always happy to be back. Marriage in real life.
Speaker 2:I'm glad yeah.
Speaker 4:I turned it down.
Speaker 2:You just got to turn it off, not just down, alright.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean how, how, Marie?
Speaker 2:you know, you turn the volume down. You don't turn the, you don't turn the whole thing down, you just turn the volume down, alright, so, hey, alright, well, we're glad to be back. You know, as we uh never on this marriage in real life, right, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, so we were glad. So, as we always start out, you know what's been happening the last two weeks. Um, we see, rob, alright, hey, rob, hey, how you doing? Alright, lindsay, alright, hey, hey, lindsay, how you doing. Make sure I got that name right, didn't you? Yeah, make sure.
Speaker 2:You know, Lindsay oh so hey, I'll be 57 next month. Yes 57. I gotta get a clap for that, alright. So last two weeks, man, what's been happening? We, we did Thanksgiving.
Speaker 4:We did Thanksgiving. We had all the kids.
Speaker 2:We had all the kids there. You know grand grand kids was there. Yeah, it was great, it was great. I mean, when was the last time that ever happened? We was only missing one, that was, she had to work before and after. But uh man, when was that? I think that never happened did it.
Speaker 4:I think this is the first time we've had everybody in one place at the same time. Right, right, right, right Right.
Speaker 2:Right, that was fun.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It was real, real fun, man, I'm telling you, it was real, real fun and so just to have, I mean you enjoyed and cooked.
Speaker 4:Yes, we did, yeah, I did.
Speaker 2:I did a little hand in there. You know, I did a little hand with the pies and the ham a little bit.
Speaker 4:You did, man, I'm so proud of you. You did. You helped by with the sides and they were great.
Speaker 2:They were great and they still great too. All right, yeah, jordan's food was good and everything. So yeah it was. It was good. A daughter came down from Tallahassee, chicago. You know that was a Pest of Wales color. Pest of Wales, color Chicago. Yeah. Yeah, now you call the other one, tallahassee. You say you say Chicago and Tallahassee came down. I said yeah, they came down. I said okay, yeah, yeah. So that that was good. We went to a comedy show.
Speaker 4:Yeah, oh man, oh man. Comedy shows. A lot of here performing. All right, yeah, yeah, we had a good time. That was great.
Speaker 2:That was great. We haven't had a good date night in a long time and that was a that was good. So hey, to all the couples out there, you want to make sure that you have a date night.
Speaker 4:Have a date night.
Speaker 2:Gotta have a date night, all right and so, but we've been watching movies together and things like that, but we really haven't been going out like that and that was good. That was good. Nice outing. I mean, we laugh so hard till I I told the dude you got to stop. Can you killing me, man? It was so so, it was so, so much fun. It was so much fun. Unfortunately, the next day we had to go to a funeral.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And all this daughter's granddad, 90 years old, passed away and unfortunately we had that. But the thing about that, but a lot of people and I didn't realize it, but they had been married 70 years, wow, can. I say that again 70 years, 70.
Speaker 4:That is a long time. That's a very long time. That is a long time.
Speaker 2:So you know this wisdom in that marriage. You know they had the ups and the downs and 30 years it would have been a hundred years. Just think about that. Oh wow, you know 30 years. It would have been a hundred years that they would have been married. You know what I mean. I mean, I know they had been a hundred or something, but just think about that. They were almost. They was almost at no, it was past a quarter of a century, three quarters of a century man. It was almost there, almost there, almost there. 70 years, can you?
Speaker 4:imagine just the way of your life, day in and day out, with somebody for 70 years. Wow, I'm pretty sure it was a lot of stories and, like you say, a lot of wisdom.
Speaker 2:A lot of wisdom, so that brings A lot of forgiveness oh man A lot of saying okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 4:I'm going to let this slide or agree to disagree on things.
Speaker 2:Right, right right.
Speaker 4:You know and still have that love. So, yeah, that's something to strive for. Yeah, that is.
Speaker 2:I give a shout out to the Rollins. Yeah, 70 years. Got to give a shout out to them. So that brings us to almost this topic. You know, because of 70 years, you know they had wisdom, you know in that and so they could. They could advise a lot of couples of the ins and the outs. You know you would sit down there and they and they start telling you stories. You just sit down and like wow, wow, you know, just get the wisdom from that, you know. And so again, that brings us to our topic. You know five places to get bad marriage advice.
Speaker 4:But before we go into it, I want to tell you something that just really stood out to me at that funeral was the fact that he literally creased his own funeral. It was if we would have let everybody sit up and talk, we'd still be there. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Because this guy was like I won't say perfect and sinless, but you know, when you're a good person, people have so many good things they want to say about you. Like, literally, we had to stop. Well, Eric Pastor had to stop people from coming up because it was just going to go on and on and on, and it's based upon the life that he lived a servant of God, a servant of the people a servant of his community.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm telling you upheld his wife to the highest standard.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was really, you know, impressed I'm telling you, babe, he, this man was faithful, anybody, I mean, this man was faithful to every person that God ever said.
Speaker 2:They said it's a faithful to his church, first of all, faithful to God. Faithful to his church, he was faithful to his wife. I'm telling you and I ain't talking about faithful that no, cheaper Now, I'm talking about faithful. If Rosalie said, do this or do whatever, he'll just make it happen for her man, I'm telling you, like you said, he preached his own eulogy, mr Badd, they really didn't have to say too much, he ain't ever saying nothing Nah man, I'm telling you.
Speaker 4:I was really impressed by that, and that's something that I strive for, because I want to do good for people. I want to be a servant of the people. I don't want to be taking advantage of Right right, right right. But I do, you know, want to be able to. I mean, I was going to say be able to hear, but you're going to hear nothing. I would you know like to leave a legacy like that? A servant of God, first of all.
Speaker 2:All right. So let's get ready to get in a topic. Hey, if you're watching with us, come on, sign out. You know, tell us where you're watching from, put down your name, you know what you're watching, and let us know that you're with us. All right. So, again, we want to make sure that you, even after this, you can stream on all Spotify. You know we on YouTube live, you know YouTube podcast, you know so we everywhere. So we want to make sure and this is what we want to do, forgot to say we want to make sure you share and like right.
Speaker 2:We want to make sure you share and like, share and like this, this, this, this live stream. So please, please, please, do that. All right, so we ready five places to get bad marriage advice. You know, we look at little topics, we look at little blogs and we go through that and we talk about those things. We have a conversation, you know, about those things. So five places to get very bad marriage advice. One thing I would say that before we get into the really one two, three, four, five is that I don't believe nobody wants to get advice from somebody who hasn't been through something. Right.
Speaker 2:That's just me. If you haven't been through it, you can try to help me. But you don't understand what really is going on. And you know, I got to admit I was bad at that. I was very, very bad at that.
Speaker 2:I was at the point at one time believing that you know, hey, you were Christian, you should be able to get over this. I got over. You know, like, I tell you, I tell people all the time. You know, I used to curse a lot. I just stopped cursing and so I believe that everybody should be just like that. You know you hear preachers, you know, talk about you got the Holy Ghost, the Holy Ghost make you stop, and all this kind of stuff. And you got to understand everybody is different, everybody is different. And so when you go to somebody not that you're going to ask them what you, what they've been through, but you can tell what they've been through Right, it's like this you have a doctor, you want to have surgery. You don't want to go to a primary care doctor, you want to go to the specialist, right, right.
Speaker 2:That's what you want to go to and then when you go to the specialist, you look at the walls and say how long you been doing this.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:Hey look, I don't want nobody operating on me and I'm the first patient. No.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to be. No, no, no, no. I don't want that. That's why a lot of times in the military you go to the military doctors for surgeons and you say, no, that's all right, I get somebody else to do it. Because a lot of the people they come in they do their little time in the military and they do all the surgery practicing. That's right. I don't want, I don't need nobody practicing on me when I'm looking for advice. I don't need that right now. I need somebody who's been through the thick and the thin and can say, look, look, this is how I got through it and I'm telling you it's not going to be easy, but you can make it. If I can make it, you can make it as a perfect example.
Speaker 2:That's why sometimes, even as pastors, we're talking about marriage. You go to a pastor who's single. They can tell you from the scripture, they can tell you from, maybe, their parents, if their parents are still married, but can they tell you about marriage?
Speaker 4:From experience. From experience no, they can't.
Speaker 2:They really can't, and so you might say well, they can tell you spiritually. I'm going to read this scripture here. I'm going to read this scripture out, and I was looking for this, and it's Hebrews 4 and 15. It's Hebrews 4 and 15. And this is from the Christian Standard Bower, 4 and 15. Let me find it, make sure, make sure I got it All right.
Speaker 2:It says for we do not have a high priest, all right, all right, let me start at 14. It says, therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. Right? So it's saying that Jesus is the high priest. He's passed through all of the heavens. He came down from heaven, he was born here and he went back. He didn't pass through all of the heavens. And he says let us hold fast to our confession. He says this.
Speaker 2:He says, for we do not have a high priest who is Jesus he just declared who it was who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. So it's telling us that Jesus, we don't have one that can subset it. We don't have one who he hasn't been through no temptation. He's able to sympathize, it says, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin, right. So that means Jesus. Now he could have come down and just went to this cross and redeemed us. He could have done that. He came as a man and redeemed us and went back. We look at Michelle's attack. We don't know where he came from. There's a lot of people we don't know where he came from. But he didn't do that. He came down as a baby and, as I was saying even on Sunday, is that Jesus went to the bathroom, just like us. He had to take a shower.
Speaker 2:He had to do all these things and sometimes people look at Jesus as this. I mean he was perfect. But as this perfect person, let me explain Some of the guys. He didn't have to go to the bathroom, he was all holy. He didn't have the same issues, we did whatever. So he had to come then and to let us know that, look, I've been through it and if I can handle it, you can handle it too. Amen, right, that's my, that's my that's my sermon for the night. All right, that's my sermon.
Speaker 2:All right, so I the reason why I said that, the reason why I wanted to point that out, was because, again, if a person has been through it, you'll listen to them. Right.
Speaker 2:So that's, that's the same thing with Jesus. So five places to get bad marriage advice, all right. So when things need fixing, especially in a marriage, we turn a lot to a places for advice. But when we go to the wrong source it can cost us dearly, right, you know, if we don't get the right specialist, if we have a plumbing problem and we say we're going to, oh, we're going to get a handyman, but we really need a plumber, we'll find out that that handyman came and messed it all up, made it worse. Yeah, we've experienced that.
Speaker 2:We've experienced that it made it all worse, right. And now you got to go and hire somebody to fix his problem. Yeah, right. So when you could have hired the person beforehand. So, all right. So we ready, you ready, I'm ready, you ready, let's do it All right. The first number one, number one and you all listen to this number one person that took place to go for bad marriage advice is friends of the opposite sex. Yes. Friends of the opposite sex. Why are you smiling? Why are you laughing?
Speaker 4:Because I know it. I know it, this is leading to.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, a lot of people don't think that that's a bad thing.
Speaker 4:What if it's a person that has like her best friend, is a guy and is they've been friends since they were in sixth grade. She can't go to her best friend and talking about marriage.
Speaker 2:now, we ain't talking about just hanging out. We talking about marriage.
Speaker 4:So if she's married and she can't call up her best friend and say you know, I'm going through with the, with the mister, you know that's a no.
Speaker 2:First I'm going to. I'm going to go and get this. I'm going to take this Look you're going to take it. I'm going to put it like this you know what and even even this is it can get to be a problem If your friend is not rooted and grounded in God. That's already going to be a problem anyway.
Speaker 4:How you say that.
Speaker 2:Because you know a lot of a lot of prayer meetings, a lot of prayer partners start happening at two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like that.
Speaker 2:So we have to be careful, All right. But just like this article says, this scenario offers too much temptation. It offers too much temptation and you know it is. When you go to your friend of the opposite sex right, For any of the opposite sex you start saying you know, I'm having this problem with my husband, I'm having this problem with my wife, I'm having this problem and sooner or later you start getting an emotional bond with that person. You don't want that to happen, and even friends that's been for 16, 20, 30, 40 years, sometimes the enemy will come in and just wait for that particular situation. Right, so you and especially man, it can get crazy.
Speaker 4:Well, what is the? What is the? I was wondering about that.
Speaker 2:So the person says one friend begins to confide in another and as they talk through the marriage problems, he or she offers support and consolation. Something more happens, without even intending it for it to happen, they form an emotional bond that is inappropriate. It don't intend to happen, but that's just how it happens. And now what people say? You're emotional cheating on me.
Speaker 4:Emotional affair.
Speaker 2:Emotional affair. That's what you have.
Speaker 4:Well, so what you're saying? That if, if my homeboy.
Speaker 2:And also that emotional affair can easily lead to a physical affair.
Speaker 4:I can, I can agree with that, Okay, but but so you're saying like my homeboy is definitely not someone that I want to confide in unless he is rooted, introvert and committed to his relationship with the Lord.
Speaker 2:And if he is right, he's going to say this is what it is. If somebody from the opposite sex come to me about you know, I got this marriage problems. You know what I'm going to say. Well, we need to talk, you know. Okay, me and Patsy will talk to you. You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I'm not talking to no female by myself about some marriage. Now, I mean marriage problems. You know what I mean when I say that. I mean there's certain people, like sons and daughters of the gospel, that I know I can talk to, and you know, but we know what's the max on the topic. You know what I mean, cause what happens is a lot of times you start, you start getting so comfortable and you're not talking about little like, oh he don't do this for me. You start getting into the sexual part and all this kind of stuff and now here comes the, here comes the enemy, and start working it out. I ain't got time to be talking about that, you know. All right, so that's and, as I say, it can easily to affair and suddenly a marriage. That has some problems. That's even more if you must talk to a friend, make it a friend of the same gender, or talk to that friend and that friend has a wife. We sit down talking together.
Speaker 4:Okay, okay, you got that yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, we agree on that, I agree on that. And now, if y'all disagree on not there, just come on, put it in the chat and we'll talk about it. No, we'll talk about it, we'll put it out there. All right, here's the next one. Here's the next one. This is a good one too. This is a good one. Number two those sour on marriages. They sour on marriage. You know, they got divorced and they say this man ain't no good, this woman ain't no good. They just sour on marriage, they sour on relationships.
Speaker 4:Yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:You go to them advice about your marriage, they give you say, well, what I would do, that's what they, you know, it's what's going on, what I would do. And they say with an attitude, you know that's a problem Because if they are sour on it and you going confide on them, they're not gonna give you no positive things for your husband or wife. They gonna talk negative because they can't stand a marriage and they gonna talk against your marriage.
Speaker 4:Misery loves confidence.
Speaker 4:Oh man, misery so if my fail, let me do with it.
Speaker 4:Let me help you out so you can get rid of this guy who ain't doing what you need him to do. So I'm gonna I'm bitter now and a lot of times you know women they'll say no man is no good, trust no man, because they have been damaged so much by different relationships. So when you go to them, you know you go to your girlfriend you be like you know I'm going through this. You know, with the man that I love, and she'll be like well, and you're right, although she thinks she's happy, she's actually planting seeds Right Into you and you don't realize it because you're broken at the time. So you're receiving everything that she's depositing. And so when you go back home, the first thing happened is we think that you're gonna argue, you're gonna find the smallest things that just tick you off to make you feel like you know this girl got a point. I'm gonna get rid of him. But be careful with that, ladies, because just as soon as you put him to the side, she'll be right there to pick him up. Oh, oh.
Speaker 2:Boy, looky here, looky here. I gotta sign on a little more now. Hey, hey, hey. You know what you? Know, what.
Speaker 4:You know I gotta take your toes away. You gotta take my toes away. No, you take my toes away.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no. The article says look when they come and they say, look, especially divorce or marriage, friend, and they would say, believe me, I know you gotta do what's best for you. You know not best, what's best for the marriage Not best, but how you need to do what's best for you. You know well how do you know what's best for me. Only God knows what's best for me, Only God knows, through me, what's best for me, right. And so if you go to a person and they all about leaving and, like you said, they'll be right there to pick you up Because if you don't win, they confide it in that same sex person right, they're same gender person, and you know you don't tell them the good.
Speaker 4:Oh, they know the good, because if they're your girlfriend, you don't tell them all the good. They know it all and they're not having the same thing in their relationship and once their relationship fail now it's their job to help you feel yours. You don't realize it and they don't even realize that that's what they're helping you do, but that's how sneaky the enemy is. You creeps in and your vulnerability and you thinking that you're supporting and helping when really you're depositing doubt.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 4:You know you depositing doubt. So now, when that person go back to their husband now every little thing is a problem and when that is over, you know, yes, they're going to go right there. So they could pick that, pick it up, because they know the type of man he can be, yeah. And they know what not to do to keep him to be the man that they want him to be. Now they got your man.
Speaker 2:No, wow, all right, that's number two. All right, again, that's number one is number two. All right, I friends of the opposite sex. You know you can. You. You can type of men if you want to. You can type of me if you want to oh OK. If you want to, not really Not really OK, all right. Friends of the opposite sex. So look, we have somebody who's who's on the online. Y'all type of men for us, all right.
Speaker 4:Well, you said if I wanted to. But do you want me to, because I can do it.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what I can have now, you got to do it. We can, we can have. We can have somebody do it for us who we have on the line. They get type it in for us, all right, you know. So number one is friends of the opposite sex and number two, those sour. On marriage, all right. Number three All right, this is a good one too. People who don't share your values. It kind of goes into the friend. You know. The other one, those sour People who don't share your marriage.
Speaker 2:So if you view marriage as a covenant relationship and not a contract, right, right, right, there's a difference between a covenant and a contract, and that's we're trying to get special couples, young couples, to understand. Even you know who are going through things. There's a difference between a covenant and a contract. A contract can be amended. Right.
Speaker 2:A contract can be torn up. A contract can be. Can can go to the court of law Right, that's what? And say who's right and who's wrong. You can sue a person for a contract yeah, right, you can do all that stuff.
Speaker 2:But when you have a covenant that God has with us the Old Testament, the New Testament's Old Covenant, new Covenant when God says, look, I never leave you, I never forsake you, that is a covenant. Right, that is a covenant. That is a truth, that is a promise that he says I'm a man that won't lie Right, so he's a covenant. He said I'm going to love you through it all, no matter what you do, I'm going to love you. Right, for God so loved the world that he gave that. He, I'm going to give you my son. I'm going to. I love you that much. It is also a covenant. He chest ties who he love.
Speaker 2:So sometimes we go in a discipline from God, but he loves us. That is his covenant with us, right? So marriage has to be treated as a covenant. Now, when a person breaks a covenant, god is going to, not going to break his side, but we have a tendency to break the covenant with God when we sin. When we do our stuff, we go back and ask for forgiveness. But when a person breaks a covenant within a marriage for instance, they cheat, god says OK, you broke the covenant, you have the right to leave Somebody abuse you. They keep abuse physically, mentally, whatever If they're not. As the Bible says, a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ has never abused us.
Speaker 4:Nope.
Speaker 2:He's never beaten on us. He's never emotionally did that. So if a husband don't love his wife and beaten on her, that covenant now is broken and you have the right to leave Beaten on the kid, yeah. But if it's financial, there's something to deal with we can work through that.
Speaker 2:We can work through a lot of things, so that's why it's a covenant dealing with more than a contract. So they've got to have you. Don't go to a person again who divorced, who believes it is a contract Child, just leave him Right, yeah, right, or just leave her.
Speaker 4:Yeah, just leave her, leave her no.
Speaker 2:So if you view marriage as a covenant relationship between you, your spouse and your God, why would you consult with someone who doesn't share that fundamental belief? It would be like me going to a Jehovah Witness for marriage counselor. Why would I want to do that? Or me going to the Muslim, or me going to Hebrew Israelites, knowing how they treat their women Right, right. Why would I want to do that?
Speaker 4:No, I think that comes down to being equally yoked as well, Because if you serve the same God and you believe in the same values, it's easy to make it work and stick it through, as long as there's no physical, emotionally abuse going on and no one's literally stepping outside of the marriage. But I have known marriages where they have stepped outside of the marriage but they started over, recommitted, got back under the covenant of God and these marriages have gone on the last eight years and years, and some still together.
Speaker 4:So it takes two individuals and I think it's really important that they have the same values and they want the same things. I don't know what caused them to step out and do whatever they stepped out, but then they found that, under the covenant of God, that this is something that they could forgive and move forward, and you can't allow other people to deposit stuff into your marriage, especially if they don't serve and believe in the same God that you do.
Speaker 2:That is it, baby. That is it. They don't believe that God is the center of your marriage. That's the most important belief value that you've got to have. I totally agree, because the first thing they can say I do this and do that, not that God loved you through this, god loved you through that, god loved you. And they can say God did that, and if he did that for you, now you can do that within the marriage. Somebody that's really believe that God, what God put together. Let no man put a Sunday day, as God is part of this three string cord that anything can have. Anything can work. The worst of it, it still can work if you put God first.
Speaker 2:You got to put God. So this thing says this here. It says once the core values are removed from the marriage equation, all bets are off and you're left with nothing but what you feel to guide you, and that's dangerous ground. You feel yourself, you don't feel God in it and so we have to let. We have to people like if you're going to a marriage counselor, you're going to get marriage advice. Find people who are God loving people.
Speaker 4:I agree. You know, I think that's going to direct you back to the Lord.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people are going to direct and say look, we're going to pray about this.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 2:We're going to pray about this. You know, when we had a problem, we went to Bishop. We didn't go to an onion in everybody, we went to Bishop and Bishop got us with prayer and then he got us with realness, right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he did.
Speaker 2:Right, so that's how you have to have. You have somebody that's saying, ok, this is what the word says. This is what the word says Eric, this is what the word says. This is how you're supposed to treat your wife. Pastor, this is what the word says. This is how you're supposed to treat your husband. This is what the word says. Now, we're going to work through this thing and we're going to help this thing, and this is what's going to happen, but with God, everything is possible. All things, all things. I give you that. Wonderful.
Speaker 2:All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, I see you, rob. You thank you for that, rob, all right. So number three is people who don't share your values, rob. People who don't share your values. Even that's number three, all right. Number four, number four this is a big one. This is a big one, all right, this is a big one. The local gospel.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, says here. Your spouse, no matter how it odds you may feel, deserve your protection and respect. Sharing your marriage problems with someone who will broadcast them all over town is just a nag, another dagger thrown. You don't. You don't talk to a person that you know is a Gossiper. You know your business will be all over and what if? What if it doesn't work? What if your marriage doesn't work and that person's a Gossiper?
Speaker 4:Like I told y'all. I told y'all.
Speaker 2:And they telling everybody. And so now, when people see you, they know your business.
Speaker 2:Yeah you got to be. You got to be careful who you talk to. You got to be able to confide into people, into a marriage couple, marriage of marriage, counselor that's not going to tell your business. Now we know a A, a counselor who has a license or whatever. They better not tell your business. Matter of fact, your pastor, as you would go to them, they better not tell your business anyway. But how in the world would you go to a church that when you tell your pastor your business, they get up and preach about it?
Speaker 4:Why would you go to that? No, no with some people.
Speaker 2:No way, it's no way, me personally, if I go and tell you I confide you. First of all, that's illegal. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You can get sued. If I go to you, if I go to a pastor and I go to Counseling the confident and I go tell him now certain things. He is obligated to report child abuse, you know, abuse, things like that he is obligated to report. When I'm talking about my marriage and things like that. And then I get in here, you, that, you, you know that you preaching about it. I get up and walk out of the church and never go back until that pastor Apologizes to me. And then, even when he apologized or he or she apologized, I'm still not gonna be able to tell them nothing, no more, because I can't confide in you, because you. That means it's just like you, you gossiping, that's exactly what you're doing, you talking about. The Holy Spirit told you to do that. Blame it on the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 4:And you also just really have to be careful because just remember, if you're talking to them and and they talking to you about somebody else, trust and believe they talking about you to someone else. That spirit of discernment and you have to have that voice of God and he will direct you to who you could trust with your, with your personal business. And sometimes, when you're going through things, you need to vent. You need somebody to say, oh my goodness, if this man asks for mashed potatoes one more time.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna lose and you know sometimes you need someone that you can confide in and that you can talk to. So you know you just have to get in. It goes back to those values. Does this person share the same values? Maybe in church they just so holy. But you know that they said something about sister so-and-so, because it got back to you and you you, the Lord, was. You'll give your spirit of discernment so he'll be able to direct you who you should speak to. And let's not get it twisted it's not all the women that be doing in the church and me and be doing it just as well.
Speaker 2:We even get it twisted, that ain't twisted nothing, you know it's equal. It's an equal thing. Gossip is equal. It doesn't matter man or woman, gossip is equal, you know they was. A woman gossip, a man do to Well, we gossip, you know. So yeah.
Speaker 4:I just really have to be careful and, like I said, you have to pray about. You know, god, send me someone that I could talk to and, based upon the hip, allah, for therapists, put your business out there. You own her business, you own it. You know, if a preacher put it out there, you leave his church and you tell him why you leave it. So, and if anybody else asks you why, I gave him some personal information and it was shared and I didn't like it and I'm out.
Speaker 4:Right, you know you don't have to be ashamed to to leave and you could bend up 30 years, but you respect is respect you know, personal is personal and you just really, like I said, I can't really, you know, say this enough about seeking God and and ask him for a spirit of discernment so you'll know who you can talk to, who you can't. I have such a high spirit of discernment that when someone walked through the door, I immediately my spirit leaps if it's just not good, and now, and I'll tell pastor and I'd be like babes, you know, you just, that's just why do you feel that way? I'm like babe, trust and believe. I know what's up and it never fails.
Speaker 4:So you know he will guide, he will guide you right, right he will guide you to who you can speak to and where you can trust you can be transparent. We could sometimes speak to somebody. You got to open up, get it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and you don't want your business. You know, like I said, you don't want to. You know being, you know, and and that brings us back to I remember a baby boy, jordan Was, was, was telling me about this word shame. You know, I just meant to talk about and I never, never, ever in all my life, thought about it. But that's what the devil uses, shame, you know. And so that's why we have to be, we have to. We already shame about something. We already shame that our marriage is going to.
Speaker 2:You know, because people may have people been looking at our marriage and people say, oh, y'all look so cute together, this and this, and that it had been holding us up, you know, holding you up the marriage to the highest theme, and you're just get shame because you don't want people to know what's going on with your marriage, you know. And so what the enemy does? He put shame, and so now you can't confide in the right person, right, and you and your marriage is get worse and worse and worse and worse. But because you're shame, you just don't get it. And so what you should do, like you said, seek God.
Speaker 2:God, I need somebody. Lord, give me wisdom, I need wisdom. A bishop tell me that always I said that's the first thing you pray for in the morning. To Lord, not the first thing, but that's one of the things that you pray, lord, give me wisdom for. Today I need wisdom. Give me my daily bread. Give me wisdom, and so that's how you got to Lord. Give me wisdom. You know, seek the right counts, exceed righteous counsel and and if you see it, it's not gonna go to the local gossip.
Speaker 4:No no it'll be the last person. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, that's it right there, all right.
Speaker 2:So number four is the local gossip. Number four is the local gossip, all right. Number five Well, we had a discussion on this one doing. Number five is your parents, your parents, seek bad advice, is it? Don't? That's five places? You know that's one of the places you can get bad advice. They don't go there or go to your parents, and this is what the person says.
Speaker 2:This warning is more of a judgment call, alright, but Deserve consideration as a parent. This is the. This is the reason why and I can say this as a parent you, you have watched your child grow up from little infant, so now they are married. Right, you have looked out for that child. Anybody said anything about that child. It could be good or bad. You stood out for that child. You spoke up for that child. That's what you do, even though they can be wrong. You Address that person. You got home, you've been made me beat, they, but you embarrass me in front of dinner. That's your child. Now they're married, not even married, and now that person from the opposite, who they're married to, is doing something wrong to them. How you think you're gonna feel about that other person?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm a mama bear, so you know I'm ready to.
Speaker 2:Ready to growl right. So it's the same thing like with my daughters. I believe sometimes they didn't bring nobody cuz they know I'm gonna be overprotected for my daughters, I'm not gonna let in and everybody just does not go on my daughter. And if I ever find out, if I ever find out a Joke of did something to my daughters, you know you have to give me out of jail. You got me All right.
Speaker 2:No, ain't nobody gonna be, you know, doing abuse of my not that I know of Right, because they my daughters and my daughter could have been. They could have did something. I don't know what it is, cuz I know my daughters. They capable of doing something. My daughters ain't perfect, my son ain't perfect, ain't nobody perfect, right, and they could be doing something crazy. But hey, look, I'm gonna protect my daughter, right. So so that's one of the reasons why they say it's a judgment call with your parents. Now, we talked about this and it was the opposite with us, right? You would call my mom, yeah, yeah. And what would my mom say?
Speaker 4:Put that boy on the phone. Got some words for him, right, Put him on the phone. But then I will call my mom and what my mom say.
Speaker 2:What did you do to airy?
Speaker 4:And I was like I can't win for losing it. I'm your daughter. He is not your son right. Let me tell you something. He is crazy, but yeah, she, they, they did you know, we that's what I was saying.
Speaker 4:With the conversation I was like this is weird, because If I called your mom and I told your mom I needed some advice about you, she was like, okay, I'm gonna scrape him out. You know what they put it put him on the phone and she handled it and I threw out the entire marriage. There's never been a time when I called her and she didn't take my side. You know, I don't care, whatever it was, she always took my side and she always encouraged me. But she also said when she hung out with me, I need to speak to him before we hang up, you know. But if I called my mom, so boy vice, and said, mom, you know, erica's doing so, and so, as you're the, what did you do? Do it All right, that's it.
Speaker 2:I'll be like give a shout out to mom.
Speaker 4:What do you mean? What I did? I didn't do anything. You, I'm being a dutiful wife, I'm doing all I'm supposed to be doing as a wife and he getting on my nerves and making me angry and upsetting me. And but she took your space. But then I remember in the same conversation you said so if Jo and call you and he having a problem, you know him and Malika having a problem, I was like I have to go over there handle her. That's my baby, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know. No, you doing that, you're staying out of their marriage.
Speaker 4:The first we did and, as you said, you know I definitely would. I would first of all say I think you guys need some counseling, but I don't think that me and your dad should be the one to counsel, that's right.
Speaker 2:That's right Now. That's not, that's Wisdom and that's judgment, you know. That's why you know if something is going on. We're not doing the counseling.
Speaker 2:Absolutely because, again, like we say, you can start taking sides and you hearing people, you you're hearing what, I ain't hearing you because that's my son, or I ain't here, that's my daughter. So we as Counselors, we as marriage counselors, we and with our children, we have to guide them and says, look, you know what the best thing to do Is. You, we recommend this counselor and and look, we're not gonna ask to the counselor we have to stay out of, because absolutely I agree, I, I, you know what.
Speaker 2:I want every marriage to work, especially my children's marriage yeah, especially. And so I would go to Lens to make sure that my children marriages is working. I would do everything I can to do that, and so if that's staying out of it, I just gotta stay out of it. You know we work, look, we work that out. So they gotta work it out, you know. So yeah, that's it.
Speaker 4:You know, if he was to get physical then and she called me, I'm happy to go over there. Oh no, I was a John. I have I help like a beat him down?
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, how big join is? He didn't know.
Speaker 4:Be nice Good.
Speaker 2:Join. Let's go back up. Join, say. I gotta hear this and say you know is? It says my parents take up for what's right, but mostly side with Sam. Sam, I gotta get you. But.
Speaker 4:Oh no, maybe that's some type of parents rule or something cuz my mom definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Be nice to mama, like that's what she's saying. First lady ain't telling the truth. That what Joy says. She gonna come to my house and beat me up, all right, so I don't like this propaganda.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so you know, and that's true sometimes. You know, you think, you, you, you know, of course, if your parents been married for years, you'd be like, oh, they got some good advice, let me go over and talk to them. But of course, you know, we, we can't help but be biased toward the child that we birth.
Speaker 2:You know, um but I think it's a difference between between getting advice and being counselor. I I, I don't know I give, I wouldn't say that we wouldn't want our children to come to me and says and say you know, this is what's going wrong in our marriage. We want them be, we want to leave the door open for them to come and says you know, we having problems in the marriage. So I don't want our children who's listening and who's watching or whatever I don't want them to say well, I can't go to my parents now, I want to Right.
Speaker 2:I know what you mean I want them to be able to say you know what we're having problems and we can advise them, says, okay, this, I know, this is a good counselor, this is a good thing. Certain things yes, you know we haven't financial problems. Okay, let's talk about it. You know we could, we could talk about financial problem, you know, but I guess it's certain levels. You know certain levels. You know, when it comes down to abuse, our sexual immorality, you know things like that. Oh, I, you know, I don't think no, you need to go talk, you know whatever, but it's you know certain advice. Certain things yes, we should, as parents, should be able to sit down and guide them and do whatever.
Speaker 4:I believe that do you feel like it's easier to Do Counsel Couples? That's not related.
Speaker 2:What do you mean?
Speaker 4:like okay, it's easier to counsel. Like we have this, this couple that we're getting ready to start counseling, it's easier to counsel them. There will be to counsel our children, of course, yeah cuz you know, again they have that.
Speaker 2:It's personal. Yeah you know I mean it's. It's personal in the other way as well, but it's not close personal. I guess, if I'm saying it right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So um yeah, I mean, yeah, you know, as you know and and and sometimes is, sometimes it's hard to counsel siblings. And then you talk about our siblings. I'm talking about our kids. I'm talking about you know siblings, you siblings. Is one sibling recommend us to counsel the other sibling? We have to trust that one sibling who recommended us. They love that other sibling so much they got some counseling that they would do right and they want metal in that. You know what I'm saying and so that's the only reason why I would counsel siblings. Right, I got to know that other sibling. Right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I got to have trust in that sibling that they're not going to gossip, they're not going to meddle in, they're calling. They're courage. Hey, did you get Johnson, pastor Eric, so the lady pastor, yeah, so you keep on going, keep on going, keep on doing, because they did this, they helped us with this or that, but they didn't want metal in. You know what I mean. And so I trust that sibling. I really, really do. If I didn't, if I, if I wouldn't trust that sibling, I wouldn't counsel the other sibling. You know, right, right, see what you're saying?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, right. So I'm guessing you know our parents are there to guide us.
Speaker 2:That's what they do.
Speaker 4:They can guide us and, like it's made to say, hey, you're, for the most part, wait, they're going to go for what's right.
Speaker 4:Of course they're going to pick their son in law because they know us, they raised us, so they always think that we are on the opposite end. Given them, given the problem. So I think more or less a guidance and I think that's just everything throughout life. That's that's the whole part of being a parent. Is is giving guidance and setting routes and giving tools to help us grow, to become the productive adults Wife, husband, father, mother. You know they give us the tools that we need. So when they can no longer provide those tools in the wisdom to shift us to someone that can, that we, you know, can feel comfortable enough to, you know, work on those values and putting God back into the center of the marriage and working on it. You know you can't. You can't stand. This is when you can't stand up in front of the church and praise the Lord and throw your hands up and cry and all this, and then go home and be a woman of the devil.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord, that's an inside joke.
Speaker 4:You know you want to be a woman of God, not a woman of himself. When you can't you can't. You can't be one way in the sanctuary and then go home and be pure hell. God has to be in the center all the time, right? You know, when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I say you know, lord, use me to do something really good today. You know right, Right.
Speaker 4:Make you so proud. You know, and if you keep that mentality of how you want God to lead your day, then you'll be able to be productive and and make people smile, which is not what I feel up to doing.
Speaker 2:You're going to go there and make people so okay, so, so, so. So your parents is a judgment call, Right, If your parents are, or true, they're not really going to stick up for once about it. They want your parents want, they should want your marriage to succeed. And if your parents want your marriage to succeed, you should be able to go to them and they should be able to give you advice on certain things. And if it's beyond them, you know, if they think that, like you know, like I would feel, you know, you know what I? This is a sticky one here and I don't want to get into those sticky situations where I start leaning towards this person or leaning towards that person. I'm going to recommend some counseling. You pick one or two or three or whatever, and I'm I'm out of it because I want your marriage to succeed, I want your marriage to succeed and I don't want to pick favorites. I don't want to do that Right. Right, okay, all right.
Speaker 2:This is the last one. It's not on there, but this is the last one. I thought of this one and I said this is good you want to take. You do not want to take marriage advice from fake people.
Speaker 4:What do you mean?
Speaker 2:You want to take somebody a marriage advice from people that are going to be real about not sugarcoated, not sugarcoated hold you accountable, right, that's that's who you want.
Speaker 2:You want people that's going to hold you accountable. They're going to be real. You know they want to be transparent. They want to. Again, it goes back to the first one. Look, I've been through it. I may not tell you exactly. I'm going to give you a little bit, but I'm going to tell you exactly exactly all of it. But I'm going to tell you, and if God can help me to get through this, god with my vice, it's going to help you to get through it.
Speaker 2:You want to go take marriage from real people who are real about the things that they've been through and don't fake about it. Right, I can't stand fake people. They walk around, they don't get sick, they they, they got the Holy Ghost, they don't sin, they just I can't stand it. I really can't stand in a bina church all my life and I can't stand it. I really can't and I can't stand. You look at marriage and the marriage say, oh, it's going to be all right. Oh, tell me how it's going to be all right. And they don't want to tell you just a little. You don't have to tell me every stinking detail, just tell me something so I can know just like how Jesus was tempted Right. Look, they didn't have to put that. Jesus was tempted for 40 days.
Speaker 2:That didn't have to be in there. After 40 days he went in and then he was tempted. They didn't have to put that in there because not all the gospels have it Right, not all the gospels have it, but he wanted to show us that Jesus went through some things, from fasting and praying, he was hungry, he was dead. And so I want to be able to go to some marriage counselors who can sit down and says and talk to me and tell me about their story and I can say look, it's like we started off 70 years, the rallies, 70 years. I go to sit by and talk to them and they can say and I know they've been married 70. I know they went through hell and back.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah, yeah, but the perseverance that the God in them kept them pushing forward.
Speaker 4:Are you going to come across people that's going to, you know, give you bad information and come across people that's going to give you good information? But the best thing that you could do is take all of the information to the Lord so he can wean out what you don't need and what you can focus on and keep that marriage strong. Even in every relationship there's ups and downs and rollercoaster rides and craziness, and by friends said this one thing to me that I really thought I was like wow, life, you know life, right, you got to go through some ups and downs, but if you don't have no downs, you won't know that the good times and the uptimes are good times If you never don't have anything to strive from. You know, and just without walk with the Lord, it ain't going to be smooth sailing all the time. It's going to be. You know it's going to be some issues. You know it's going to be sometimes when you just overwhelm. It's going to be sometimes when you just you know you don't, you don't want to read your Bible.
Speaker 4:You want to pray as you walk out the door instead of going into your closet. It's going to be times when you don't want that intimacy. You know you don't feel that intimacy but once you strive and keep that relationship strong, it's going to draw you back. You just have to stay focused on you, know where you're trying to go and Christ and my goal. I'm trying to get to heaven.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's what I'm trying to get baby.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to get to heaven. I'm trying to do whatever I have to do to keep this marriage together.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love you, baby, I love you with all my heart because you do, you do, you do, all right, you do, you do. Hey, I'm telling you, you know, and that's what I'm saying is that, husbands and I'm speaking to some husbands who's online, who's watching and who's going to be listening? You know, we people look and sometimes they don't think that we have a hard job, but we do, because we're going to be held accountable on how we treat our wife, how we treat our kids, how we lead our family. We're going to be held accountable, and so that's why we got to have. We must have God on our side. We have to have God on our side and we have to have a wife that's going to stick with us, who understands the hardships of it and give us grace. Right, give us grace as we give our wife grace, because that's that's part of what Jesus did. So we're not giving our wife grace. We can't expect grace from our life, but if we're doing what we're supposed to do, as Christ loved the church, I believe, man, our wife, would do anything for us. I honestly believe that. All right.
Speaker 2:So, hey, I want you all to sign off, all right? All right, I want you all to sign off. Where do you get good marriage advice? I want you to sign off in the chat or you can call in. Where do you get good marriage advice? Tell us where do you get good marriage advice from, and you know how do you take it. Come on, you sign off in the chat or you can. You can sign off in the calls here. Let them get the call number here for you, set up here with the calls and have a new deal here.
Speaker 4:Okay, so Rob has a question.
Speaker 2:Rob has a question. Talk to us, talk to me, baby.
Speaker 4:Do you think people should take marriage advice from friends because of that bias?
Speaker 2:What's that again? What is that? Do you think people should take marriage advice from friends because of that bias? That's another judgment call. Just like with your parents, because your friends can be bias.
Speaker 2:Because they are friends, they are friends and if they are a friend and they look and they mean you've been friend and you've been going to this person and they could be at the same sex and the same gender. You be going to this person and you're saying this and again if they're not a Christian, that's the wrong thing to do, because they're going to.
Speaker 4:But if y'all been friends for years and years?
Speaker 2:and years and.
Speaker 4:I think I started out with it for years and years and years. You don't think that he could go to a friend and say you know, homie, you know having problems with the woman that I love.
Speaker 2:He could take advice from one. If they're not, if they're not soured, if they don't understand it goes back to all of the steps that we take If they don't have a sour, if they had never been married, how can they advise you Right? Again, if they're not soured, they're not a gossip or they're not all of these things, then, yes, you can go to them and they can advise you, say, man, just hang in there. Say, for instance, they've been married, right, they've been married, they've been married a long time. Of course you can go to them and and they can say, man, hang in there. You know, hey, bro, bro, it's gonna be all right, you know, just say, yes, dear. You know, you know, I'm just throwing that out.
Speaker 2:But you know they can, so you can go. Go to them, you know, and if they really want marriages to succeed, then yes, you should be able to go to their friend. I believe that.
Speaker 4:I was just thinking about this movie. I don't know, you know, if anyone else has seen it. I'm pretty sure a lot of you have. It's called Think Like A man and it has Kevin Hart in there and a few other African American actors and actresses, but in there the Kevin Hart is the only one that's married. He's married to Wendy Williams and he's having problems with her and he's like, you know, he keep going to them and because they're all single and they can tell a man, just leave the woman, you know you, she just giving you a hard time and you know it's just not working out for you and he and so he keeps going, so he keeps trying to go back to her, but he keep coming back to his friends and you know, like, in other words, I don't know what I'm, what I'm, what I'm doing here and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know this. And they keep telling him just leave the woman.
Speaker 4:At the end of the movie he ended up with her because there was a communication between the two of them and he didn't take the advice from his friends. Because had he taken the advice from his friends who were single? Mind you, they were all dating but they were single and he was the only one that was mad. I think it was another one, mary Gary Owens is in there as well and he was a married to married with children and he was the only one that was encouraging him to stick it out. So it kind of goes hand in hand. When you single and you've never been in the relationship in the Covenant of marriage, you really can't give really good sounding advice Other than you know.
Speaker 4:Bro, I'm praying for this call may be recorded or transcribed.
Speaker 2:All right, we got a. We got a call. We got a call. I will hear what is it said first. I'm gonna put it up there as well. Is it is it said family and friends, our friends are team marriage. Oh, okay, this is this is what she's asked. The question who do you take family advice from? She says family friends, our friends, are all team marriage. No matter who they are connected to, they always bring us back to our foundation and marriage. Both sides Love the other person just as much. All right, awesome, awesome job Awesome.
Speaker 4:The way it should be. That's the way it should be.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 4:Around yourself with people who are committed to each other, committed to God, committed to growing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, committed to marriage and marriage. That's it All, right, here we go. We got somebody called in.
Speaker 5:Caller.
Speaker 2:Got to call in. Call the state, your name, where you're calling from.
Speaker 6:Hi, my name is Nicole Richardson, calling from Tallahassee Florida.
Speaker 4:Hi Richard.
Speaker 2:Thank you for calling.
Speaker 6:Oh, you're welcome, no problem. I had a question because I am a single person, so I find it difficult to take advice from people who are married when, in terms of how to date and you know what to look for and how to manage relationships, especially if they've been married for such a long time, because dating in marriage is so, so different from what it was in you know, in the early, to like literally five, maybe 10 years ago Do you both find it difficult being married as long as you have? When couples who are currently going through marriage problems now do you find it difficult to relate, based on the can be like how it is now socially and social media and all the different types of challenges that a couple may have being married in 2023. That did not exist in what? 1990, which I got married, 1994, 93, 92, even though I was going to say 91, but do you find that challenging when you're in a council and how do you approach that? Like, how do you talk about that?
Speaker 2:Okay for me. I don't find it difficult. I think marriage and, like your situation of dating is totally two different things. I believe marriage is a. It has a foundational thing and if the foundational is is is one, I don't believe you should bring your culture into marriage. I mean, you bring your culture in there, but don't let culture overview.
Speaker 2:If we are going to be biblical people, if you come to me, we're going to go based on the Bible, right, so we're not going to based it on the social norms or what social media says or whatever. If you come to us, we're going to base it on the Bible. That is our foundation. That is our foundation. So I'm going to say to a man look, this is how you're supposed to treat it. I don't don't look at social media, don't look at, maybe, how you'll. I'll look at another person. This is what the Bible says. You're supposed to treat as a lady. This is what the Bible says, and you know as that. So when we look at that foundation, I don't worry about social media, I don't worry about the different other cultures. I don't worry about that. I work at the foundation of the Bible.
Speaker 2:Now, when it comes down to dating, I can understand you saying that, because dating I mean you bring it, we're going to be real, you bring it to you and Nick and that y'all bring up thing. I'll be like, wow, that is totally different how we know, how we used to do it. You know, you used to call them up and you know, be on the phone with them all the time and take them out and open the door and all this, all this kind of stuff. And now people using dating apps we didn't have no dating apps, right, so you know, you know. So it's a totally different thing in dating. So when you come, I learn a lot and then I say, okay, if that's how you're dating, then that's how you're dating, but if you're going to get into marriage, there is a foundational principle that you need to have when you get into marriage. Now, dating again, that could be different. You're dating social media. I mean I, you know all that kind of stuff, and God bless you, nicky, you and everybody else who dating.
Speaker 4:I know and you know the social media is is such a I really can't find the reverse to explain it. But when you're trying to compare your life to, based on what people are posting and what you're seeing in the celebrity world and all that, you're going to you, those celebrities don't be married six days, six weeks, six months. So you can't really compare that to. You know how you want your, your life to be. So I'm kind of take a step back from that and really sit down and ask yourself what am I really looking for in in a man? What is it that I want foundation? I want somebody that, hey, you don't have to be rich, but they got to be able to at least bring as much as I'm bringing to the table, or we got to be able to leave a foundation or something. So you know a lot of these guys. Now they're not a lot of them.
Speaker 4:They they looking for they looking for the women to bring stuff to the table.
Speaker 4:It's like you don't make six figures girl. No, we can't go out. So men have gotten into some of them out there in the day and really got a bit sassy. So that's got to be difficult for young women nowadays. That's looking to, you know, to build something to build a future with. So definitely my heart go out to that. But you got to collect data, you got to know what you don't want and you can't find out what you don't want if you don't date. And I know that's kind of sucky, but you know how do you know you don't like a watermelon if you don't try it. You know.
Speaker 6:Absolutely. Y'all are absolutely right and I agree. I just wanted to counter the clear. The dating is different and you know I'm not necessarily talking about it, I was using example. I'm just talking about the just marriage in general, how it's viewed, how it's considered, how you know, for example, you have fidelity Like in 1992, when you guys are married. You know being faithful and being loyal was different versus when you open up a new door. You have a plethora of options. So I was just wondering, like how you guys in your counseling sessions, if you ever have any challenges like trying to get you know to come to that, that place of how you were, you know, years ago, if that's a challenge to you, knowing how things have changed.
Speaker 2:So far, so far, so far not going to thank God it has it and I think again, if it ever came, you know I would again go back to the principles of the foundation we try to counsel.
Speaker 2:You know, again the culture. You know, because I grew up one way, your mom grew up another way, right? So we had, even though we grew up in Papua, nile or whatever, we had two different cultures, two different lives, and so we look at marriage. You know we could grow up and look at marriage totally different and so what we had to do is forget all about that and go to the foundation of the word. That's what we had to do, go to the foundation of the word. So we're counseling somebody and you know, like you said, they open up and they have options and say look, no, no, the foundation of the word, you don't supposed to cheat on your wife. You don't suppose, like we said earlier, stop, don't be talking to no other sex because it can lead to other stuff. This we're going to be going to stay on the foundational of marriage. Just do it the right, not the right way, and not do it how the celebrities or culture say to do it.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Okay thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 6:There's a bit, there's basic, there's biblical day. The covenant and marriage and that's what you focus on. That's regardless of the different cultures. Okay, that's good, I just wanted to know.
Speaker 2:Thank you, love you.
Speaker 6:Thank you, thank you so much, you're welcome, hey love.
Speaker 2:Hi All right, we got another call.
Speaker 4:All right.
Speaker 2:All right, we got another call. All right, gabriela, gabriela, how you doing Good, how are you doing Good, good, what's your question? What you calling in for?
Speaker 5:Say that again.
Speaker 2:You have a comment question you're calling in.
Speaker 5:Yes, I came across a piece of advice today. I'm through YouTube. There's a professor I guess her name is Brené Brown, and she said how marriages never 50 50 and that's, you know, a big misconception. So what her and her husband do is they check in with each other daily with like a percentage you know. Soon as one of them walks through the door and sees the other, they kind of give you know a number Like I'm at 20% today or you know, any other one will be like that's okay, I got your 80. And they find ways to kind of balance each other out and I thought that's something I might want to try implementing, because there are days where you feel more depleted or days where you feel more energized and that you can kind of Take the load Also your partner, or days where you feel like you need the load taken off to you. And you know I thought that was Interesting. So I'm, you know I'll be interested also here. Your take on that.
Speaker 2:I love it. I never heard, I've never heard of that I just heard it today on YouTube Wow.
Speaker 2:I've never heard that and I love it. I'm gonna implement that. Man, that is good. You know that. You look, because you know, cuz sometimes passing comes in from work and she's not feeling it, I should be able to balance it, balance it out. You know like she'll call this. I don't feel like cooking or whatever. Hey, I don't worry about, I got it. I don't feel like why. You know I'll do the clothes, you know, and I think it should be a balance. I never think that marriage is 50 50. I think it's a hundred hundred. You put all you into it and not every day You're gonna feel a hundred right so that is so good, not every day You're gonna feel at a hundred.
Speaker 2:So in the days that you don't feel at a hundred, you know, hey, don't worry about it. I got your 20. I got your 80. Everything will be alright going, baby, just go ahead and take a, just take a bath. Just don't worry about it. You know, enjoy yourself, you know yeah. So, yeah, I think that is perfect advice.
Speaker 4:That's good. Thank you for that.
Speaker 2:All right, I gotta give you a clap on that. Yeah, I gotta use that 20 tomorrow. Now don't come in and tell me what you're gonna be tomorrow. Wait to the tomorrow, come now. Gabby has not given you an excuse. So when you walk in the door and say, babe, I'm at 20, so she, if she say she had 20 tomorrow, I know where she got it from Gabby, from you. I'm gonna call you and tell you about yourself.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna take you I forgot the second part.
Speaker 5:I just remembered. So if they ever have a day where, where you know, let's say he's like, okay, she said, her husband will walk to the door and say, you know, I'm at a solid 25 today and and she's only at like 30, 35% or whatever he says, then they, if they're combined is under a hundred. They, they sit down and have a conversation about how they're going to be nice to each other, be kinder to each other, or give each other some space, or or you know final way to support, because they're both not Making a hundred that day. I forgot that part.
Speaker 2:Wow, that is good. I wonder, did she, did she say anything about? You know you constantly coming in? You know, every day I'm at 25, every day I'm at 25, every day I'm at 25, you know, did she? You know, did she say anything about that? Or every day I'm so negative, you know cuz well, I just saw a brief clip. Okay, I didn't.
Speaker 5:I didn't get to go that far, but I did plan on looking her up and seeing if there was more to it, but I still thought that that part could have been, you know, maybe something helpful, at least in my marriage.
Speaker 2:Right right Different okay, good, takes us to the information we all. I want to look at that, yeah, cuz I'm curious. You know I love that and I'm curious you know, for you know marriage advice and for people that you know a person constantly coming in If we use it. A person comes to come in and I'm always at 15. I'm always at 15 and so the other person who's, you know, trying to pull the weight can sometimes, you know, get overwhelmed and always say no, I'm always pulling you, eventually you to wear out, so you know we just got it All right.
Speaker 5:We got it to us All right Thanks.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, gabby, thank you for calling in, appreciate you. All right blessings to you. Thank you All right, we can ready to wrap up. I mean, I Talk all night. Yeah, I talk all night, but this was good, this was this was good.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you guys enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:Hey, um is. He says she loved green green. Oh, that's okay. Green brown, that's what it is. Okay, I gotta check that out. That was good.
Speaker 4:That was really good and that kind of brought all of the other things that we've always talked about to the full services surface. As far as it being a shared responsibility, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Hey, you know what that's why I love about our podcast is that we don't know, we learn you don't know everything.
Speaker 2:Even when we have our marriage, a treat I take away so much. They think that we, we give them some. I'm taking so much away from our retreaters, man, they just don't understand that will help us go farther, even in our marriage, right, even Nikki calling in and saying, man, that's, that's something we learn from each other and that's what I love about this podcast, yep, right. And I love about you, baby, I love you so much, you know, you got the more laces, all right, well, we, getting ready to sign off, we want to thank each and every person who called in. We don't thank each and every person who chimed in on the Chat. We just give you, we just thank you, you know, because you could have been doing something else on this Monday, but you decided to. You know, just come with us, hang out with us a little bit, you know. And so we're grateful, I am grateful, I want to give all of you.
Speaker 2:Hey hey all y'all on the Dwayne TJ man, rob, thank you. Thank, rob, for being the administrator for tonight.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
Speaker 2:All right, we know Jordan was on we, you know Jordan, I like. We thank God for both of them and they're being of Perfect examples of a young couple. You know and I love that, rob, and you know so.
Speaker 4:It's made the man. Oh, harold, put some eyes on there one time, hey.
Speaker 2:Hey. So we thank God for each and every person who joined. And forget, don't forget to Like and share. Don't forget to go on Apple podcast, give us a five-star review, go to Spotify, go to all those places and just review. It helps us, it really does. It helps us, you know, we don't ask for money, we don't ask for those things, but while I was getting out, it helps us monetize. It helps us, you know. So we we just thank God for each and every one out. Thank God for you and you know we're getting ready to, you know, just go.
Speaker 4:Hmm, I'm hungry baby, I'm hungry baby.
Speaker 2:I'm hungry too.
Speaker 4:All right, you want a hot?
Speaker 2:dog. You want a hot dog? Why you want a hot dog? Okay, alright, well, thank you all. We see y'all. We see y'all in two weeks. When is it? Look at the calendar. Let me look at the calendar, because you good at you. Look at the calendar. I want to make sure that we are, um, yeah, we are good that we stay on schedule. Yeah, we yeah that we stay on skin.
Speaker 2:So the 18th the 18th it is 18th is gonna be our holiday, special Podcasts, okay, so we're gonna come in dress festive. You know we want y'all to dress in festive. Okay, you know, and it was just gonna have a good time. Santa hat, oh well, santa hat, come on. You know we're gonna have a good Christmas podcast and share Christmas memories, so we want you to call in and maybe share good Christmas favorite Christmas memory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can put you on camera too. We can do that. We can do that. We can send the link out to anybody say send me the link, send a link, and they could come and join us and show us their Christmas outfit.
Speaker 4:All right, ugly sweaters, no, no ugly sweaters.
Speaker 2:All right, well, time to go. We love you all.
Speaker 1:Hearing this message. You've listened to the entire episode and for that we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope you enjoyed this new episode and, if you did, please rate and review our show on your favorite podcast channel. Please share this episode with others who may be interested in this topic and also feel free to let us know what topics you'd like to see covered in future episodes. Get in touch in the comments on any social media networks at marriage in real life podcast. See you in two weeks for our next episode.
