Marriage in Real Life
Why Planning SEX Might Save Your Marriage
Ever wondered if scheduling sex could actually bring more romance into your relationship? On today's episode, we promise to reveal the surprising benefits of planning intimacy for busy couples. We’ll share evidence that a little structure can lead to more anticipation, better connections, and a healthier relationship overall. By reframing scheduled intimacy as essential relationship maintenance, you might just discover a new way to keep the spark alive.
Next, we navigate the tricky waters of mismatched sex drives with some practical advice. From dealing with the impact of age and health issues to managing external stressors, we stress the importance of communication in understanding each other’s needs. By openly discussing and planning intimate moments, couples can bridge the gap and ensure neither partner feels neglected or undervalued. We dive into real-life scenarios and give actionable tips to help you maintain intimacy even when life gets in the way.
Finally, we turn our focus to the art of setting expectations and alternating initiation. With a sprinkle of humor, we share stories about the joys and challenges of both planned and spontaneous intimacy. By establishing clear parameters and taking turns initiating, couples can create a balanced and satisfying intimate life. We also invite listeners to join the conversation, share their own experiences, and stick around for a lighthearted look at why kissing your spouse goodbye might just help you live longer. Tune in for some laughs, some learning, and a whole lot of love.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
Ever wondered if scheduling sex could actually bring more romance into your relationship? On today's episode, we promise to reveal the surprising benefits of planning intimacy for busy couples. We’ll share evidence that a little structure can lead to more anticipation, better connections, and a healthier relationship overall. By reframing scheduled intimacy as essential relationship maintenance, you might just discover a new way to keep the spark alive.
Next, we navigate the tricky waters of mismatched sex drives with some practical advice. From dealing with the impact of age and health issues to managing external stressors, we stress the importance of communication in understanding each other’s needs. By openly discussing and planning intimate moments, couples can bridge the gap and ensure neither partner feels neglected or undervalued. We dive into real-life scenarios and give actionable tips to help you maintain intimacy even when life gets in the way.
Finally, we turn our focus to the art of setting expectations and alternating initiation. With a sprinkle of humor, we share stories about the joys and challenges of both planned and spontaneous intimacy. By establishing clear parameters and taking turns initiating, couples can create a balanced and satisfying intimate life. We also invite listeners to join the conversation, share their own experiences, and stick around for a lighthearted look at why kissing your spouse goodbye might just help you live longer. Tune in for some laughs, some learning, and a whole lot of love.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
all right, we're ready to get in our topic tonight. We're ready to get in our topic. Just, man, we're gonna get in it into it, and so are you ready to get in the topic I am ready all right, here we go. All right, we will.
Speaker 1:Hey, we want to make sure you warned me we're a llama, so we're talking about putting sex on the calendar. Can it work? Putting sex on the calendar? Can it work? We just talked about the 7-7-7-7 principle. Right, that's on the calendar. That means seven days doing this and doing this, and you look at your calendar and you do that.
Speaker 2:But when you put it on the calendar, I think it don't.
Speaker 1:What are you talking about Putting? What the seven, sevens principles? Or are you talking about sex?
Speaker 2:Putting sex on the calendar. Alright, it's not romantic.
Speaker 1:You don't think so? No, alright, okay.
Speaker 2:It seems more or less like a whim bam. Thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 1:So you think it could be like a to-do list, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like it's on the list of things to do.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it's not. You know, you're saying that there's no spontaneity in it. Exactly Okay, all right, all right, all right, so, but you know. So we're going to just talk about it. We got it from Les and them and so we said look, research, though. Research says this Scheduling sex actually works for many couples. So scheduling sex actually works for many couples. If you're wondering how that's possible, we're going to look at it right now. Okay, let's jump right in, because we're taking this from last.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know I'm looking at it. It's like they say I don't know about this one.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, I know, I don't know about it. Okay, all right, let's talk. That's why we're going to talk about it. You know what I mean. We're going to talk about it. You like surprise? Okay, all right, look at it. You know what we're going to add. We're going to add on to that, all right. So let's see what they say. All right, let's talk about it and see what they say, all right, all right. What they said is is that planning actually actually creates anticipation. It's almost when you plan, it's like when you plan on plan on your 7777. All right, when you plan on that, it creates anticipation. So it's like man, if we're gonna, we're gonna plan this this, this day, that we're gonna have sex, it's like an anticipation. Like man, I can't wait till it happens all right, that's possible.
Speaker 1:That's we're just talking about the possibilities. You know what I'm saying. We're just talking about the possibilities Because, again, sometimes life has a tendency to do it and you know, just like, we're planning a date you got to, you know it takes away from. Look, we're going to do this date, no matter what, you know whatever, and you know life happens, but we got to do it. If we don't do it on Friday, we got to do it on Saturday. If we don't do it on Saturday, we got to do it on Saturday. We got to have that date All right. So we're saying here it's funny, ain't it? Planning creates anticipation, All right, so this is it. So one reason why scheduling sex on a calendar works for a busy couple is that planning actually creates anticipation for the moment.
Speaker 1:Okay creates anticipation for the moment.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, I can read it. Can I just read what first?
Speaker 1:okay, yeah, come on, just read what first man, oh man.
Speaker 2:So what if you're not in the mood? So what, I can't stand. What if I can't stand? You right now, just get them clothes off. You know what you're right. You're right for for it Because, like say, for instance, you plan it and the anticipation has been high, but that morning we have a little disagreement.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, that means, you shouldn't have no disagreement, man.
Speaker 2:So that means do we cancel the plans? We have to reschedule the plans Come on, man, y'all messing up.
Speaker 1:We got to get through this. We got to get through this. I'm just saying.
Speaker 2:It's a hot topic for me, you know, it is All right, so check it out.
Speaker 1:So, if you feel resistant to the idea of planning, try reframing it. All right, don't think of it as a to-do item. Okay, all right. So okay, all right, we're rolling, we're rolling, all right. Planning allows for preparation, all right. Planning allows for preparation, all right, so check this out. This is what they say. They say when sex is on the calendar and you're making it a priority that allows you and your spouse to prepare for intimacy, cause you know what what they say, you know people we first got married to me how to prepare for intimacy.
Speaker 2:Now you gotta.
Speaker 1:now you gotta set a plan and a schedule and and but as you got kids, as life comes, businesses and all of this kind of stuff, sometimes that stuff, you know it becomes priority, right, and so what it's saying here is that planning it makes it priority. It's like this Some people they wake up every day and they have a to-do list. That means that is their priority. They may have a weekly list. This is their priority. Some people live by their calendars. Some people they live, and so if you put sex with spouse on there, that is your priority for the week, that is your priority for the day, and maybe you didn't get it that day, but as a to-do list you add it on what you didn't get done.
Speaker 2:The day before.
Speaker 1:You know, you keep putting it there so you can make it until it gets. You know.
Speaker 2:Until it gets to Sunday. Before you know it, it's really gone.
Speaker 1:Alright. So when sex is on the calendar, you're making it a priority that allows you and your spouse to prepare for intimacy, so both of you can build an appropriate rhythm around the dates. All right, no matter when they fall on the calendar, you can make sure your schedules are cleared and everything is squared away for your time together, all right. What are they saying here? Squared away for your time together, all right. What are they saying here? I see that y'all are giving out assignments. I better get a spouse by the next month.
Speaker 2:You know what you're saying. On that day he's going to be on his best behavior. You know what you're saying. You better be on your best behavior. If you want to add it to the next day's calendar, that's what's going to happen. So you're right about. I say hey, lizzie.
Speaker 1:Hey, lizzie, how you doing so. Preparation is important as you move into busier seasons that's what they're saying, or say so life, careers and marriage, all right. So preparation is important, all right. If you have children, you might need to plan for child care.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, you might need to plan for child care.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, you know, don't call me, you might be having to take them to the grandparents. Jesus man, I tell you that just reminds me of Jordan Nope.
Speaker 1:All right, all right, all right. So it says planning an intimate encounter. It doesn't sound glamorous, but it's definitely worth the effort. All right, all right. So it's like this. Think of it like this you value intimacy so much that you're willing to plan ahead to make it happen. Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. So the third one is all right. The third one is this is good, right here.
Speaker 1:Planning creates pacing you can't agree on Pacing? Yeah, all right, so check this out. Agreeing on intimate dates ahead of time can also help you and your spouse find a pacing and frequency you can agree on.
Speaker 2:I agree, you agree, you agree, I agree. So, like it says, on the frequency part.
Speaker 1:So it says like this but this is true, this is true. This next sentence is really true. Because, oftentimes spouses have different sex drives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because oftentimes spouses have different sex drives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, right, sometimes it be up, sometimes it be down, sometimes it be non-existent, sometimes it be against the I don't know what you you are bothering me. You know, sometimes it's like that right, sometimes, yeah, at a different of ages.
Speaker 2:Definitely at a different of ages.
Speaker 1:Different of ages, definitely at a different age, different of ages. And you know you may have some you know sickness or something that you may be taking medicine, right, that affects your sex drive, yeah, right, and it happens. So that's, you know, that's as quickly to tell, to tell couples. You know you might as well get it in while you, while you're young, you know, get it in as many times as you can.
Speaker 2:Even when you're still, you know, between I want to say between your. I want to say maybe 37 to about, maybe somewhere around 47. You can be at your, you can still be at a peak, but your partner may not, and then you may go like this your partner may be here.
Speaker 1:Right, you may be here Right.
Speaker 2:And then it comes a time when you're balanced again, mm-hmm. That's usually not.
Speaker 1:That's usually what.
Speaker 2:That's usually not long-lived, so during that time you want to get it, you want to get it, I'm done with you. Oh man, I'm done with you.
Speaker 1:I've been having so much fun. I've been having so much fun.
Speaker 2:It's so true, though, because I can remember times when you know like I was like, yeah, let's take one for the team, and you was like no and I'm like, well, why not?
Speaker 2:man, I got too much on my mind and that was ministry, and you know the kids in college and so much going on. You know that was ministry, and you know the kids in college, and so much going on. You know that was the last thing on your mind. You know what I'm saying. So I think, and then when it vice versa, I'm trying a new job, I'm trying to do my own business, I'm trying to do all this stuff on the side. So here I am and here you are Right, so it does happen. And so I think this um, when that happened, I think this is the best, best thing to do.
Speaker 2:The best you know to do the calendar right. And you're busy like that because you don't want to neglect your partner, right? You know you don't want to feel, you know, and sometimes and sometimes women just don't feel sexy. Sometimes don't we get in a place where we don't we don't feel.
Speaker 1:Attractive sexy.
Speaker 2:We don't feel good with ourselves and we like, we don't really want our partner to see us in that vulnerable state, so we may back off you know, and be like it's not. It's not him, it's just I'm just not happy with with me right now. It could be something internal. It's just that I'm just not happy with me right now. It could be something internal. It could be your appearance. In my case it could be my hair one of my many different hairs.
Speaker 2:You know, it comes a time where we do go through that. Well, you know we're not feeling sexy and we're feeling insecure about how we feel inside. You know what's going on with us and it kind of will push us away. So during this time would be a time to definitely plan it. But when you're not feeling sexy or you know sexual, it becomes a chore. It's like I'm just doing it, just to do it, to do it, right, right and.
Speaker 1:I guess in that time well, in all times, but especially in that times that's why it takes communication, right, don't you agree? Yeah, right, you know, like, if you know again, if you're not feeling sexy or I'm not feeling, I'm just whatever, it's time to communicate and say, hey, is this is not you or whatever like that. It's just that I'm not, because sometimes people was you know, say, oh, is, is something wrong with me. And then you know, you go around and and all this kind of stuff. And that's when, again, here comes the enemy creeping in, right, and we try and avoid that, but that's what we try to avoid.
Speaker 1:So what communication avoids the enemy from creeping in? And because if you know how your partner is feeling, you know how your partner, what they're going through, because again, in different ages, things happen. You know and you don't know. You know you don't know until you get there, you know you may be all fine now, you know be rabbits and stuff like that, but it's going to become a time where there's going to be no rabbits. You know so, and you got to communicate and you've got to be able to talk about that. You know what I'm saying and I just want to pause right here. Pause right here and say this, and you tell me this all the time. I think you tell women all the time. Men need to know this. Look, women want sex just as much as men.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Good sex. Women want sex just as much as men. Absolutely good good sex. All right, we do. But yeah, and I, I um. You want to go to the question?
Speaker 1:um, well, we got, uh, you know, we got some over here. No, we go. We're gonna tell you, women want good sex just as much as men, right, and this, this, this, this belief is that you know a man who, just you know, and I think married men want good sex too. I don't think married men just want to relieve themselves. I think they want to be loved, they want to. True, you know, if this is my partner, I want to be loved. They want to. True, you know, if I mean this is my partner, I want to be with my partner and I want to. You know, love, even if it's a quickie. You know what I mean. It's me and my partner. It's not. I ain't thinking about nobody else, I ain't doing it. It's me and my partner, and I want that, and, and I, you know, like you say, women want it just as bad as men. It's not a one-sided thing, right, but they want it. Good, you know what I mean. So that's a thing here, all right.
Speaker 1:And also, again, we're talking about married couples. You know, I hear you, for you know, talking to married couples and I was going to say this in the beginning of the broadcast is that we are a Christian couple. We believe in marriage and the covenant, and we believe marriage is between a man and a woman. That's just what we believe, and so you know, anybody that's watching they may or listening, they may feel somewhere else, but this is where we are, you know. So you know, I just want to bring that out. All right, here we go, here we go. So Ferg say here okay, jordan, I'll remind you of Jordan, howe? Okay, we'll tell you about that later. That's just a funny story, you know, just a funny story. All right, so Ferg says when you have young kids, benadryl is.
Speaker 2:We are not condoning that. To drug your children, no we're not condoning that. We're not condoning that. For Whatever works for you, yes whatever works for you.
Speaker 1:No, it's been a just cheap dinner baby. All right, man Zeldin over there cracking up, he says we saw the question, we saw the question, don't you know? We're going to tell you, we're crack it up. It says, um uh, they like we saw we saw the question, for we saw the question.
Speaker 2:Don't you know, we, we, we, we, we gonna tell you, we gonna tell you All right.
Speaker 1:So Izzy says this intimacy begins at the start of the day and outside, if outside, of the bedroom.
Speaker 2:I agree with that. See, I knew it was something about that girl, the way we were connected.
Speaker 1:I knew it the moment I met her. I knew it yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I totally agree because you know, in the morning, when I leave, eric is knocked out because you know he worked overnight.
Speaker 1:So he'd be over there and he'd be getting it in.
Speaker 2:He'd be getting it in baby, and when I hear it it's so funny that it could be an annoying sound. But it's also a sound to let me know that he's still among the living.
Speaker 1:Oh Jesus, I know he's still with me.
Speaker 2:So when I leave in the morning he's out cold, so I always stand at the foot of the bed and pray for him. And then I'll go and I'll kiss him, and I usually kiss him a little bit longer than expected, Try not to wake him up, but I'll just kiss him a little bit longer than and then expect, try not to wake him up, but I'll just kiss him on the top of his head, on his cheeks, sometimes behind his ear, and it just does something to me and I can be sitting in my desk at 10 o'clock. I leave the house about 7.30, but at 10 o'clock it's like I miss him.
Speaker 1:I miss my baby.
Speaker 2:I miss you so much. When he called me yes, he called me oh geez. Yes, he called me. He's like hey, babe, you know, and it's so funny because the ladies that surround me they always say you and your husband always ask each other hey, how you doing? I was like yeah, we do. It's just natural to us. He'll be like hey, babe, hey, how you doing? I'm doing all right, babe, how are you? But when they talk to their partners, I never hear them ask. That's what I'm saying now.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, all right, all right, good, all right. So I agree. Intervention begins at the beginning of the day, so check this out. This is what it says. If you're worried that scheduling sex will ruin spontaneity, all right. Remember that just because you schedule sex doesn't mean sex is limited to that schedule.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, you go off the schedule yeah.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, just because that, all right. Just because you schedule something, that doesn't mean that you can't go off that schedule, all right. Um, we got here. Who's going up here? Lindsey, lindsey, all right. Lindsey says most women needs the consistent affection and intimacy our sex drive is now automatic. Not, oh, it's not automatic. Oh, oh, okay, all right.
Speaker 2:I agree with that too.
Speaker 1:Okay, All right, All right. So when we so, we hit the subject about that spontaneity Because it's scheduled.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean that it can't be fun.
Speaker 1:It can't be you know doing anything. It can't be that All right. So it all right, so you can, you can plan it, but you, you know you can, you don't have to hold to that schedule. That's one thing you don't have to hold to. Yeah, all right, uh. Jordan says, or jordan says I've, I've heard the term, uh, chore play. That's kind of what he says. That that kind of embodies the idea chore play, all right, joey, you're gonna, you're going to have to call in, tell us what that's about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we have to call in School loves old folks. Yeah, school loves old folks there. All right, all right, here we go. I got this. You didn't get it, but I got this. I've been doing my research. Now I'm telling you I right, so here we go. I got three steps to schedule sex in your marriage. Uh-oh, three steps. I'm going to give you three steps.
Speaker 2:Let me get a pencil and paper, let me write these down.
Speaker 4:Can you send me this?
Speaker 2:transcript.
Speaker 1:All right Okay let's go, All right this is what's done by Tony and Alyssa of One Extraordinary Marriage. This is three steps, all right? All right, here's the first one. Here's the first one. All right, Izzy, I need you to put this in the chat when you get a chance. All right, Three steps to schedule sex in your marriage, all right. Number one communicate the expectation.
Speaker 2:Okay, I like that right communicate.
Speaker 1:So. So what happened is that both of you need to sit down and communicate about how your marriage would be transformed by scheduling sex. So you're sitting down, alright, and so by getting to the same path in your communication, both of you will open up in all areas of your marriage. We already said, communications is key Communications.
Speaker 2:So if I say, hey, yo, you know about our schedule six, I'm thinking about a little handcuffs and wilts and chains you going to be okay with that, you going to be like we are.
Speaker 1:Oh Lord, that is undefiled, yeah, yeah, hey. That's why we say we tell you whatever you do in your boudoir is up to you. We're gonna tell you what to do. You know, that's up to you. That's not up to you, all right, so, so, so I mean, that's up to you, not up to you, but that's up to you, even as bishop. You remember, bishop, and you know, first lady, when they said, when they talked about in the bedroom, when you mentioned the handcuffs and everything, yeah, you did, all right, all right.
Speaker 1:So each of you will gain a new level of trust with one another, which will allow for amazing sex when you schedule it, all right. So number one is what Communicate? All right, communicate your expectations, what is expected by us scheduling this sex time? All right, all right. Number two, number two, number two you got to set the parameters. Set the parameters, oh gee. So ain't no handcuffs, we're not doing it on Tuesday. We ain't got to do no handcuffs on Tuesday, all right, we'll do them on Friday, but we're not doing them on Tuesday. Okay, but we will do them, yeah, but we will, because we're the communicators, you know.
Speaker 1:Oh Jesus, oh boy, all right. So you set the parameters, all right. So once you're both on board, you need to set the parameters. The two of you need to decide the days. Okay, all right, that each of you is responsible for taking the lead. Oh, I knew that was going to get you. I like that. You like that? Huh, I do, right. All right, I have a problem with that, right, so you sit down. I just got to follow it Jesus.
Speaker 2:You got to follow me, jesus, oh God.
Speaker 1:All right, so the two of you need to decide the days that each of you for taking the lead initiating, you know, okay, when it comes to sex, all right, so you got to sit down. All right, so you're not going to have sex on all of your days, right, although that would be fun, all right. But instead you're going to take the lead, you're going to initiate on one of those days, okay, all right, all right, so this is how it goes. All right, all right, so this is how it goes. All right, all right. So this is how it goes, for example. All right. This is, for example oh, malika. Malika said schedule a freaky Friday. Oh Jesus, oh Lord, what we done started.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but that's not doing it. Love, oh Lord. All right, that's what I'm talking about All right.
Speaker 1:So this is an example. This is an example. All right, all right, so okay. Say for instance, me and you, right, we sit down, we talk. And it says okay, on Sunday, monday or Tuesday, I take the lead. I've decided to lead and initiate sex.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Sunday, monday or Tuesday. All right, all right so, but I only have to initiate um on one of those days sunday, monday or tuesday. I only have to initiate that, all right so, um. So this is how it goes. So we know, if we haven't had sex on sunday or monday, then we're sure to have it on tuesday tuesday, wednesday, thursday this is my initiation, remember, we have. We've decided who is going to initiate. A week to initiate. No, this is my initiation. Remember, we've decided who is going to initiate.
Speaker 1:This is your week to initiate. No, this is my. Whatever you decide. Okay, it may be a week, it may be whatever like that, but maybe take the days of the weeks, right? Mm-hmm, all right? So Sunday, monday or Tuesday is my time to initiate sex. Okay, right, all right, and we're going to talk about about initiating, all right. So if I, we don't have sex on Monday, on Sunday, we don't have sex on Monday, it's all gone. We got to have sex on Tuesday. I got to initiate sex on Tuesday, okay, right, so. So, patsy, so your days to initiate and take the lead on Wednesday, thursday and Friday All Thursday and Friday, all right, so on one of those days, but I can only pick one day out of the three.
Speaker 1:No, you can you know again? We have to agree, but that's the one day you know that you're going to take the lead. So we don't have sex on Wednesday. We don't have sex on Thursday.
Speaker 2:We will Jeez, but okay, but I understand your concept. I can choose one of the three, if it don't happen one of those days. But if it happen all three of those days, it's okay too.
Speaker 1:Boy, look at you. You're trying to rail brother out ain't you?
Speaker 2:I'm just saying, I'm just throwing it out.
Speaker 1:You're just throwing it out there. I'm just throwing it out. That reminds me of those seven days. You remember that. Okay, all right, you go complain if you want to. I got to tell that story to the ladies no, you can tell it now if you want to.
Speaker 2:So Eric was harassing me about sex a while back, about 12 years ago, anyway. So at this particular time he was here and I was there. He kept asking me. He kept, you know, just kept at me with it. So I said okay, I shared this with my girlfriends. I said with Donna and Erica I said I got something for them. They was like what's it got? I said I'm going to tell you when it's done. Every day when he walked through the door Sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday by the time we got to Wednesday he was like this is enough, this is enough, this is enough. And when I told Donna and Erica they laughed so hard. They said that's what he get, that's exactly what he get. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I initiated it.
Speaker 1:That's what you wanted. I made it happen. That's why I joke to be talking. You know, you got that song out now hours and hours and hours. Man, you joke is crazy. So we looked at Sunday, we looked at Monday, we looked at Tuesday, wednesday, thursday and Friday. You know, saturday we just take the day off.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You know so, but that's a bonus day. So, for instance, maybe we just do it on Tuesday and maybe do it on Friday Then Saturday. You instance, maybe we just do it on Tuesday and maybe do it on Friday, then Saturday. You know, you may wake up in the morning knowing about it going to work and you feel a little something. You know, and you feel something inside you and you feel something inside you and you know I'm talking about your heart. You know.
Speaker 2:You know what First thing the freaks come out at?
Speaker 1:night. Boy they crack it up, boy they crack it up.
Speaker 2:Good one, Lindsay Good one.
Speaker 1:Oh Lord, y'all driving me crazy boy.
Speaker 2:That's right Minutes and minutes. Let's wrap it up Three to four minutes at that.
Speaker 1:It's a wrap, wow all right, all right, all right. So that's just an example. So so the two you are going to need to spend time in discussion. So that's where your communication on on how to do it. All right, so and so, like we're, maybe you, maybe this is a week thing, maybe you know. Maybe it's a daily thing, you know, maybe it's a week thing. Maybe you look at your calendar, you say, ok, this week you initiate, you know, next week I initiate, or you know whatever like that, but don't let it be a monthly thing. You know in the initiate, and so you know in the initiate, and so you can alternate weeks and all that kind of stuff. All right. So, whatever you choose, all right, whatever you choose, just try it out for three to six months and see how it goes. All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 1:So number one was what Communicate? Communicate the expectations, whatever we expect, you know, you know how are we going to do it, what the days are, you know. Whatever Set the, whatever we expect, you know, uh, you know how we're going to do it, what the days are, you know. Whatever set the parameters, that's, the days of the weeks or whatever like that, all right. Number three is initiate sex. So what it? What it happens is is that now that you got the days you need to talk, like you question it. What does it mean when you say initiate sex? What does it? What does you know? What does this mean? So if, if initiating has been one-sided for the majority of your marriage, then there's some work to do. You know, and a lot of times what happens is in a marriage is that the woman is expected to initiate all the sex.
Speaker 2:I thought you said you didn't like it.
Speaker 1:Jesus oh.
Speaker 2:Lord, I can't.
Speaker 1:Oh Lord, all right, okay, all right.
Speaker 2:Is it really? Do you, men, really expect for the woman to initiate sex? Oh, yeah, a lot of times yeah.
Speaker 1:Why I mean a lot of times, yeah, why? I mean I don't know, because women are so good at it. I mean y'all so good at looking all sexy and you know, and all that kind of stuff. We be like, oh boy, yeah, we sitting over there with a you know belly hanging Well you know we would like to see you guys.
Speaker 1:I would tell you this I mean, I know a lot of men that don't feel attractive. They don't I mean married men that don't feel attractive. And so, like you said, it goes back to what you're saying when you don't feel attractive, you don't feel like initiating that, and you know you're just saying, wow, okay, she do, you know whatever, but they just don't feel like. And and you know you're just saying wow, okay, she do, you know whatever, but they just don't feel like it, and that's. You know men, do Men go through that too?
Speaker 2:Well, women don't? I know me as a woman. I don't mind initiating sex, but I don't want to do it all the time. But I don't want to do it all the time, right.
Speaker 1:So that's why it says that we need to sit down and we need to talk about initiation. Okay, here are some examples. All right, here are some examples right here. Okay, put on, put on the glasses now. I want you to, I want you to see it too. I want you to see it and hear it, whatever, all right.
Speaker 2:So these are some examples.
Speaker 1:All right, some guys. This is, this is some. You know some examples, ladies. This is some examples as well. All right, right. So this is what. Some examples is. Izzy, we thank you for that Boy. I'm telling you, izzy, be on it, all right. So lighting candles in the bedroom. You know, lighting candles in the bedroom, all right, all right. Notes with arrows. Notes with arrows on them All right. Notes with arrows on them leading to a specific place. Oh, that's good. Yeah, you like that, don't you?
Speaker 1:I do All right, let me look what Easy say. Easy say men would like to be desired to, so they wouldn't mind women initiating sex. All right, all right. First, as one of the reasons some men oh yeah, but we getting a lot of this one of the reasons some men think that women initiate is because men feel that she thinks that that's all he wants from from me.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right I agree with that. I mean again we know we want, we want to be desired, we don't want to initiate all the time.
Speaker 1:All right, jordan. Little Richard say it feels like we are forcing you to have sex with us if we keep initiating all the time. Women initiating makes us feel wanted, at least for me.
Speaker 2:All right. All right, all right, all right, son, I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 1:All right, I like them.
Speaker 2:We will talk. All right, so lighting We'll talk, All right.
Speaker 1:So lighting the candles in the bedroom, that's one. Initiating sex, All right, All right. And you know not lighting the candles for the take a nap, you know. So. Don't get no sensual, you know no smelling good, you don't like when you go. You know lavender, you don't want to get those kind of candles, you know, I don't know, Maybe you want to get, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Maybe you want to get something tropical. Like you know, make the island.
Speaker 1:Yeah, keep the man going. You know what I'm saying. So light encounters in the bedroom? Okay. Notes with arrows on them leading to a specific place. All right, a soft whisper, Soft whisper in the ear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like hey, hey, baby, All right, texting throughout the ear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like hey, baby, let's go. Hey, you know All right Texting throughout the day.
Speaker 2:I'll be a bit busy so I probably won't be able to text you right back if you do that, but if I see a text I always try to respond. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. So texting throughout the day, you know, all right, all right, all right, leaving a flower or a piece of chocolate on the pillow. So I leave some kit kats, I'm, I'm good. Okay, all right, now I'm gonna get some. I'm gonna get a bag full of kit kats, all right, all right. Special piece of clothing. Now, baby, you know I like you in your sundress. Okay, you know I like you in your sundress. Okay, you know I like you in your sundress. Boy, I can't wait till you wear that white one. Boy, don't wear the white one to church. I'll put it like that I won't wear it to church, I'll be up here preaching. You know my mind will be going somewhere else. I don't want to be up here preaching and my mind look back there and I think you know, oh, okay nice that's, that's nice, and I think with that one it's according how you.
Speaker 1:It goes back to what you're saying. If you don't feel right, then that that won't do nothing, all right, all right. Well, I remember the time when you came to my job. Well, I'll never forget that as long as I live, baby, I would never forget that. In a trench coat. Yes, sir, yes, sir, that's my baby. You, you, you hit the nail on the head boy. Well, I tell you, I love you, I love you baby. All right, all right, certain touches you. You know what was you. You know you have a certain touch, right? Yeah? Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, here we go. Uh, code words that can be used anywhere. We got a code word. We got no code.
Speaker 1:We got to come up with a code word well, we really don't need one yeah, we need to come up with one okay we need to come up with a code word that to tell us that you know what you know we. Okay, we need to come up with a code word to tell us that you know what you know we're somewhere.
Speaker 2:it's time to go. That's the code word, that's it. If I look at you like this, if I do this, it's time to go.
Speaker 1:See, you have certain gestures. I mean you know you have certain gestures, you know that okay is you know? Is that time? You know you know you want it or whatever you know. So, yeah, you have, you had that look. I know the look Just like. You know, like, just like how kids you know how that look when the parents are mad. You got that look All right, all right. So that's some things and I want you to you know if you either call in or you could put down some things of examples of ways to intimacy, All right, all right. And so this person did you know? Say man, it's not the women's job to initiate sex? We will say that learning to initiate sex is one of the toughest parts for many couples, because sometimes you don't know what you know, what can happen or what turns a person on or what state that person might be in that time, but then the communication will help you find figure that out right, okay, okay, all right, cool.
Speaker 1:so you got to take your time and, uh, you know, find out what's, what's the best, the two of you, all right. So Ferg says isn't nakedness every day? Oh Jesus, it is. But you know, I would add in look, if it's time to initiate sex, right, don't wear the grandma robe or the grandma um nightgown to bed why not when grandma wore those dresses?
Speaker 2:let me tell you something grandma had what about 13 children? Those dresses, y'all don't, don't, don't, not, don't write those off, because grandma was dropping it like it's hot in them, little house man, don't be wearing that stuff.
Speaker 1:You know, don't do that, all right. Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:Let's see.
Speaker 1:All right. We got Ferg saying. Lindsay said baby, it's time to go. You know, all right, yeah, it's time to go. That's it, it's time to go. Okay, ferg says the grunts and the hand gestures from the movie Clan of the Cave Bears was our scene, what?
Speaker 1:That was y'all code that was y'all code, wow, oh geez. Oh man, all right, all right, all right, here's a Ferg Wilder tonight, all right. So is this a? Is this a Use? Is to say, use a fishbowl of different spontaneous intimate moments and pull them on the schedule dates. Okay.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I like that. Yeah, and yeah he is, isn't he always yeah?
Speaker 1:he's out there. He's out there, all right. So we're ready to. You know, I'm going to see if I can get this thing to work this time, because I know Ferg said he tried to call in last time and it didn't. You know, it didn't do what it was supposed to do, so we want to make sure that it is doing that this time. So we want you to be able to call in and 754-222-2219, 754-222-2219. We want you to be able to call in and we want to be able to talk to you, you know. So go ahead and you know go ahead and call in.
Speaker 2:Let me see share with us some of your spontaneous decisions or or ideas that you came up with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:We got Lindsay on the line.
Speaker 1:We got you no.
Speaker 2:No, that's not. Oh, I can't hear you right now.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't know. I didn't know it was my phone that was doing that. Yeah, so 754-222. I'm going to make sure I put it up here so people can, and so people can um dial in. Want to put that number right there 754-222-2219. And we want to hear, um, you know again what y'all thought about the top. You know, uh, tonight's topic, um, you know, if you have some things that you want to share about some spontaneousness or concerning, I think we told who said we wanted to make sure they call in. I think it was Ferg or somebody you know call in 754-222-2219. 754-222-2219. Man, this has been fun, don't you think? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, this is good. We definitely had our conversation about this topic. I was like I don't know, yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but you know the thing about it is I mean, you remember you used to say that you know sex was your favorite topic. You know sex is your favorite topic, remember you used to say that? So, hey, you know that is what it is. All right, we're going to give you a few more minutes for you to call in. I know sometimes it's a latency problem, so we want to make sure that we give you a few more minutes to call in 754-222-2219. To call in 754-222-2219. And just hey, let's talk about some of your ideas of initiating. Right, I know you wrote them down, but it'd be good to you know to hear some of your ideas about initiating. You know some things. You good, you been good tonight. Yes, yes, yes, you know you know some things. You good, you been good tonight yes, yes yes, it's been fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been fun.
Speaker 2:I've really enjoyed it, right so let me tell you the story with Jordan okay, one night, eric and I. Well, jordan was out, he had the car. Well, he had the car right he had the car. So Eric and I decided this would be a moment where we would have just our time. You know just you know, set some flowers out, got candles going, nice, romantic, and guess who? Comes home and then walks into the room and then say to us y'all want me to take a walk?
Speaker 2:Y'all want me to go and run around the block a few times and I'm yelling get out, get out.
Speaker 1:That was funny.
Speaker 2:That was that time I was like no, and I didn't know if Joyner remembered that, but that was so funny because he was. And then he came and said mom, someone's on the phone for you, and I'm like what? She's on the other mind dying laughing and I'm like what she's on the other mind dying laughing.
Speaker 1:I'm like get out, get out. Yeah, yeah, that was kind of funny, that was funny, so mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:After he left, we literally just said man.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:He totally ruined the mood Just ruined everything.
Speaker 1:Ruined the mood. Yeah, just ruined the mood. Just ruined everything. Ruined the mood. Yeah, just ruined the mood. And you know Amai is going to get you back. I can't wait. I can't wait till Amai gets you back. I can't wait, she will get you back. She will get you back, all right, all right, okay, so now it was Jordan, and then y'all was going to tell the story. Okay so? Yeah, so we told the story about Jordan, all right, so we still got enough time. We're going to go ahead and what we're going to get ready to do now we do have a another video that we really want to talk about, and we want to want to talk about this, and I think this leads up. We still give you some time. If you want to call in, you can call in. I want to say, trust me, I remember All right, all right, and this will give you some time for you to call in, but we want to talk about this as well.
Speaker 4:The men who kiss their wives goodbye when they leave for work live something like four years longer than men who don't. But the six-second kiss, which we recommend, has much more potential than that pick on the cheek. What is the six-second kiss? A kiss that lasts at least six seconds. Why not five or four? Because oxytocin gets secreted. With a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss, you're both secreting oxytocin and that creates a sense of psychological safety and connection and bonding and bonding all right, what you think about that baby, what you think about that I love this analogy.
Speaker 2:I mean, I loved it when, because, when I first started, because it's come sometimes where you know you like I say you, you're so busy with life and so many things that's going on that you will be like I'm out the door right, right right. I'm out the door and I can only think about you. Know he says such a connection. If you could just count to six while you planting that kiss you know, your mind is on focusing on that kiss versus everything else that's going to take off and happen during the day.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Which is why I kiss you like I kiss you in the morning Sometimes. I jump right on top of you. You sleep. I jump right, fully dressed, jump right on top of you and kiss you on your forehead and all over your face.
Speaker 3:Right right.
Speaker 2:Just so I can have that connection, because I'm taking that with me. On those days I don't wear an article of your clothing.
Speaker 3:On the days when I can't you know?
Speaker 2:there are days when I'm like I want to be close to you and I'll go and I'll grab something, something out of your closet or something out of your drawer, and I'll wear it to work and then I'll try to sneak you back in the house so you don't see.
Speaker 1:And I always catch you, you always catch me.
Speaker 2:But those are the bond and the connection, and that kiss and that being that, that having that closeness with you.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I really, really like you know the fact that because, like I say, we get so busy with life we don't really think about it. But how many, you know, when I, you know, I read a lot of different things and I watch a lot of TikTok.
Speaker 2:I got to stop watching this stuff. But it's a lot of times when there was this lady that her husband had got into a really bad accident. It wasn't fatal, but when they were, when she was being interviewed about it, she was like I didn't even kiss him this morning before.
Speaker 2:I left Wow, yeah, yeah, I didn't even tell him that I love him before. I was so busy I was trying to get kids in the car and I was trying to go and you know she just that was like just tearing her apart. Right, If this accident was fatal, she didn't get her last kiss. Mm-hmm, you know she didn't get her last kiss, or you know she didn't get her last. Love you, babe, or nothing like that.
Speaker 1:So that's you know, I think. I think it's important, right right, all right, all right, uh, is this a uh? Not to mention, it's the last interaction if something bad happens, that's what you said.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know because, yeah, that way you want to. You want to always let that person know. You know, even when I'm upset with you, I love you. Even the more when I'm upset with you, it reminds me why I love you, wow. You know it's like you know what, if I didn't love him, you know, if I didn't love this, you know.
Speaker 1:so yeah, Okay, yeah, and look, and what did he say? Men can live longer. They can live longer y'all can live longer. I wonder what it do for I'm telling you I don't know, I don't know I'm gonna look at his book yeah, I'm gonna go find him well, yeah, I tell you what.
Speaker 1:What is gonna, what is gonna cause me to do, is make sure I count to six while I'm kissing you, because usually it's just like when I'm leaving for work it's a peck and I say I love you and whatever, but I'll make sure I'm six seconds Because I want to live long baby.
Speaker 1:I want you to. Oh yeah, we got too much to do, Too much, Too much to do. So, yeah, we want to live long. Well, we got too much to do, Too much, Too much to do. So, yeah, we want to live long. Well, tonight was a good subject. Man, tonight, I mean, I really love tonight, man, All right. So well, we're getting time to go. It is time for us to go.
Speaker 1:We want to make sure that you share and like. Matter of fact, stop what you're doing right now and like the video. So by the end of the night, we should at least have eight, nine, ten likes. Right, we should have at least ten likes, All right, Please make sure you like. And then also don't, make sure you not only like, but make sure you share.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure somebody wants to hear this. You know some married couple, you know, and this will be fun, you know this will be fun for them, you know. So make sure you share, share this video. And if you're listening to us on Apple Podcasts, you know Spotify, Amazon Music, whatever you're listening to, please make sure you comment and give us a review. We want to make sure you do that. Make sure you share it. Make sure you tell your friends about it. Tell them to go to Apple Podcasts or wherever wherever you get your podcasting from, you know, wherever you. And also you can get the podcast from YouTube Music too, you know. So please make sure you, you know, give us a review, a five-star review. We are looking for that.
Speaker 1:I had so much fun tonight, baby. I had so much fun. Thank you guys. Y'all made it fun. Yeah, y'all made it so fun. Y'all really made it fun. So we'll be in the comments for a little bit while this video is playing. So you know we'll be saying bye and everything like that, because, again, we know it's some latency thing, but I really enjoyed tonight and I just want to tell you again, baby, I love you and you know we look forward to some good sex, absolutely.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:If you're hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope you enjoyed this new episode and, if you did, please rate and review our show on your favorite podcast channel. Please share this episode with others who may be interested in this topic and also feel free to let us know what topics you'd like to see covered in future episodes. Get in touch in the comments or on any social media networks. At Marriage in Real Life Podcast. See you in two weeks for our next episode. Thank, you.