Marriage in Real Life
Foundation of a Strong Marriage - LOYALTY
Have you ever considered the intricate dance of love and dedication it takes to keep a marriage flourishing? That's precisely what we're tackling today as we guide you through the serpentine paths of marital bliss and blunders. We promise an enlightening journey, grounded in faith, from the profound wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13 to the delicate balance of 'leaving and cleaving' laid out in Ephesians 5:31. As your hosts, we're here to reveal how patience, kindness, and an unwavering commitment can reinforce the love you share with your partner.
Navigating family dynamics and the modern complexities of dual incomes, we highlight the significance of establishing boundaries and creating a sacred space for your union to prosper. The conversation gets real as we share personal stories that shine a light on the struggle for independence and the importance of building your own traditions. We're not tiptoeing around the tough topics either; we confront the raw issues of loyalty, trust, and the thorny path to forgiveness in the aftermath of betrayal. Witness how understanding, transparency, and a steadfast belief in each other can mend the deepest of rifts.
As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, we reflect on the protective instincts of parenthood and the beauty of an imperfect partnership. We believe in the transformative power of sharing experiences and invite you to be part of this ongoing dialogue. Much like this conversation, your marriage is an ever-evolving masterpiece painted with strokes of love, loyalty, and respect. Join us, and let's continue to foster marriages that are not just enduring but exuberant in their love.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
Have you ever considered the intricate dance of love and dedication it takes to keep a marriage flourishing? That's precisely what we're tackling today as we guide you through the serpentine paths of marital bliss and blunders. We promise an enlightening journey, grounded in faith, from the profound wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13 to the delicate balance of 'leaving and cleaving' laid out in Ephesians 5:31. As your hosts, we're here to reveal how patience, kindness, and an unwavering commitment can reinforce the love you share with your partner.
Navigating family dynamics and the modern complexities of dual incomes, we highlight the significance of establishing boundaries and creating a sacred space for your union to prosper. The conversation gets real as we share personal stories that shine a light on the struggle for independence and the importance of building your own traditions. We're not tiptoeing around the tough topics either; we confront the raw issues of loyalty, trust, and the thorny path to forgiveness in the aftermath of betrayal. Witness how understanding, transparency, and a steadfast belief in each other can mend the deepest of rifts.
As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, we reflect on the protective instincts of parenthood and the beauty of an imperfect partnership. We believe in the transformative power of sharing experiences and invite you to be part of this ongoing dialogue. Much like this conversation, your marriage is an ever-evolving masterpiece painted with strokes of love, loyalty, and respect. Join us, and let's continue to foster marriages that are not just enduring but exuberant in their love.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
Welcome to Marriage in Real Life.
Speaker 2:Yes, welcome welcome.
Speaker 1:All right, well, I'm Eric.
Speaker 2:And I'm Boss Lady P.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we are back for Marriage in Real.
Speaker 2:Life, absolutely Yay, I'm happy to be back.
Speaker 1:You're happy to be back.
Speaker 2:I am. Last session was so awesome. I'm excited about. You know how this one's going to go, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, good, good, good, good. Well, again, we want to just welcome you for joining us. I really want to say you know you could have been doing something else. I always say that. You always say that I know hey, people, can you know we got? You know, got people watching with us even right now. I want you to tell us where you're watching from so we can give you a shout out yeah, tell us where you're watching from. But you know people could be doing anything, you know, and so they decided to take time out to either listen to us on the podcast or watch us tonight live. So you know, I just always appreciate people whenever they take out their time to do something with me, right?
Speaker 2:I know I appreciate it too, because it's a lot of things that you could be doing this beginning of the week. You're trying to get your mind right so you can get through these 40 hours. So, yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming, you know, especially you came out of a long, hot, Holy Ghost-filled service from yesterday and you still need a little sleep. You had to go in and clock in with your man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know so, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:so we do appreciate you taking the time and the opportunity to sit with us and just hang out with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know, weekends go by fast, they do, they go by fast. You know, you get off on Friday, you got traffic, and then you got all day, saturday and Sunday, you know. Then all the next thing you know, man, it's back to go to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, especially if you get your Sunday nap. You know you got to get your Sunday nap. Now you got to get your Sunday nap. So we see that Jordan and Malika and Muffin is watching right, hey, y'all All right, and we know.
Speaker 3:Ferg from North Carolina, jv of North Carolina is watching.
Speaker 1:Hey Ferg. So we thank God for each and every person that is watching with us tonight. So you know, as we often say, what you know what transpired these last two weeks that we've been here, you know been on this podcast, and so what's up? You know your face looking all like I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm trying to remember we were. Yeah, well, last weekend we were pretty productive around the house.
Speaker 4:Uh-huh, right right, right right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the dryer was broken. Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I'm not about that. Yeah, the dryer broke, we're back in business.
Speaker 1:now we're back in business, you know, and we're going to run that washer until it die out. I'm telling you, man, I know it's… it don't match, it don't match, it don't match. But hey, we're gonna run the dryer until it falls. I mean, yeah, the dry is good, we're gonna run the wash until the the, as I say, the wheels fall off. Okay, okay, all right, what else do we do? Well, I would say, uh, say amai is clapping, all right. So ferg says, uh, happy, happy mother's day. To my beady too. We was getting ready to talk about that too for her, because yesterday was mother's day. So we want to say happy, happy, belated mother's day to all of the mothers. We want to say happy belated, you know, because you know, I know y'all had a good time.
Speaker 2:I had a great time and I have to. I was in a zone of a nap when you called, so I'm so sorry I missed your call, but I knew you was calling to tell me Happy Mother's Day. Thank you, and I love you. But I put it down.
Speaker 1:Yes, she did. She put it down for her. She put it down. But, like I said, we got to get the matching set of the wash and dry. Yeah, that's all right, but your.
Speaker 2:Mother's Day. It was pretty cool, huh, it was great, excellent. I got an opportunity to take a nap, four-hour nap.
Speaker 1:Four-hour nap.
Speaker 2:Amazing. Dinner was great. I mean I just totally enjoyed watching the ladies at church receive their gifts from the men's department. It just really warmed my heart, the smiles on their faces. So yeah, it was a great day.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, good yeah, all right yeah.
Speaker 2:I was called to chime in hey Mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to cook for me On Saturday. Yeah, I thought that was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I took leftovers for lunch today and everybody in the break room was like what you got over there? I was like.
Speaker 1:I don't have enough to share oh man, it was what it was Braised brisket, braised brisket, yeah, braised brisket, it was so good, oh man, it was good to sleep, but, um, that was a failed attempt with the, with the kids. I remember those days. Yeah, I give you a shout out, marie. We appreciate you and say happy mother's day to you. Malika, who's online, and some other people who was online, was able to call our daughters and you know text our daughters and you know spiritual daughter them. You know about, you know just proud of them for being the mother that they are. You know, and you preached a good message yesterday. Give it a shout out.
Speaker 2:For the glory of God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you preached a good message. You preached a good message, man, by the good and bad mother man. That was good. You know Solomon being the wisest man and you know he's going to. Hey, I cut him in half but the mother said hey, you know what, go ahead and give it to her. That's a true mother. Like you said, they sacrificed themselves, you know, and um, so, yeah, a good good shout out. So I want to say you did a good job yesterday. So if you need to go and listen to that, go ahead and go back and go to real message. You know you'll see her. She's happy Mother's Day and got a big old picture of her. So you know that's her, alright, alright, we ready to get into tonight's topic we're talking about. You know what makes a good marriage, part two. So are you ready? I'm ready, alrighty. So let's give a hand clap for everybody and then we're going to get into our topic. Ready, all right? So let's give a hand clap for everybody and then we're going to get into our topic. Yeah, thank you. All right, we're ready to get into our topic tonight.
Speaker 1:What makes a strong marriage? You know the fundamentals of a strong marriage. Last week, just for a recap. We talked about Psalms 127. We started out says except the lord build a house, they labor in vain. That build it. Except the lord, keep the city. The watchman waketh, but in vain. So what this verse teaches us? That that that's the truth, that every endeavor in our life, unless god is in the middle of it we, you know, unless God builds it, you know we labor in vain. So it goes just to our marriage as well, to our marriages. You know that. You know we got to make sure that the Lord is in the center of our marriages. We have to make sure, you know we are. You know a we're Christian podcast about marriages. You know that's what we do. So we want to make sure that everybody who's listening, who's watching, uh, with us, that you know that jesus is the center of your marriage and not that, and because jesus is the center, that doesn't say that you're not going to have problems, that you're not going to have situations that you're not going to have. That you know because in this life jesus said he, he didn't promise us a carefree life. He said trouble is going to happen, you know, and it's going to happen individually and it's going to happen in our marriages. But with Jesus it's much easier to get over it, I know so. So we got to know that. Except the Lord builds it, you know, except they that labor, they labor in vain.
Speaker 1:And we talked about, we went to this on the fundamentals, and we went to about love In 1 Corinthians 13,. We really broke down that verb, that verse of what love is. We said love is patient, right, that, you know. Love is kind, right. We said love does not envy. You know, true love is not jealous. We don't get jealous of your mate. True love does not envy, you know, true love is not jealous. We don't, you know, we don't get jealous of your mate. True love does not boast, you know, it does not make a parade. Don't boast of what you do. I can do it better than you. We don't do that. True love is not arrogant, all right. It does not demand to be number one. So you know. So it's.
Speaker 1:You know, sometimes in a marriage, sometimes it's like I want to be the only one, you know, but you got to be able to. You know you are there, but you got to be able to the other, the other person got to be able to, you know, play basketball or do this and hang out with their friends or whatever you you are, you know Jesus is the center, you right next, but got to have enough to go around. What do you think about that? What do you mean? Enough to go around? When I say that you know, you say you know, like you got to put me above.
Speaker 1:It's like sometimes in a marriage, sometimes people want to be above Jesus. You know what I mean. They want to be that it's all about them. They're arrogant, it's all about them, but the marriage is not all about them. I got to have my job, I got my kids, I got my business, I got all this stuff. So you are there. I'm not saying that you're not priority above these things, but you're not the only thing that's in life. That's what I'm saying. All right, do you agree with that?
Speaker 2:Okay, it's got to be some type of outside thing. Yeah, it's got to be you got to have that balance, you got to have that separation.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know that separation in the daytime. You know if you want to go play basketball, go play basketball.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You need that separation of time, um, but you can't be the number one priority right.
Speaker 1:But you know that. You know that's that my mom, you remember my mom said you can't be around a person, you know, 24 hours a day you're not getting nowhere to get activated. You know, um, aggravated, aggravated, aggravated at them it will happen, all right. So love is not rude. Love is never rude, you know we talk about. Sometimes people think they confuse them being the boss, that they could be rude and that you can't do that. You know you can't do that and you can't be rude to your spouse. That's one thing you can't do. You know you can't be rude to your spouse because if you try to be rude to your spouse, your spouse is going to be rude to you. Right, you give that energy, they give it back, that's it All right.
Speaker 1:So love does not insist on its own way. True love is never selfish. It's not all about you. True love is not irritable, it's not easy to provoke.
Speaker 1:True love is thinketh, no evil. So we don't think evil of our. If we love our mate, we don't think evil of him. True love doesn't rejoice at wrongdoing. If we don't, we don't do that. And true love rejoices with the truth. Well, we said the truth will set you free, right, yes, it will. Truth will set you free and and honest. You know, you got to be honest. True love is honest and we said last week, it is better to hear the truth from your spouse than to hear it from somebody else. Absolutely, it is better to hear it from your spouse because you don't want to hear, uh, the truth from somebody else, and your spouse is there because you know what you're going to say. Why didn't you tell me why I had to hear from somebody? Yeah, why did I have the ears, you know, for somebody else? So we want to make sure that you know that true love, that we be truthful with our spouse. So that was about one of the foundations that we did.
Speaker 1:The next foundation that we're going to really talk about tonight is loyalty. All right, loyalty. You have to be loyal to your spouse. You have to be loyal to your spouse. You have to be loyal to your spouse. This is what Ephesians 5 and 31 says. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. All right. So that's the law of leaving and cleaving. That's what it is we should be. Leaving and cleaving, that's what it is. We should be leaving and cleaving. There's one thing, a few things are more devastating to a marriage than a failure to leave and cleave.
Speaker 2:I agree with that. I agree. I come across a lot of women who their husbands especially the women that I have had this conversation with were women from the islands, caribbeans, where their, their husbands, is completely connected to the mother, like to the point where the mother is literally ruining, um, the marriage, not so much the father, but it's like he married her and and mom's over there on the side, because she's making directions, she's making plans, she's really helping him tear the marriage apart and he don't realize it because this is mom. You know, you know how you know boys, I told you you didn't ask me to marry him when he was four.
Speaker 2:You know they.
Speaker 2:They really have a connection with their mothers right right, I find that um with those young ladies that that was something that they were dealing with. As far as those husbands actually leaving, you know, even in a few um counseling sessions that we've had, that's been one of the main issues that those, those young men, I don't know what it is that the mothers do to them to make them. You know they want to be a priority, to the point where these women are so stressed out, you know, and it's really unfair Right.
Speaker 2:It really is because your loyalty should be to that woman that you plan to spend the rest of your life with and help rear children and help build a future and a foundation. You know, and if you know, that if that young man will put God in the center of it, he will put his mom in her place politely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean that's that's, that's what it is. Yeah, I mean, that's that's, that's what it is, it should be. You know, I thank God for our mothers. You know that they didn't, they didn't interfere with our marriage at all, and I think that's how it should be. You know, because, look, you are supposed to a man and should be leaving his mother and his father, right? And and the word join when they be be come, joined together, that mean you be glued together. All right, you can't. You can't have all these different type of glues, right? I can't be glued to my mom and glued to to my wife. I can't do that. I can't be glued, I have to be glued to my wife. Because this is one thing I understand, this is one thing I was telling.
Speaker 1:Somebody says look, my family now is me and you right, it's almost like my mother and my father. They are my external family. Because now I have, god has allowed me to create this immediate family. I'm not saying I'm not going to throw you away, I'm not going to say I'm not going to call you, I'm not going to say that, but one thing, one thing you're not going to do, you're not going to interfere with my marriage. That's number one, and you're not going to disrespect my wife. You can't disrespect my wife. And number three I just I have to be with my wife. I have this is my wife. We have to start. We have to start traditions together. So, yeah, the tradition may be that in our family growing up that we used to, every Christmas, come and trim the tree. Well, now that I'm married, mom, I can't come on every Christmas and trim the tree. Right, because now me and my wife got to come up with our own traditions. We can come sometimes and be there, but we're not going to be there every Christmas. And you can't get mad at my wife, because that's the first thing happens.
Speaker 1:A lot of times the mothers get mad at the wife when it normally be the husband. They're saying, well, I don't want to go, you know, let's start our own thing. But the first thing they want to do is get mad at the daughter-in-law. She don't want you to come over, you know. And then when, when you're trying to respect your mom, you you know what I mean you don't want to, you don't want to say no, it ain't her, or whatever like that, you know.
Speaker 1:So you have that, that tension going on, and so that's why, as parents, the one thing we have to do as parents is step back and let and say look, I would like for you to come, you know. Maybe you know once, I look, I would like everybody to be this. Whatever holiday it is, y'all can do whatever y'all want to do, just one this year. I just like y'all to come home, you know, and you can't get mad at one of don't come, you know. But if all of them make a, you know, if everybody make an effort and one don't come, you know and say wait, why you can't come. Okay, but we, we got to keep moving. You know what I mean. But a parent must stay out of their um, can't be every day involved into a marriage. Now, if the children call for advice, then that's you. You, you give advice, but you can't be in it because it's all about leaving and Cleveland Also other family members as well?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Gotta stay out of it. You gotta stay out of people business. I was counseling a couple and I said to them I said look, whatever y'all do in your house, that's what you do in your house, you know. Don't let nobody else tell you how to do in your house. Don't let culture tell you how your marriage should be. You know what I mean. If the word of God says how it should be, that's what you follow. That is exactly what you follow. Culture will tell you.
Speaker 1:You will have many pastors, will tell you different things and they're telling them off of their personal thing. They're not even telling you off of the Bible. They're telling you you should do this and you should do that. And some of them again, like with the Bible, you bring your own worldview into it. You know how you grew up and how you saw your family and how you did it. So now you bring it in. Oh well, family and how you did it. So now you bring it in. So well, the wife's, all she's supposed to do is she's supposed to work, she's supposed to clean. But hey, look now, these days you need two incomes, unless you got a great job. You know you got a great job and then you know, but still you know. So that's all about leaving in Cleveland. You know what I mean. We got any comments.
Speaker 2:No, we do have a comment from Ferg that I thought was very interesting. It says love only cares about love. All the other things we were listening is that all other things you're listening is our own added selfishness oh man I hope people can really learn to love, and that is so true. You know you gotta learn to love without conditions oh man, you can't put stipulations on your love.
Speaker 2:You either love of you or you don't. Wow, you know you can't waste your time as well as the other person who you saying that you love when you truly don't. You know love them because if you know love, when you love you put yourself second wow, love is not selfish love is not selfish, but j Jesus did.
Speaker 2:He said you know what I love y'all so much that I am going to this cross, as much and as bitter as this cup is. My love for you has no conditions, it's unconditional. I'm going to put myself second for you, and if Jesus did it for us, we should be able to do it for each other, especially when we say that the Lord brought us together, when we say that I knew this was my husband, because the Lord picked him out of the flower bed, out of all of the others. You know you have that love. You know, ferg, you are so right. Love is just love, you know, and it that love. You know, ferg, you are so right. Love is just love, you know, and it only cares about that. So when you go into any type of relationship, you can't go in with stipulations, because if you got stipulations then it's not for you.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's not for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. Like I said, she had to cleave financially. You know from my father before I got married, otherwise it would have been a mess.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow, wow. That's deep right there, daughter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's deep.
Speaker 2:It is because, you know, I can only imagine, and then that also go to back to these ladies, that I won't say counsel but I talk to. That also go back to the way that they would say either. Because, like on one of the young ladies, when she came to this country she was seven, I think she was eight, and her parents didn't speak English, so she took care of everything I can imagine at eight years old balancing the checkbook, making sure the bills are paid and making sure that.
Speaker 2:So she was completely consumed by taking care of her family and her family business. So I can imagine it as well. As one of them said to her her her husband did it for for his parents, so imagine trying to get him away from his mama right right you know, imagine so yeah, okay, all right, let me see.
Speaker 1:Uh, she's so relieved that that our son didn't propose to his girlfriend today. Oh, you know, I know, I know how she was um with that. She, you know, you know, you know, sometimes as parents, we, we, you know, we're giving our kids advice and we pray about it. We try to get everything, but it's ultimately up to their decision and we're going to love them regardless. You know, we're not going to say, you know, in essence, I told you so or anything like that. And I know she had some, you know some, you know the non, I don don't think. I don't think, I don't think, especially when he was making a decision to do something else and time, and you look at that. So I'm glad that he did listen and put that off. Well, for right now, yeah, kudos to you, mom.
Speaker 2:I had to let my baby go 23. He said, mom, I'm marrying this woman I love. I was like but Jordan, you're so young, you've never dated anyone else. And my son turned to me and he said you know what, mom, when you know the one, you know the one. And I was like, oh okay, okay, I said, eric, do something. Yeah, you did. You did say do something.
Speaker 1:I tried to talk to him Eric, do something. I said Eric, do something. Yeah, you did. You did say do something. I tried to talk him, eric, do something. I tried to talk him Just wait, you know, wait a little bit, you know, but you know. So I mean they made it out. She also said she's selfish and I'm not ready to let go of my boys, girl.
Speaker 2:I feel you on that one. I wasn't ready to let my baby go with go with.
Speaker 1:You know, the, the woman that I handed him off to is amazing and I think that's it. I think that's it. I'm not gonna discuss my cuz business. You know what she discussed with me. But sometimes when you looking at the person, that they're really, that they're getting ready to leave and cleave you for you. You know what I mean. Because that person is leaving.
Speaker 1:If that person, if you got some, you know, got some things in the back of you, and that Holy Spirit is kicking you and saying no, no, no, no. You know, I mean at first because it's your son, it's your daughter and you, like, you know all things. But when that Holy Spirit really kick in, you know what I mean. And but if that Holy, when that Holy Spirit really kick in, you know what I mean and that Holy Spirit really kick in, it'll be like uh-uh, no, no, no, no, because again you're getting ready to hand. You know, like for me, I'm walking my daughters down the aisle and I'm telling the priest. He's saying who going to give this away? I'm giving it away If I'm going to give my daughters away.
Speaker 2:That joke better be good. So look at what Ismael said. I like that. She said they aren't gone forever, just a different dynamic. And that is so true. It's like I see him. When I look at him, I'm like, oh, mom, mommy's little man is a dad, a father, a husband. Wow, you know, it's like a father, a husband. Wow, you know, it's like it's a whole different dynamic. But he also, let me know, this is my wife. You're not going to cross my wife, you're not going to disrespect my wife. And I'm pretty sure he shared the same with her, you know, and that was something that he never had to worry about because we so cool, we so cool.
Speaker 4:We so cool, I love her.
Speaker 2:Furry said my wife is first and good parents understand that. My mom tested me to see what I would do. 20 years old Furry said mom, if you are trying to make me choose, don't do it because you're going to lose. You're going to lose and she said I was just checking to see you know what. She was just checking to see where your heart was. And that's a good mom, you know. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, Loyalty.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You got to be sincere and you got to be loyal to that person. You got to be willing you know how you got to be willing to do that for better, for worse, and sickness and health and then to death do us part. You got to be in there. Those words are just not there, just so you can recite them. Those words have so much meaning behind them and it all comes down to that commitment, that loyalty, that honesty, that communication right you know you can't have a successful marriage without having those things and respect for one another.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, all right. So when we get back to the leaving and the Cleveland leaving and the Cleveland, you want a?
Speaker 2:Cleveland on me. You're going to try it with me.
Speaker 1:Oh man, all right. So in 1 Corinthians 13 and 7, this is what it says about the characteristics of true loyalty All right. When it talks about love, it says love bears all things, believes all things, hope all things and do all things. So what does loyalty do? Loyalty bears all things. Loyalty, even when things are tough. It doesn't walk out on a day of trouble, right?
Speaker 2:It's just so true because there's gonna be trials and tribulations, you're gonna go through ups and downs because you're constantly growing. You know, when we got married we were what?
Speaker 1:25 25 yeah 20, yeah, 25.
Speaker 2:it's a lot that we didn't know about marriage. There's a lot that we didn't know about commitment, you know, and it was a lot that we didn't know about marriage. It was a lot that we didn't know about commitment, you know, and it was a lot that happened that we could have. Yeah, in our separate ways.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, we, we've been that way, we, it was, like you know, we could have went our separate ways, but loyalty bears all, we're all things. You stick through it, we, we, we tell people all the time, especially when it comes down to marriage. Marriage is a covenant, right? Marriage is not a contract, a contract. You can amend the contract, you can tear up a contract, and what does a contract do? If you don't like what the other person that you signed the contract with you take them to court, right? So what happens? That's what happens with some people who don't understand about this being a a covenant. They take their spouse to court and get a divorce, right. So they they going into marriage as a contract. Marriage is not a contract, it's a covenant.
Speaker 1:And you're the one, no, you know again, I was, I was, uh, married, and I was when I was young, and I, I tell you this, I was 16, right, and I was forced to get married. I did not want to get married, right? So when I say that you're the one that walked down there, if you're not forced to walk down there, right? You know, come on, you got to make it work, you got to make it work. Now, I'm not saying, and believe us when we say we're not saying that you're supposed to stay there through abuse. You know, physically, emotionally, all that abuse. You don't stay there If he hitting on you. No, uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no. You know, and I know we got some people who got the Bible thumping and all that kind of stuff and want to tell you, oh, you can't get divorced because somebody hitting on you, you're abused. You got to stick through it. That's not a part because Jesus said the only way you can get divorced is adultery. But also Paul was saying you supposed to love your wife and if you don't love as Christ loved the church, christ never abuses his church, never.
Speaker 1:And if a man or a woman start abusing you, you have all right to to say make a decision, says you know what. I can't live with a man that's gonna abuse me because he's not loving me as Christ loved the church. Right, right, right. You can't do that. I can't live with a woman who's abusing me because she's not loving me. She's not doing that, she's not respecting me. So I got to step out, you know, because God never wants us to be in a really bad situation where we get abused.
Speaker 1:Right, because we can't if we're being abused. That means we can't go out and be true disciples with kingdom authority to go out and tell somebody about the goodness of Jesus. How can we go and tell somebody about the goodness of Jesus and we getting beaten or whatever at home? We can't do that. We can't do it. So you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not into that staying there. So, but love bears all things and when we say all things and when we say all things, that means you know, if you got, if you're going through some financial problems, hey, we're gonna stick it out. We're gonna write this budget, we're gonna do you know whatever. Uh, we got, you know problems in this way. We're gonna stick it out, we're gonna bear all things, not you know, not the craziest things, you know. I want people to understand that, not the beating and all that kind of stuff, not the the. You know, if you're constantly spinning, we're going to work it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, no more technology stuff, no iPads, notepads, well, no more pocketbooks. Okay so, moving right along, moving right along, and you are so right.
Speaker 1:No more team. What team?
Speaker 2:Let's not go there. Okay, you know what I was talking about. You made me lose my train of thought Ah.
Speaker 1:Major League Baseball train of thought Ah good.
Speaker 2:You know what? I have to go back and read 1 Timothy, because I can't remember exactly what chapter in 1 Timothy, but it talks about emotional abuse to your wives and forcing favors on your wife. It talks about that and I was like wow, because I always thought that adultery was the only grounds. But then when he says you can't emotionally abuse them, you have to love them as Christ loved the church, and it goes to I'm going to find that scripture and I'm going to put it in the comments tomorrow. But I was really. It was really amazing to me because growing up in church it was always taught you know that you stick with this man, you stick and thin, no matter what. You don't leave him, you stay right there. You know, and it brought us to that conversation about you know, joining them. Sunday school teacher house Used to cry all the time every Sunday and he was like, how was church? Well, it was good, but if Sister Van cried?
Speaker 2:She needs to stop crying, sister Van cried every Sunday and I was like, oh my God. We found out later that Sister Van was getting, you know, knocked around at home, you know, and she was sticking it out, but you know. So, no, you know. And vice versa. Don't belittle your husbands. Don't make them feel insignificant, don't make them feel like they're not a king, you know. Don't make them feel, you know, like they. They doing you a favor.
Speaker 2:Oh man You're doing me a favor because I can survive without you. You know we had it. Comes a time when you know we have to survive without them, but don't make them feel like they're worthless, like you don't need them. Wow because no matter how much money I have in the world, I'm gonna need my.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna need my pumpkin oh, I'm glad you're gonna need me, baby. I'm gonna be there for you too. I'm gonna be there, pumpkin. Oh, I'm glad you're gonna need me, baby. I'm gonna be there for you too.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be there for you, no matter how successful I am, I'm gonna always you know need you right, hey look, I tell you what you know money can buy.
Speaker 1:You can try to buy you somebody to to lay outside you, but they can't be your companion and they won't love you. They won't love you. I'd rather be loved, alright. So we said that love beareth all things and love believeth all things. So what does loyalty do? When we talk about loyalty, loyalty believes in one's mate, it trusts them. I believe in you, not that I'm saying that, I believe everything you're saying, especially if we're having a problem. You got that cheating. I'm saying you.
Speaker 2:I mean because you gave me that look.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I know you ain't going to find nobody better than me.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay now. But you know what Sometimes women get to, the sometimes men have pushed women to the edge where we don't trust you. Now, I'm not one that like I'm not going to go.
Speaker 1:Oh, you don't think men, you don't think women do that too. Huh. Yeah, I guess, all right, all right. So you getting all animated about what, what, what, I'm just saying because I mean, okay, so read that last one about that.
Speaker 1:Believe it. Loyalty believes in one's mate. I believe in you. I believe that you will succeed. I believe you know not that I'm saying. I believe that everything you're saying that's what I'm saying. But I believe in you. I believe in you. But the last part say it trusts you, and so you. You were saying that sometimes men push y'all to the point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because sometimes you know what I'm saying, you know?
Speaker 1:I got to hear this it's a woman's intuition.
Speaker 2:We know when something just ain't right, and not that we look for it. Sometimes we'll be like huh, hmm. So now we got that thought, we're going to start paying attention to detail. And let's say, for instance, he cheat. And so she said you know what? I'm going to forgive you. We're not going to let this distraction from the enemy come in and ruin this relationship. We're going to come back together. We're going to mend this broken fence. We're going to mend this broken fence. We're going to mend this broken fence Right, but a trust.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, a man has to build a trust because he's the one that cheated. She ain't forced him to cheat. He's the one that cheated and he has all right If they say they're going to work on it. He has to build a trust and he can't get mad when his wife is saying, hey, where you going, or let me see that phone, or just because look, let me put a track on yeah, yeah, you know what, if, if, if he really loves his wife, you know, and he, and he said, you know what that's?
Speaker 1:that's just I, I fail, I fail, you know, um, and I really I really do love you, and and wife says, ok, all right. So, hey, I'm, in order to trust you, we're going to have to build this trust back up and she may come and say you know, let me see your phone. What do you want to see? My phone? No, no, no, no, it's not what you want to see, my phone. You got to build a trust. So, hey, you shouldn't have nothing to hide on the phone. Anyway, you know my code. I ain't got nothing to hide. You know my code, so I ain't got nothing to hide on there. You know when you going. Hey, I'm just going out here with the fellas, you know, okay, all right. And he has to build the trust. So she would see, okay, and after a while she'll calm down and she'll say, ok, I see, and you're not, and you have to play for the long game. It may be two or three years down the road. Hey, let me see that phone. You don't trust me yet.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 4:OK, so let me flip the script on you?
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, it's, you know. Let's say it's the wife. Why men aren't so forgiving when it come down to this? If it's the wife, why men aren't so forgiving when it come down? Let's say, fence. The wife went out there and she said yeah, you know whatever, she went out there and she cheated. Men aren't as forgiving at starting over and men in the fences as women are. Why? Why is that?
Speaker 1:guys, y'all gonna have to help me out on this one.
Speaker 2:Y'all gonna have to help me out, you know let me just talk about trust, because it goes both ways, right. Right, it goes both ways, you're right.
Speaker 2:Uh, women, we find, let's say, for instance, you know, we have a, a weak moment I don't even know how to put it, because we don't cheat, but we have a weak moment, or we have. We just overwhelmed with life and everything is going with the kids and we need some me time and we meet casanova because, you know, the devil coming, coming to steal, kill and destroy and boom, it happens. Okay, he don't mean nothing, he was just really being used. I'm just saying he don't mean nothing oh, oh Lord, this is good.
Speaker 1:Where is this going?
Speaker 2:But when it come back, if I come back and I, okay, so let's say it's us. So I'm coming back to you and I said you know, this guy won't leave me alone. I had an affair Da da, da, da da. Are you willing to forgive? But why is it the double standard, why we're?
Speaker 1:done. Like Forrest said, it's our ego. Plain and simple, it's our ego.
Speaker 2:Ladies, okay, hey, don't y'all cheat.
Speaker 1:Look at this. This is reality. This is reality, right? Reality is that there is no man better get into my baby.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 1:That's a bunch of nonsense, because we don't want another woman jumping on our man either, I know, but that's the way the men, that's the way men are.
Speaker 2:That's not fair and that's wrong and it's a double standard, because if we could forgive you guys and men that fence and start over, y'all should be able to forgive us and men that fence and start over Loyalty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's where Christ comes in. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:All right In the center of it right.
Speaker 1:That's why we got to have Christ, you know, because only Christ can override a man's ego. Right, am I right, ferg? Only Christ can override a man's ego. I'm seriously, though. Seriously. Only Christ can, even in the women issue, even a woman, only Christ can do that. You know what I mean. Only christ can say for a woman to forgive a man and a man to forgive a woman, when we realize that it's a covenant thing, you know, would you want to check my phone every time I walk out?
Speaker 2:no, because I'm gone but when you come back, I won't, you, you're gonna toss me out, so it won't be no building, rebuilding and relaying the foundation and retrying to do it, you know. So I think, like if the shoe was on the other. I think because because, um, as women, we, we, um, we're such nurturers and we always want a forgiving heart.
Speaker 1:That are good. Yeah, y'all do have a forgiving heart, y'all do. But but, you know, but, and I think some men and I'm putting some men, not all men when I say some men some men take advantage of women's forgiveness.
Speaker 2:And they cheat again and again and again.
Speaker 1:Not that they cheat again and again, I'm just saying just period. Some men take advantage of women's forgiveness because y'all have a compassionate heart and you again. That's why we start. I know we kidding and we whatever, but that's why we started. Unless the Lord builds a house, man, he has to be in the center of this thing. Absolutely he has to be in the center. I totally agree. All right, so we got Rob said yeah, he was with me. A hundred, he know about the men First, men have, men have forgiven, but most can't get to that point. All right.
Speaker 2:Sparkle say only Christ, amen.
Speaker 1:Only Christ, only Christ.
Speaker 2:All right, maybe shout up in the glory of God Only by his grace.
Speaker 1:It's only by his grace that we forgive too Right. Because we got to understand too is that you know, if Christ forgive us, then we have all right to forgive Some things. I mean, some things are so hard to come back from Right, and you got to have two people willing to work on it. You got to have one that's saying I'm willing to forgive and you got one that says I'm going to work on it because I need to be forgiven Right. And if you don't have that that combination, then the marriage is null and void, especially when it comes down to cheating. It's null and void. So you got to have the person who is willing to accept that. You know what I need to be forgiven Right. And you know it's not like. It's not like how Christ.
Speaker 1:We don't have to work for forgiveness for Christ, because Christ already paid it. But in our one to one relationship we're going to have to work. We're going to have to make sure our mate can trust us with everything. You know that, hey, where you going, this is where I'm going, or whatever, and how long it takes, Because sometimes people will get mad oh man, it's taking too long. This happened two years ago, but you don't know how bad it hurt that person. And I think that's the problem that we have with man cheating and women cheating, Because we don't realize how bad we hurt our spouse. If we ever catch hold to how bad we hurt our spouse, we wouldn't cheat, we wouldn't do those things because it really hurts.
Speaker 2:It does, it hurts. If you could feel the pain that you caused that person like, literally feel it, the empathy of that pain, you'll be so broken that you brought that type of pain to that person that you say you love. You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself for bringing that type of pain on that person. So that's you know. Let's see, here we got some. It's made to say for years. Let's see here we got some. It's made to stand. For years, women were taught to stay with the man, no matter what he does, especially for financial reasons. However, I don't believe that rules apply today, absolutely it do not. It do not. You know that movie I Can Do Bad All by Myself. It do not. She said the bombers and the older will tell you to stay. The new generation will engage you too.
Speaker 1:They will engage you to leave Right, be like. That's why you and I'm pretty sure she's talking about cheating or abuse. That's why that's why it's only Christ and that's why you got to be careful who you're telling your business to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Because certain people, if they're not Christians and they haven't been through something, like she said, the young will say you know what, Just go ahead and leave, you don't need that. But a Christ-like person that understands you, know a marriage, understand being a Christian, understand that. Hey, you know what. And ask the question are you willing to forgive? If the first thing the person says to you go ahead and leave, then that's not the right person to text. The first thing the person should be saying you know, have you prayed about it? What has Christ told you to do? You need to follow Christ. I'm going to pray with you, just work. You know what. You know.
Speaker 1:Now, if he beating on you, come on, come on to my house. That joke ain't that joke ain't messing with you because he at my house. I don Right, we're going to talk. You know whatever and what are you willing to do? Are you willing to forgive? And these are the things. If you're willing to forgive now this is going to be the issues and sit down and explain If you're willing to forgive. This is what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:So what if you're willing to forgive but you're scared? You're scared that you're going to put yourself in such a vulnerable place where, if it happened again, you don't want to look stupid, you don't want nobody thinking you stupid. You know what I'm saying you, you, you can forgive, but then you got you. We keep in the background mind, like you know I, it's hard, it's just hard to trust. But most women, they, they get in there and they do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, like Sparkle said, only Christ, amen, only Christ, only Christ can do this, because by yourself, it would constantly be in the back of your mind, by yourself, you won't forgive. By yourself, no, no, no, no, no. You won't do it because you, you remember the time that he abused, you remember the time that he did it, you wanted to. You know that if you're willing to give another another chance and you have a prayer partner, a couple that's working with you, right that's, that's standing by your side, and you have told them and, like I said, you don't tell any and everybody, because certain people are waiting for the downfall of your marriage.
Speaker 2:You better say that you better say that that is so true.
Speaker 1:Certain people out there are waiting for the downfall. No matter how much they go and like your videos, no matter how much they go and like your videos, they back in the background, talking, talking about you, you know, saying all of these kinds of things, and and they're waiting for the opportunity to talk about you and say, look see there, I'm glad you see. I told her that they ain't all that, they ain't all this, and so that's why you got to be careful of who you tell your business to and who you trust to say your business, that your business is not going across the street, is not going nowhere, is not going on. Social media is not there, Because certain people are out there and it may be some family members that are waiting for your marriage to fail so they can talk about you.
Speaker 2:And usually it's the family members, to be honest, talk about you. And usually it's the family members, to be honest, ferg says, men's ego even prevent them from humbling themselves to God himself. Look at church membership it's always more women whom don't have issues humbling themselves. Amen, ferg, I agree with that. The church is filled with women and then they want to shut women down and say women shouldn't preach or teach, or you know, I don't know. And the church is filled with women.
Speaker 1:Melissa says she said this. They come here. Wives will also self-abuse mental, physical, emotional and financial in the excuse of religion. Ooh, that's deep, right excuse of religion.
Speaker 2:Ooh, that's deep right there, cousin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, religion does that, religion does that. And so you know, uh-uh, no, all right, we got to move. All right, so bear with all things. So we talk about the trust. Also, what it does is that, um, loyalty, never, loyalty never looks for the worst in a, in your spouse, but only believes the best. I agree with that. All right, we agree with that. I always look for the best. You know, we, we don't look for the worst, we look for the best in there. There's, there's something, even though something may not, you know, maybe finances, maybe this, maybe that, whatever it is. You know, communication, you know you don't communicate like this person, you don't communicate, but you look for the best in it. But you do do this, you know. So we're going to work on the communication. All right, all right. So loyalty endures all things. Loy, all right. So loyalty endures all things. Loyalty endures all things.
Speaker 1:What does loyalty do? And we talked about it. Loyalty sticks it out. Loyalty does not abandon the fort. And first, we know this this is, you know, with the military, Loyalty we don't abandon. I'm loyal to Marines, I'm loyal to, don't abandon. I'm loyal to Marines, I'm loyal to my brothers and I'm loyal to my country, so I don't abandon my post, I stick it out. So what, I am, I'm loyal to my wife and I'm not abandoning her. And the times maybe get troubled, the times maybe get crazy. That's why, man, we've talked about this and we've told people this testimony the time was working for a church and let go, and you know it was all craziness, but we were at a point of being homeless. We had a point of being homeless and loyalty is that we stuck together.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:We stuck. I mean we stuck together. I mean I wanted to send you, but you know you say you wouldn't. But that's loyalty, that we're going to stick it out. You know what I mean. We're going to, we're going to do this thing together when we come out, we're going to come out together. Not one of us did it, but we, we do not abandon the fort. We do not abandon the fort, All right. All right, it's 822. All right, I hear you, Fer, Hoorah, Hoorah, oh, that's it. That's the Marines. That's the Marines. We don't do like them. Army guys I don't know what they do. And the Navy Air Force I don't know what they do, but you know we get deep down. I didn't want to get too deep, you know, while we're on this thing here, but yeah, so that's what you know loyalty. So we got foundation of a marriage. You got to have love and you got to have loyalty.
Speaker 1:Next time we're going to talk about is respect. We're going to talk about respect. You know what. What did what? Did that rapper say Put some respect on my name, Some respect on my name? You didn't say respect, he's a respect, you know. So you know we put respect on the marriage. That's what we're going to do. We want to put respect on the marriage. All right, so, all right, so, all right. So we thank God for all the comments. Amen, Everybody who chimed in tonight.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if y'all want to call in, we're going to go right into our call in information where you can call in and, you know, just be a part of the conversation or you can type it in yeah, you can call in or type it in, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:However you want to do it, but the number is 754-222-2219. Let me get that up there so everybody can see it and they can come in and be with us. They can dial 754-222-2219. Hey, I'm like a bird man, so yeah, so the number is 754-222-2219. If you want to just call in with some comments, if you have some comments or anything like that, you can call in and we'd love to talk to you, no matter where you are at. We want to, you know. I mean, I like, I like the, the chats.
Speaker 1:Yeah but I like, I like to talk to people too.
Speaker 2:I do enjoy the chat. I do enjoy the conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it is just so true. You know there's so many different ways in life you can address this loyalty and respect and love in your marriage. You know it's not going to be perfect. Just know that If you got married thinking this is going to be perfect, oh, you in for a rude awakening.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir.
Speaker 2:You know you don't want things to always be perfect. I used to tell Eric all the time I say you know what, if everything is out, if we go through life with everything being good all the time, how are we going to know it's good if we don't have some bad times?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You got to go through something and going through it and having a relationship and building a foundation makes you appreciate the love even more. Like you know I don't know if you guys watch In Living Color and it was this couple, you know- it was In Living Color, it was this couple on there. I can't remember. I know one was David, I think it was David Allen or something like that, david Allen Greer. And one of the Kim Wands. Kim Wands and no of the Kim Wayans.
Speaker 1:Kim Wayans.
Speaker 2:And no matter what they did, they always say, but we still together. That's it, you know no matter what they went through. They would be telling each other all the time she would be throwing food on the table for them or whatever. But no matter what they always say. But we still together. That's the goal right there for marriages to stay together and work through the hard times, because the hard times are going to make the good times so much better.
Speaker 1:All right, we got to call her babe. We got to call her Mm-hmm, we got to call her.
Speaker 2:I didn't miss her, Ma Okay Hi.
Speaker 1:Hey Malika, how you doing? How?
Speaker 2:is Malika Mm-hmm. Hey daughter love, hey, my love. Hey, I'm doing good, that's good. Am I still up?
Speaker 3:She has good news for y'all she has her canine teeth.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:She's going to start biting you.
Speaker 3:She's already there. She's going to take an actual bite out. But I was just going to expound on what I had mentioned earlier about the cleaving and leaving. But um, yeah, I just saw that like I was very dependent at the time that I got engaged to my father financially and and, just like you know, our finances were mixed and I'd say like that was like the first exercise of trust you know going into my marriage is just trusting that God's going to be able to provide for me and I'm not going to need to fall back on my father anymore.
Speaker 3:And that I could trust that my husband and I can take care of things, and there was also a general, like obvious fear of, like, my parents being very upset with me for that, although my mom was on my side but my father was very upset, but that was one of the things I had to be willing to sacrifice. Is, like you know, is his feelings, or is my husband's feelings, more important about, you know, our moving forward financially and getting married. So it is a very big thing to really consider. I know a lot of people consider it from, like, the emotional front, but I know women run into this more with their fathers, where they're, like my dad's been taking care of me my whole life.
Speaker 3:Now I have to go trust that this man is going to take care of me. So it is a big step forward. But father is doing in that masculine role for you. Now your husband has to do it, that's exactly what I told him.
Speaker 2:I said are you going to be able to take over from where her dad leaves off Jordan? You are too young for this. Let me tell you the conversation. He was like mom, we'll be OK, and I even told you. And he was like mom, we'll be okay, and I even told you. I was like malika, he ain't had a job, don't marry somebody don't have a job and you was like, it's okay, I'll take care of him, I'll make. I was like, are they serious?
Speaker 3:eric talked to them yeah yeah we got a lot of of uh, it wasn't just you guys, it was really a lot of people who were like are y'all sure? But we were like, very sure at the time and I was just like you know, we're at this point where our relationship can't continue to stay stagnant any longer because we've been dating for five years which I know like the age we were when we got married at like 22 was very young in the grand scheme, but we had known each other for a very long time yes it was just like now the only thing is to move forward, or it we might end up losing this all together wow, wow, we'll give y'all a shout
Speaker 2:out. But I can tell you what you guys are definitely a prime example of when god is in the center of it because, I've seen you guys grow spiritually fast with each other when you guys were in college. You guys really, you know, put god first. So I, I'm, I'm grateful that that you're my kid now.
Speaker 1:All right, give her applause.
Speaker 1:Thanks for calling Thanks for calling Malika, no problem, all right, blessings, blessings, bye, look at that. Bye. All right. Hey, that was good you know.
Speaker 1:But she is right, you know, a lot of times it's hard. You know, as you said, sometimes even the mother is depending on the son financially Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, right, right. And it's hard to say. You know, sometimes you have to tell mom, mom, I can't be doing this and doing that. I have to get permission. Like, if I'm going to pay your phone bill, continuously be paying your phone bill, I have to make sure that my wife understands that I'm paying. She has to say agree with that, because that's part of the finances. You know, just simple stuff. You know that normally that you wouldn't, you know, wouldn't, do you have to let your wife know. And that's a problem sometimes, where you know that you know the son is taking care of the mom and the mom don't want that they're taking care. And you know the bad thing sometimes you know, especially if the mom is single, divorced, you know, widowed or whatever, like that she's depending on her son and sometimes the mothers don't want to let go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't want to let go.
Speaker 1:I don't know Dwayne D Dwayne said. I want to just say we got to remember communication is key, not just communication with each other, but staying in communication with God, because when you lose that, you happen to leave yourself open to the enemy you do.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:That's what you do, what you do.
Speaker 2:You said a mouthful right there you have to make him the center.
Speaker 1:And when you make him the center, what does making him the center look like? And I think maybe people don't understand that Making him the center, making him the priority, is that everything revolves around him and his authority. That you're reading his word, that you're praying, you're having devotion time, you're having time with your wife, you're going to church, you're doing all of these things where he is the center, all right, hey, we got Melissa on the line.
Speaker 2:Oh, Melissa Wright.
Speaker 1:No Cuz.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 1:Hey Cuz how you doing.
Speaker 4:Hi, cousin E hey, all right, cousin, you can listen to me, come on now, all right cancer. You can do this in your life. Come on now. Look guys, I think with me. My son told me about two months ago. He told us that he was going to propose and go to the Navy. It was a double whammy for me and it truly hit me how emotionally attached I am to my son.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 4:And I was just not ready to lose him, and I'm still not ready to lose him. In the bigger scheme of things, I need my son emotionally. Yes, I have God, yes, I have my daughter, I even have a husband, but I am not ready to lose my son to a wife and I don't know if that makes me selfish or just makes me a needy mom. I'm trying to figure this out. However, I was so happy when he didn't propose today, because today was supposed to be the date he proposed. She graduated from college today. He brought the ring a month ago.
Speaker 4:I was in your house, cousin Eric, about a month ago, near tears and telling you how I felt about all of this. So I'm just trying to figure it out. I've been praying about it. Everybody's telling me to let it go. Don't be that mom that has to hold on. He's had that conversation with me, as Jordan has had with Cousin Patsy. Mom, you know I'm going to do this and if I do it, you know if you don't get along with her, you might not be your great kid because he'll be my wife. So it's still emotional for me because I don't know when he's going to propose. I just know I don't want him to, but I don't want to be that mom and I'm just being so candid. I know we're family and I know we have everybody else on it, but I'm just so emotional just thinking about it because I still feel he's going to do it and it's any day now because, as I stated, he's already brought the ring.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm done, but you guys know what I mean yeah, I would say this bit, I would say this because one you know your son is your son and you don't want to lose. You don't want to lose contact with your son, right? That's why prayer is very important and you cover him in prayer, right, because you want to be there. If he does pick this young lady to be his wife, you want to be there, you want to share in the joy of that. I think probably the problem was it was a double whammy for you that he was going to the military, so that means he's gone and he's going to take to the military, so that mean he's gone and he's going to take a wife, so that mean he's gone again. So it was like if he was going to the military, you're good, you know not that you're good, but it's not double. And then and then again, I don't know what kind of kind of relationship you have with the young lady.
Speaker 1:As, as Pastor was saying, if you're going to give them off, you want to give them off to a young lady that you trust that's going to take care of your son, right, that you got confidence, that you know that she's not going to, she's not going to put me in between you know my son, I'm able to call him and you know, whatever like that, and she's not going to be saying you need to stop call him and you know, whatever like that. And she's not going to be saying you need to stop talking to your mom or whatever like that. Right. So I would say this trust God in it. Right, but you don't want to lose your son, or you do not want to see your, your grandkids, right. So he already done, told you, so you already know. So either, um you it.
Speaker 4:The scripture says leave and cleave and it's going to be a work in progress.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a work. It's not especially if you're really close to your son, like you say you are. It's going to be a work. It's going to be a work in progress, but it's something that has to happen because he's going to be. He's a man now. He don't graduate from college. He's a man now. He don't graduate from college. He's a man now, you know. And so you have to accept him in this day and age. Like I said, you want to be there. So don't you don't know when, but you know talk to him Even when we get off the line. Talk to him and say, hey, whenever you propose, I want to be there, so you so now you're showing him support, right, you're showing her that, hey, I'm gonna be there too.
Speaker 2:You got anything passing, yeah, and you just wanna. You don't have to do it all overnight. You can take small, tiny steps. Um, again, you don't want to push them away and I know you want to hold on to it. Trust me, I want to hold on to my baby too. Um, so I I I understand how you feel.
Speaker 2:I did do my crying alone. I did. I was like, oh my God, he's such a baby. But you know I had to understand that if I interfere, I'm not going to be able to have my little muffin. If I interfere, I'm not going to have that relationship with him, because now I'm drawing a relationship between him and his wife, because now he's being torn between my mom and my wife. So it was difficult, but it took me a minute and I took these small little steps. You know things that I understood and I always kept the line of communication open with him. So make sure you definitely do that. Let him know how you feel. You know there's nothing wrong with the way you feel You're a mom. Let him know how you feel and let him know that you know as much as I don't want to. It's going to be hard for me, but let me just do it a little bit at a time, don't rush into it.
Speaker 1:Don't rush into it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it will backfire and hurt you. I love you, cousin.
Speaker 1:All right, you know this is a religious podcast. Hold on a second, hold on a second. Heavenly Father, we just come before you right now, in the name of Jesus. Yes, lord, we lift up Melissa right now. We lift her up to you.
Speaker 1:You know the situation, you know what she's going through, you know, and so, lord, I pray that you would give her a sense of peace that will surpass all her understanding. She may not understand how you would give her peace, but, lord, give her peace. Lord, I pray that her and her son can have the open line of communication where they can talk. And, lord, we know that it's hard as parents any parent knows that it is hard to let their child go. But, lord, let her know, as she let him go, he will be what she has taught him to be the man, and that he will be all right, because many times, as parents, we worry about our children. But, lord, let her know that he will be all right. And Lord, just touch her right now and touch her son right now, that they can have this opening line of communication in Jesus name.
Speaker 1:Amen, amen, all right Thank you All, right All right, blessings.
Speaker 1:Wow, all right, anybody else? I mean it's 839. All right, anybody else? I mean it's 839. We got about five more minutes and we'll be getting off of here All right and we thank God for that. Amen. This is what it's all about Marriage in real life, because that's real, and anybody say that's not real is real, because when you have kids, you know, I don't know how I'm going to feel when my daughters come to me and say you know, you're fat, you're getting married, you're a G hooray. No, I'm going to tell you. I'm telling you they're my daughters. Man, no, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I had to do it with Jordan.
Speaker 1:I don't know, they're my girls, man, you know I understand, because nobody, I don't think nobody's gonna treat them like dad and be open. And you know, I mean, we had our, we had our times where I didn't do what I was supposed to do, you know, while he was in college or whatever. But hopefully I'm made up for it and and try to understand what they was going through. But you know it better be no moment that they call and cry, because if they call and cry, I'm getting on the flight, I'm getting in the car, you know, be like, you know, whatever. So that's why I said it has to be Jesus, it has to be Christ, because only Christ going to hold me back from going and doing what I need to do. You know what I'm saying. I'm coming with you, you coming with me, me and Betty. All right, all right, all right. Hey, we want to make sure you like and share, make sure you like, make sure, please, make sure you like and, for those who are listening on a podcast later on, make sure you give us five stars, please and give us a review. And could, if you like this video, this podcast tonight, go back on the comment after we close and say, hey, very good podcast, or you need to work on this or whatever, and we will communicate back with you. We appreciate every comment. We take every positive and every negative comment. We love them all and we just want to grow as a, as a podcast community. We really appreciate you chiming in, chiming in on online. We really really hey, the girls will find someone that's just like you watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we really appreciate you chiming in through the conversation. That's what you know. I keep telling people. You know, this podcast is all about community. We don't have all the answers. We do not have all the answers. I love that. People like Ismetha Ferg, malaika Jordan, you know, rob, everybody they chime in. You know, rob G said Betty is a good friend. I'm glad that people chime in because, again, we don't have all the answers. We don't. And so I love learning from people. Even though we've been married, you know, a long time 32 years we're still growing. We're still learning from each other and we learn from other people. You know what I mean and that's what being, you know being, about. Nobody has this marriage thing on lock, nobody, nobody. So, yeah, so we're glad that it's so All right, so we're getting ready to go, nobody. So yeah, so we're. We're glad that it. So all right, so we're getting ready to go.
Speaker 1:Please make sure you like. Just take time out right now. Make sure you like it. I know we got about 14 people. Make sure you like it. We got four. We should at least have 14 likes. We should at least have 14 likes before the end. You know, before we get ready to it off, we should have at least 14 likes and already shared. Alright, you already shared it. Alright, make sure you share. Please make sure you like, and make sure you come back and comment and say you know, sister Patsy or Patsy, you shouldn't look good in that orange.
Speaker 2:Don't say that. Ha ha ha.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So again, we thank you for joining us tonight.
Speaker 2:Dropped a lot of papers down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you sure did. You've been dropping papers and doing all kinds of stuff tonight. What's up man? Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. You guys, you're an awesome audience. I totally enjoy communicating and laughing with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've just been dropping stuff and all that kind of stuff, man what's? Been up with that awesome audience. I totally enjoy communicating and laughing with you. Yeah, you've just been dropping stuff and all that kind of stuff. Man, what's been up with that? Huh?
Speaker 2:You, alright, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:You hungry now, man? Alright, alright. Well, I guess we'll go out to eat, alright, alright? So, again, we are located on all of the podcasts. You know Apple, iheartradio, spotify. We are located on all of the podcasts you know apple, um, iheart radio, spotify. We are there. So please go back if you want to go back and listen to it and share it with your friends. We want you to to share that with us. Again, we thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1:I'm giving you the last shout out to everybody. Thank god, all right, all right. Who get who? What would Malika say? Going to get people in trouble? What's she? What's she mean about that? I don't know. All right, sparkle, we appreciate you. Tj, we appreciate you. I'm going to look at that. I think you sent me a text message and I'm going to look at that. Uh, sparkle, we love you. Um and hey, we are praying with you and we know that, know that. You know everything is going to be all right. Everything is going to be all right. So God bless you and we look forward to seeing you again.