Marriage in Real Life
Crafting a Legacy of Love Beyond the Public Eye
On our latest heart-to-heart podcast voyage, we unfurl the sails to explore the deep waters of love, life, and enduring partnerships. My wife and I celebrate her mother's surprise 75th birthday cruise while also reflecting on the dance of our 32-year marriage. We dive into the societal pressures women face around marriage and motherhood and the profound impact age and expectations have on shaping our narratives.
As we navigate the ebb and flow of married life, it's the laughter during load-shedding and the shared silence under the stars that truly bind us. Our latest conversation is a tapestry of such moments, interwoven with the spiritual threads that strengthen the union of two souls. Drawing from the wisdom of Psalms 127:1 and 1 Corinthians, we delve into the essence of a God-centered marriage and the role of love as its unwavering pillar. Love, we discover, is not just a fleeting emotion but a steadfast force that thrives on patience, kindness, and humility.
The journey of love is far from a solo expedition; it's a shared climb where the weight of ego and pride must be left at the base camp. Through personal anecdotes sprinkled with humor, we reveal the transformative power of selflessness and forgiveness, where the act of holding on to past wrongs is replaced by the grace of letting go. As we peel back the layers of what makes love endure, we touch on the intricacies of navigating financial decisions together, the art of communication without resentment, and the importance of continuous growth as a couple.
With over three decades of marriage under our belt, we understand the complexities of love and the continuous investment it demands. In this heartfelt exchange, we underscore the importance of truth, communication, and shared purpose in nurturing the garden of marriage. Reflecting on the impact of personal transformation through faith and the dynamic nature of falling in love time and time again, we share our insights and invite listeners to become part of the community that cherishes the mosaic of committed relationships. Join us, and let's celebrate the realness, the challenges, and the triumphs of love and life together.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
On our latest heart-to-heart podcast voyage, we unfurl the sails to explore the deep waters of love, life, and enduring partnerships. My wife and I celebrate her mother's surprise 75th birthday cruise while also reflecting on the dance of our 32-year marriage. We dive into the societal pressures women face around marriage and motherhood and the profound impact age and expectations have on shaping our narratives.
As we navigate the ebb and flow of married life, it's the laughter during load-shedding and the shared silence under the stars that truly bind us. Our latest conversation is a tapestry of such moments, interwoven with the spiritual threads that strengthen the union of two souls. Drawing from the wisdom of Psalms 127:1 and 1 Corinthians, we delve into the essence of a God-centered marriage and the role of love as its unwavering pillar. Love, we discover, is not just a fleeting emotion but a steadfast force that thrives on patience, kindness, and humility.
The journey of love is far from a solo expedition; it's a shared climb where the weight of ego and pride must be left at the base camp. Through personal anecdotes sprinkled with humor, we reveal the transformative power of selflessness and forgiveness, where the act of holding on to past wrongs is replaced by the grace of letting go. As we peel back the layers of what makes love endure, we touch on the intricacies of navigating financial decisions together, the art of communication without resentment, and the importance of continuous growth as a couple.
With over three decades of marriage under our belt, we understand the complexities of love and the continuous investment it demands. In this heartfelt exchange, we underscore the importance of truth, communication, and shared purpose in nurturing the garden of marriage. Reflecting on the impact of personal transformation through faith and the dynamic nature of falling in love time and time again, we share our insights and invite listeners to become part of the community that cherishes the mosaic of committed relationships. Join us, and let's celebrate the realness, the challenges, and the triumphs of love and life together.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
Welcome to Marriage in Real Life.
Speaker 2:Yes, welcome welcome welcome.
Speaker 1:Well, we're so glad to be back.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's been a minute.
Speaker 2:It's been a minute.
Speaker 1:Well, we know, you know life be happening. Yes, it does, and so life is sometimes life and sometimes we're. You know we were unable to be here, but thank God we made it through.
Speaker 2:Right, and thank you guys for coming back with us.
Speaker 1:Yes, give a shout out to all the audience. Thank you so so much. Right, yeah, yeah. So what's been happening? I mean, it's been so much happening since we've been back. One thing is, we just came back from a cruise celebrating 75 years of mom.
Speaker 2:Mom turned 75. So we took on a little cruise. She was very surprised and she was so excited. She slept a lot but she was very excited and she enjoyed her time out with us.
Speaker 1:Right, we went on, you know, with the Bahamas. Yep Took her out there, let her walk around a little bit, yeah, yeah, and not only her, but our kids came, yes, yes, everybody except for one. Mm-hmm, the family came Uncle Dwight, auntie Barbara, auntie Missy, missy, uncle Tom, yep, sparkle Dwayne, yeah, yeah, the kids. You know so it was. Fiend came, you know so it was good. I think we had what? Eight or nine rooms. Yeah, we had eight or nine rooms, wow, yeah, and Muffin Duffin. So, yeah, we had a great. We had a great time. You know, I mean, the only thing that got me was all that seeing, you know, I was like good Lord, you know, a lot of water, a lot of water. But it was a lot of us and there was a lot of just stuff just hanging out that shouldn't be hanging out. So, you know, that was the only thing. I wish mom had seen all of that. But you know, it is what it is. We can't wait to go on the next one, absolutely yeah, we can't wait to go to that. So give a shout out to all of the family that came. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:And celebrated 75 years. Still looking good. She still looks good. Yeah, she's still looking good. We'll try to get Big Papa on the next one. Yeah, good luck with that. Yeah, good luck with that. All right, well, we know, saturday Saturday, 32 years babe 32 years.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, 32 years.
Speaker 1:That's not how we get to this point. No, you know, I yeah 32 years.
Speaker 2:That's not how we would get to this point.
Speaker 1:No, you know, I never thought about 32, you know? No, I mean, I was telling I think I was talking to Wells, you know, my best friend, pastor Wells, and we were talking about ages, you know. You know, growing up, I never thought of 50. I never thought of 40 or 30. I mean, growing up, I never thought of 50. I never thought of 40 or 30. I mean the age, I never thought of those, you know.
Speaker 2:Like you never said when you were growing up, like when I get 50. No, when I get 20. No, when I get 25.
Speaker 1:No, Wow, no, I did not say that, it was just not. It was just not part of me. No, say that I, it was just not it was just not part of me.
Speaker 1:No, I was, you know. No, it was that, I guess, because I had my children when I was young and so I was, I, I didn't. I don't remember me saying, when I get an adult, you know, or whatever like that, you know, because a lot of things happened when I was young by having my children when I was young, um, moving to Pompano, fort Lauderdale when I was young, living by myself, you know, in our house up here. So it was never crossed my mind when I get an adult, or whatever like that, because at 15, 16, I was adulting, almost, you know, working and everything like that. So that never crossed my mind, you know.
Speaker 1:And so I didn't really start thinking about ages until we got I think we got married. You know, when we got married at 25. I said, man, 30? I can't wait to get 30. But then I never thought past 30, I would say I said I can't wait to get 40. I can't wait to get 50. That was never a part of mine. So when you say 32 years, look at literally, literally I've been taking it year after year at a time, year at a time. What about you?
Speaker 2:I think. A few times in my life I thought about when I turn 30, when I turn 35 oh, I'm gonna be 40 in five years. So I kind of like like I guess prematurely thought about you know, what am I going to be doing and where am I going to be? What's going to be my purpose at that time? So I did think about it and I think, as women, we think more about stuff like that than men do, because you know, growing up is like if you're not married by this age, you're old maid. If you don children by this age, you're a baron if you don't have children. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's kind of like put that in your head as a, as a young woman growing up, and you might be running out of time if you don't get this mark and you don't make that mark and you don't do this. So I think that's kind of why women, you know, know you have women saying a lot.
Speaker 1:My biological clock is ticking, right Ticking, you know so we do we, I mean, I know.
Speaker 2:As for myself, I did think about getting older and age and meeting those deadlines.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, well, you know I would say the pressure has been put on women even from the Bible days. Yeah, say the pressure has been put on women even from the Bible days. You know that. You know you got. You know you're first born, you want to. You know the man want a son, you know that's, you know. Or a woman who is barren, she is like kicked out, you know. You look at Hannah and I forgot the old girl name. You know how she was looked down and she felt down, while the other ones have a children, you know, and she was looked down and she felt down, while the other ones having children, you know, and she went and prayed and having boys, yeah, and you know.
Speaker 1:So I think the pressure has been put on women a long time about this clock ticking, being married, raising a family, doing this and doing that. You know, and I think it's.
Speaker 2:And now, these days, even added more, because you got to have a career because you need two incomes. So, yeah, it's even added more because you got to have a career because you need two incomes.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, it's a lot, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot that society put on women that is unwarranted. And then it's a lot that women put on themselves that you know that they shouldn't put on themselves because of their saying this is what other people want. You have to go with what God has for you, absolutely. I agree with that. You got to go with that. Ferg is on the line. Hey Ferg. Hey Ferg, I want to say we appreciate you, appreciate the gift, appreciate the gift. Thank you, appreciate the gift. I wanted to wait to see. I give you a loud shout out on everybody, for everybody. All right, hey, what do you say? What passy? What do you say passy? Uh, you turn 40 yet, yeah, and she, I, I don't know, for I, I, I really don't, I really don't know.
Speaker 2:I have definitely passed 40. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, see, I really don't know. Well, you got Samson say 32 years. Happy anniversary, izzy, harold and Izzy. Thank you. Hey, you guys, hey how y'all doing. Hey, yeah, yeah, 32 years.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. One more thing we got to say what hey, hey, yeah, yeah, 32 years.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:One more thing we got to say what Muffin is walking.
Speaker 1:Yes, give a shout out to Muffin.
Speaker 2:That happened.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, Muffin is walking. She's leading people around. You know she's still looking at me like I'm crazy, but you know, Muffin, muffin is muffin, yeah she is hey, marie is here. Hey Marie, how you doing? Hey, marie, marie, didn't you just celebrate an anniversary? Didn't you just celebrate an anniversary? I know I've seen some pictures. You know, wedding, I mean dinner and all this kind of stuff. Marie, hit us up.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought it was her birthday.
Speaker 1:You thought it was her birth. I thought it was her anniversary, her and her husband's anniversary, marie, tell us, hey, izzy said we look good in brown, thank you, thank you, izzy. All right, hey, marie, come on, tell us. I thought, sure that I just saw something that he, maybe it was both, maybe it was both. You think, all right, we're going to wait on her. Yeah, okay, marie, you have 32 years too.
Speaker 2:No, but I remember something, yeah, I do. Happy anniversary, happy birthday, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it might have been both. I do know this. She said through the Bible study that she's getting ready to launch a podcast or YouTube channel. She's going to be talking about the things of the day. So we want to make sure, marie, send us that information and when we on, we want to give you a shout out, you know, and tell people to watch it. All right, so yeah, so yeah, she's a anniversary, yeah, so yeah, marie, put that link in the in there so we can, we can talk about it. You know, we will do unpaid advertisement, at least for the first month. We got you All right.
Speaker 1:We're ready to get into our subject today and I want to tell everybody who's listening we don't have all the answers. We never have all the answers. And it's people like Ferg, it's people like Samson Samson's, you know, izzy and Harold is. People like Marie, is people like you know that call in Jordan and Malaika young, you know that gives, you know that really speaks. So we don't have all the answers.
Speaker 1:32 years and we still learning, right, yeah? And so, um, we got we. We got this thing that we're going to talk about the foundations of a strong marriage tonight and we may talk about some of the little things that we've been through for over 32 years. I know Ferg has been married a long time, was married a long time too, so I know Ferg and they always have them, drop them nuggets. We need to call them Ferg nuggets, all right?
Speaker 1:So tonight we're talking about the foundations of a strong marriage, the foundations of a strong marriage, and so one thing that we're going to start with is that in Psalms 127 and 1, it says that we're going to start with is that in Psalms 127 and 1, it says except the Lord, build the house, they labor in vain that build it. Except the Lord keep the city. The watchman waketh, but in vain, right. So this verse right here, teaches us you know a lot of people, you know, put it like building the churches and building and all that, but we think about the house of marriage and all that. But we think about the house of marriage except the Lord builds it. That's why I say, he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Hey, you know, the word is speaking, the word is speaking, and so unless God is the center of it, you're not going to have a strong marriage. Can I get an amen on that? Amen, all right, do you agree with that?
Speaker 2:Amen, all right, do you agree with that? Yes, well, being a Christian woman of God, I definitely feel like if God is not in the center, it's going to be some turmoil. I do know couples that have been together for years and years and years and they don't go to church. They don't serve the Lord lord. However, um, they still have a marriage, you know. So I mean kudos to them, but for me, I want the lord in the center of mind right, right right the lord.
Speaker 1:I need the lord in there yeah, I do, I, I need him, you know, because I want to make sure that I'm doing it, doing it right. You know what I'm saying and so it comes to you know. Marriage, you know, because they say 50 percent of all marriage in our nations fail 50 percent. And that does not exclude Christian marriages, marriages in the church, that is no exclusion. Christian marriages, marriages in the church, that is, it's no exclusion. And so that's why I say the Lord needs to be in the middle, because the Lord, if the Lord is in the middle and the Lord has built it, let's put it like this whatever the Lord builds ain't going to be no disbanding.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:What did he told Peter? He says look, the gates of hell should not prevail my church, the Lord has built his church. So I know we got all of these craziness people you know craziness about the church and all of this kind of stuff but the Lord built his church and the gates of hell is not going to come against it. They can try all they want to, but they didn't. So the Lord instituted marriage and if you put God first and make him the center of your marriage, the enemy will try to come.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Right, he will try to come. He will come in and he will try to disrupt it. He will try to mess it up. But if you put the Lord first, it won't happen. You know it won't happen Because if you got the Lord the center, the guy is not going to cheat. Right, if you got the Lord at the center, the guy is not going to cheat. Right, if you got the Lord, god is the center. I mean, if he really loves God, the woman is not going to cheat. And all the other problems you can work out. You see what I'm saying. So I mean you can work out those problems too, but as long as God is in the center. So I think you know it's good.
Speaker 1:And just to talk about you know you talk about marriages which both partners are not saved and they do last for many years. Some of them do, and there's nothing bad with that, that's a good thing, all right. But those marriages cannot achieve the spiritual purpose God has for marriage. Absolutely, yeah, I totally agree with that. So there's a spiritual purpose that God has for marriage. Absolutely, yeah, I totally agree with that. So there's a spiritual purpose that god has for marriages, right, and so they can't. They can. They can last a long time, but when it comes down to spirituality, they can't do it right.
Speaker 1:We got any comments on that? We, oh man, we got some oh man, we got amens and amens again and all all right. All right, marie do not. Okay, amen, all right, good to go, all right. So look, let's go, we're going to. That's just a prelude, and so this is what we're going to focus on tonight the fundamentals of a strong marriage. You're going to look at the fundamentals, all right. So there are some several non-negotiable essentials that stand as pillars in every strong spiritual marriage. And we're talking about Christian marriages now, that's right, it's some pillars, and even I mean, when you look at it, when you talk about all marriages- all right. The first one is love, I agree.
Speaker 1:All right, love conquers. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love, you know, love conquers all. Love does this thing. And now, when we speak of love, we're not talking about the kind of love that's portrayed in Hollywood.
Speaker 2:Right, love and hip hop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love and hip hop and all that. No, we're not talking about that love. We're not talking about that love. We're not talking about that love. Because you know, movies and television, they depict this love as, as you know what they picked it a lot of times, they, they depict the love as more, no, more than sexual desire. That's all you know. But I'm you know what I was just about to get preaching, boy, I'm telling. But you know, and I know that love is more than sex, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:All right, absolutely, I agree. You agree with that, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Why do you agree with that?
Speaker 2:Well, because I mean, love is not just physical. Mm-hmm. Love is emotional mentally you know, mm-hmm. Love is touch, mm-hmm. Love is understanding. Love is kind. Love don't boast, you know. Love don't hurt, love don't hurt. Right. So it's more to a relationship than just sex. That's a part of it.
Speaker 1:But that emotional mental state, if that's not in connection, then sex ain't gonna be any good anyway and I think that's what sometimes people get messed up is that they look at the bible and paul was saying I'd rather you get married than burn, right, and these. They focus more on the sex part than the actual loving part, and so they put the sex before the love, right, and they say, well, I'm going to get married, I need to get married and in the marriage, and it's not. And they get married before God. They get all of this kind of things and it is not right because they put the wrong. They put the cart before the horse, right. They put the cart before the horse. Right. They didn't have that friendship, right, because even with friendship there's a type of love, right. They didn't have that companionship, they didn't have that dating, they didn't have all of that kind of stuff before they went into the marriage. They got married because the sex was good, right.
Speaker 1:And so Paul describes the kind of love that we're talking about. Anything saying on the thing that you know we got to keep it up, all right. So Paul describes the kind of love we're talking about in 1 Corinthians, and this is what it says and we're going to delve in this and you hit a little bit on it. The first thing it says love is patient. Little bit on it. The first thing it says love is patient, patient. You got to have patience, man. When you're in a marriage, you got to have patience. Right, I got to prove, you got to be patient, you got, we got to be patient with one another, all right. So that word, this word, means endurance, even just check this out endurance, even when provoke long-tempered love does not retaliate.
Speaker 2:Right right, I agree with that Right.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get you back. Yeah, I'm going to get you back. You know, love don't do that, right, that's no. Love doesn't do that. Love don't even when prov do that love. Don't even when provoked love don't get out of character, right? We often say that you know you can't say words because you can't put the words back in. You know, you, you got to be, you got to be even patient with your one. You say you got, you got to cover your mouth sometimes because you can't get those words back. Love does not. I'll put it like this a man, when you, when a man loves a woman, a love would not call a woman out of her name and vice versa and vice versa.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not. It's not going to happen. You're not going to them down, you're going to use the words to build them up. All right, all right. That's number one. Number two in that same verse love is kind. All right, love is kind. So this word refers to act of goodness. It is never hateful or mean. Love is kind in words, not only words. Mean. Love is kind in words, not only words, but love is kind in actions too. We say action speaks louder than what words. All right, so that's that's, that's what love does. All right, all right. So going down to number three love does not envy. All right, true, love is not jealous. I mean, I've seen where sometimes the wife is jealous of the husband and the husband is jealous of the wife. You know, the husband is, I mean, and jealous that you know that she has a degree or she is, she can do this better than me, and you get jealous and it is. That is not good. All right, that's not good. You got to speak, baby.
Speaker 2:Yes, babe, I'm listening to you. I'll chime in, you'll chime in Winona.
Speaker 1:I'll chime in Okay, all right, good to go All right, I'll chime in, you'll chime in Winona.
Speaker 1:I'll chime in. Okay, all right, good to go, all right. So love does not envy, so it's not jealousy. Love does not boast, all right. Love does not boast, so it does not make a parade. Love does not brag, all right. It does not draw attention to itself or to what it is doing Right. It does not draw attention to itself or to what it is doing Right. And so when you love your spouse, you don't have to draw attention and say I did all of this for you. You know, go all on Facebook and all that kind of stuff I did. You know you got to brag about it. You know, if we're doing something, we're doing it together.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, absolutely. I mean, if we're going're gonna do something together, that's how we grow by. You know, I'll take a turn, you take a turn, we. We go together, we do it together. You know, and I think it's the whole, the dynamic of um, the balance, the balance of the relationship, and not being jealous of what you've accomplished, or me being, or you being jealous of what I've accomplished.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1:I've seen it in, in, in, especially on Facebook and social media. I don't have to brag about what I buy you, and I've seen it, I've, I've seen it that where, where husbands want to brag about the purses and the jewelry and all of this kind of stuff on social media. Or this is I love my wife yeah, you love her, and but you're going to, you know, you got to brag about it because that's all you're doing is brag about what you are buying your wife. You're bragging about it and you just keep posting and posting and posting. This is what I don't need to see. All that, what do you think about?
Speaker 2:that I agree. I'm not one to flaunt stuff anyway. So, that wouldn't be a thing for me. I wouldn't want you to do that. I'd be like why are you put my business out there like that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's putting the business out there on the street.
Speaker 2:People don't need to know what's going on up over here. They see when they see. But it's not about this, it's about the blessings. I'm not bragging about anything. If I come off in a way, well, I got this or I have this, but it's only through the grace of God. I'm all about to God be the glory, because I have nothing without him. So I don't feel it's necessary to do that. And some people they do.
Speaker 1:It's just a thing To me they's bragging. You know, to me, you don't think it's bragging.
Speaker 2:I really don't have friends that do that. I don't, I mean, I don't know babe I've seen it.
Speaker 1:I've seen it. You know, you know, and look, you put all that stuff on social media and then, the next thing you know, your wife get robbed because you're putting all that stuff out there.
Speaker 1:You know, that, yeah, you don't want that to happen. So you, you don't have to brag it. It does not draw attention, uh, to itself or what it's doing. It doesn't do that. You don't boast, it doesn't do all that. Okay. So the next one is love is not arrogant. Right, love is not arrogant. Love is not arrogant or proud. It does not demand to be the number one, so I don't have to be the number one, you don't number one in the relationship right you see what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:I it's, we are one, you know we're doing it, so I don't have. That's why I said um, I told somebody, I said I learned this is one thing I learned in the military, uh, from being a leader, and I further can you know, he can attest to this, you know is that you know, by eating last, I don't have to be the first one. You know, I think, as a husband, this is just me. This ain't got nothing to do with nobody else. This is, this is just my thoughts. Is that my family should eat first, because if anybody gonna starve is gonna be me, if I, we don't have nothing to get. No, my family's gonna be eating first, if my, you know, if my family, um is, for instance, like we were almost face homeless, right, and I said, look, I'll send you to your mom because, look, I can sleep in the car. I can sleep that way, but you enjoy it. No, no, no, no, that ain't happening, right, that ain't happening, because that's how it should be. That's what I believe. What do you think?
Speaker 2:You've always been that way and I appreciate that. But there's no way I was going to leave you to talk about yourself. I was going to send Jordan to my mom and me and you. We were going to handle that. You know he's going to continue to do what he's doing, continue to serve God, continue to trust God. We're going to do it together, right? You know, and you have always been that way. Even when we have Fifth Sunday Fellowship and we have food, you'd be like I'm not eating anything. They'd be like oh, you need to get past the stuff to eat. I was like Eric is not going to eat a thing in here until everybody is sitting down eating and whatever is left he'll have. He was like come fix this food. I can tell y'all right now he ain't going to eat until everyone men, women, children, until everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that was, you know, like Ferg said, that was a requirement. You know, that bred down, and that is still not only like Ferg say, not only in that, but as I treated my family. You know, because when you think about it, if you take it, you know, almost to the family, where the husband and the wife is working and the wife comes home and you say, well, you got to fix my vittles, you know. You know, wait, wait my vittles. You know you sit down, come on now. No, it no. You know I don't have to be the number one Because we're in this thing together, right? So that's it what we got going on here.
Speaker 2:Let's see, let's go back, okay, okay. So Berg said love is so powerful that you can't even explain it. Yes, so true, so true. Can't even explain it. Yes, so true, so true. He also said love is when you give your all and they may not give back, but you don't cheat. You don't cheat.
Speaker 1:He also said he hated that requirement because you know, as we know, he liked to eat. All right.
Speaker 2:And Marie said. Corey is the same same way he always puts us first. But when it comes to food, we gonna have a debate, because I love to eat all right, never eat.
Speaker 1:I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. All right, so, all right. So love again is not arrogant. Love is not rude. Love is never rude, but it always treats others with compassion, consideration and respect. You should respect your spouse.
Speaker 1:Right, I was listening to an interview on Club Shay Shay with this young lady. Right Then I was listening to part of it. Then I listened to somebody else. They were saying that she was hard to work with, people saying that she was hard to. You know, people say that she was hard to work with and things like that. And this other podcast that I was listening to was saying that sometimes people misconstrue hard working. You know hard to work with because she's holding people accountable. She has a standard right and when you come in, you know she has a standard for herself and if you're working for her or working with her, she wants you to make sure that you have. You know that if she's treating she has a standard for herself. She want to make sure that you have that standard. And I begin to think about that and I said that is good, but that doesn't give you the right to be rude.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And a lot of times what happens is especially is that you have a standard or you have an expectation of your spouse and you may have that, but that don't give you the right to be rude to your spouse. Absolutely it doesn't give you the right to be rude. You cannot be rude to people and expect your. You cannot be rude to your spouse and expect your spouse to love you, like you supposed to be loved.
Speaker 2:This is true. I remember listening to it, watching a video not too long ago where the guy was saying this guy said he saw a friend in the grocery store and him and his friend, they both have been married and he was there you know how you doing, how you doing Good. He said how's your wife? He said oh man, she's awesome, you know she's back at the house with the kids. He said how's your wife? You know we don't communicate well and he said how's your wife.
Speaker 2:You know we don't communicate well. And he was like yeah, why is Faye that? He said, yeah, she's so disrespectful. And so he said are you respectful? Because sometimes we have to set an example and if you're disrespectful then chances are she's going to put up her walls and she's going to be disrespectful too. Right.
Speaker 2:So being, you know you got to be on that same. You know playing, feel you, if you're talking down to her, she's gonna talk down to you. You making you belittle her, she's gonna belittle you. So I agree with the fact that, even if it kind of goes like this, I have an example. Okay, your faith may not be where my faith is right. I can't judge you because your faith is here and my faith is there.
Speaker 2:I can't point the finger down at you, saying you need to get it together and trust the Lord, and all that. Because it comes with a process and a level of maturity getting to that next level. Right, right, so I can't come down on you because you're not there where I am, you know, Right right. So I can't come down on you because you're not there where. I am, and you know.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:So I totally agree, I totally. My job would be well, you know what. We're going to work together so we can get us both at that same level where that mustard seed is like an orange.
Speaker 1:You know, right, right, right we're going to work together on that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, coming down on your spouse, belitt, be little them, making them feel insignificant to you because you, maybe you have your doctorate degree and maybe they just have a high school diploma. You know, you, you, you don't want to come down on that person. You know you want to build them up, say, hey, you know they got these free classes over here at the university. You know you want to. You know, kind of say you think about why don't we take this together?
Speaker 3:yeah, you know, do something, want to you know kind of say you think about why don't we take this together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, do something together to build them up, because that's what we're supposed to do we're supposed to build each other up. Right. That's where that foundation came in, Because if we don't have a strong foundation, then we really can't build each other up. That's right we built. You got to have a strong foundation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know I try to build you up baby. You know I try to. You know, do I do a good job? I mean, I'm asking you do a great job.
Speaker 1:Okay, you do the same for me, that's right. You do the same for me. I give you a shout out. Okay, all right, so let's go, let's continue. Our love does does not insist on its own way. So true love is never selfish and self-centered, but is actively interested in what will profit others. It never looks at itself first, but it always considers another ahead of itself. That's what love does.
Speaker 1:It's never selfish, never self-centered. You know, hey, how do my wife feel about it. You know how does it. You know, and sometimes that can get you in trouble too. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Oh no, not with me.
Speaker 1:I'm always thinking about I think it does, I mean well, I guess I guess, because part you know, part of it you know, part of it. Is that okay, I don't want my wife to worry, I don't want my wife to do this and I don't want my dad. So I go negative in my, in my account, because I don't want my wife to do that. And you remember that you know. And then that's when you got on me and said, look, you know you paying these people all this money, you know, because I didn't want you to worry, I didn't want you to. You know, I figured out some kind of way finances, you know, or whatever like that. You know, I figured out some kind of way, finances, you know, or whatever like that.
Speaker 1:But again, that was that was. That was not right, you know, because again that's taken away from both of us and not just you know, not just you. You know what I mean. So, so, but true love is never selfish and self-centered, but it is actively interested in what will profit others. Selfish and self-centered, but it is actively interested in what will profit others. So I, you have to look at what would profit us as as individuals, no, as a couple, you know. So I don't need to have it my way, my way on a highway Right and you get the highway. Huh, all right, yeah, shout out on that.
Speaker 2:You know, it's like I think about decisions that I make throughout my day. I always think about well, eric is not going to be happy with this decision if. I make this I always give it that thought Like what, how is this going to backfire? If this is going to backfire, maybe I should tell Eric about this. You know different things, so I always think about you in anything, any decision that I make concerning us, especially if it's financially.
Speaker 2:I want to make sure that you know we're good to go, so I just like to just put that bag back on the shelf and be like let me call Eric.
Speaker 1:Well that ain't stop Amazon from coming to the house.
Speaker 2:Let's not talk about Amazon, because during the COVID we had Amazon, ups, fedex and they were all coming to the house for you, yeah right Until I got wind of it and I was like oh, okay, so this is what we doing, but other than that, but now Amazon and Team U what it is. Let's not talk about that.
Speaker 1:We Team you what it is. Let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2:We're not talking about that. It's not about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now they keep coming dropping off bags every time you look around, you know, so you know.
Speaker 2:Let's not forget, the last order that came to the house was for you, not for me.
Speaker 1:It was yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, yeah. So I think making the decision, thinking about how it's going to affect the unit is so important.
Speaker 1:Right right right right right, all right, cool. Are we going down to stealing verse five, all right? The King James Version says love is not easily provoked. Esv says it's not irritable. So true, loves keeps no records of evils done to it. But it's willingly, but it willingly endures all slights and injury. It is not irritable, so you don't keep no record. That's a hard thing, you know, especially women, because women y'all love to keep things. Men, we, we can, we can hit it and move you, we can just hit it and move on. You know, I was telling somebody just the other day. I said we could be at the basketball court cursing each other out, talking about somebody telling them we're going to do something, be in a fight, and then the next thing, you know, say man, let's go and get something to eat. But women, no, lord, y'all hold on to things, am I right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, you know, I know with myself, when I feel betrayed it's hard for me to trust you again. I'm going to be colder, I'm going to say, hey, how you doing? I ain't seen you in a while. All is well, but calling you and talking on the phone with you and all that stuff that we used to do, those things are over. Because I don't trust you, because I think with women we give so much of ourselves. So when someone step on that toe and the funny thing about it is usually it's the person that's um, narcissistic how do you say that?
Speaker 2:yeah, and they'll try to flip the script. They wrong you, but then they become the victim and make you feel like you did something to them, when you know that's not how that went. So, and in at this age that I am now, at this age that I am right now in my life, I don't have time for that.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I just don't have time for it. I have time for relationships. If you want to be part of the journey, I want to be part of your journey. You know I don't have time for that, so when I cut you off, it's so funny that my my granddaughter just put on Facebook about our Zodiac sign, which I really don't follow those, but she was like you know, with a Libra we are put up with it and put up with it, and put up with it, and put up with it and put up with it for years and years and years. But when we're done, you're done.
Speaker 2:It's no going back. All right.
Speaker 2:So that's how I am. I'll put up with you and I'll talk. I mean, I'll put up with you and I'll accept your apologies and I'll even apologize for stuff I haven't done and stuff that I have done. I'll do all that, but when I'm done, I'm done and I keep it in the back of my mind. Now you need prayer in the back of my mind. Now you need prayer. You in the hospital. I'm going to pray for you. I'm going to pray that God heal you, deliver you. Whatever needs to be done, I'm going to pray for you. I am, but we ain't finna be hanging.
Speaker 2:You ain't going to be hanging with them?
Speaker 1:huh, no, we ain't, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:But I'm not like. But in the same instance, winston's like with you. I'm not like that with you. I'm at this point where I can't sweat small stuff. Okay 32 years, I can't sweat.
Speaker 1:Can't sweat the small stuff. Like I say yeah, we remember for sure. Samson say you want to see where we're going? This I know that's what my eyes were first says love is like salvation all right, meaning it's uh, threefold you get saved, you live a, you live a saved life and we will be saved from the second death, as in love I loved in now and in the future. All right, I agree, I agree with that. I give you a shout out on that for her.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:You're dropping them nuggets. Marie says, listen, amazon and Team U is my besties, but you got five orders on the way. I can't give you no shout out on that. Corey going to get you. Yeah, yeah, corey going to get you. You got five orders. Yes, yes, so, yeah. So love is not easily provoked. True love keeps no record of evils. Done All right, love is thinketh no evil. So that means love is not resentful. Love is not resentful. You know it takes no worth this inventory. There's two thoughts in this in mind. First, genuine love does not attribute evil motives for people. So you don't think evil for your spouse.
Speaker 2:You know no.
Speaker 1:I wish he was dead. No, no, no, no. You don't, you don't think that, don't even come across your mind. You know, because you love that person, I mean every time. I mean when I hear of funerals man, I just say God, I don't know what I would do without Patsy. I don't know, I really don't know. I told you I'm not marrying again, that's it. I'm done marrying again, that's it. I'm done, finito.
Speaker 2:Hey, you saved the best for last.
Speaker 1:No, nah, I'm not marrying again. That's it, baby. You know, you already said that you're going to be a ghost.
Speaker 2:What did you say? I said I'm going to be a ghost, I'm going to come in the room and open up all the drawers. Because he always tell me Pastor, can you close these drawers? I'm going to come in there. You're going to go to sleep at night. When you wake up in the morning, you're going to all be open.
Speaker 1:I bet not have nobody in the bed, yeah.
Speaker 2:I put my urn Right next to the nightstand. Oh geez, oh man.
Speaker 1:Alright, so nightstand, oh geez, oh man, all right. So you know, love don't attribute evils to people. Second, genuine love does not keep a record of evils done to it, you know you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:If you're going to forgive forgive.
Speaker 1:If you're going to forgive, you got to forgive. Yeah, now will. Will it be hard to forget? See, the thing about it is this is what people got to understand.
Speaker 1:The enemy does not want you to forget, right? The word says that if you, you know, listen to the word and you hide the word in your heart, it will bring. The word will bring things back to you, your remembrance. So, while the word is, while Jesus is bringing back to your memories, the devil is always also bringing things back to your memories. So, for instance, if somebody does you wrong, if your spouse does wrong to you, and you says that I'm working on forgiveness, you do you honestly think the enemy wants you to forgive your spouse? No, not at all. So what the enemy is going to do spouse? No, not at all. So what the enemy is going to do, right, keep reminding you. He's going to keep reminding you, keep reminding you. So when we say I will not forget, what we're saying is that I'm giving place to the enemy to remind me.
Speaker 2:That's deep right there, pastor, give me some.
Speaker 1:That is deep. That's exactly what we're saying. I'm giving place to the enemy to remind me, to constantly remind me, because god forgets, the enemy reminds. Oh, I gotta put that on the shirt god forgets and the enemy reminds.
Speaker 2:It's kind of hard to forget things, but you know, I think also the enemy don't want to move on. Of course to move on.
Speaker 2:So you have to be in that process. Yeah, I know that happened, but guess what that's? That's a done deal that's done and over. God has has moved me forward from that. Yes, and I think, like you know it, when, when your heart is broken and your feelings are hurt, that's a scar that takes time. That's a scar that takes time. But if you're going to forgive, then you have to forgive and you can't go back and bring it back up and bring it back up.
Speaker 1:A new argument, a new frustration.
Speaker 2:I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you said that, but it's been 10 years.
Speaker 1:And you've talked about it, that. But it's been 10 years and you've and, and you've talked about it and you've come to a conclusion that both of you have agreed. You've talked about it, you've come to a conclusion, but you keep hiding. Again. The enemy wants to put that in your heart and and put that bitterness in your heart to remind you because he does not want your marriage to succeed. The enemy does not want your marriage to succeed. He does not, so he would do anything.
Speaker 1:What we have to do, one thing I've learned and I was so glad that I was part of the military and I further attest to that is that we learn offensive schemes and defensive schemes. You know, when we're in in war, we were doing war games. We have to figure out what the enemy is doing so we can attack the enemy. Right, we've been what we, what we've been doing as christians, and and, and the husband and the wife, is that we've been on a defense too long and he's been attacking and attacking, and attacking.
Speaker 1:We need to know the schemes of the enemy, and one of the schemes of the enemy is to bring bad things back to me. He's not going to bring good things, no, sir. And so we often say is that if God did it before, he'll do it again. So God reminds us right of the things that he did good. Well, the enemy is not going to remind him of things good. He's not going to remind you of all the good times you had with your spouse and whatever. He will remind you of that negative, one negative thing out of the 99, and he keep bringing it back to remember. Bringing it back, bringing it back. And if we don't realize that he's doing this, we'll mess up our marriage. So we have to figure it, marriage.
Speaker 2:So we have to figure it out. Figure it out all right, not to put God in the center of it. That's why it's so important to have that foundation of God being in the middle of everything a first is like this first is so.
Speaker 1:The enemy keeps us saying things like that's just the way. I am why, while God says, show them love.
Speaker 2:I like that for her. That's deep right there bro.
Speaker 1:That's so true. The enemy would say, yeah, yeah, that's what he says. Oh, this is just the way I am. No, what did the Bible say? If you become a new creature in Christ, the old things are passed away and, behold, all things are new. So you can't say this is the way I am. You can say that's the way I used to be, that's the way I used to be and that's how we used to speak. That's how we need to say it. No, that's you need to talk to the enemy man. Tell the enemy say no, you're not going to have my marriage. One thing, you're not going to have my marriage. And two, you're not going to have me. You know, that's not who I am. I'm not a person that hold grudges. I'm not a person that's going to do it. I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2:I'm a new creature.
Speaker 1:Because you know why? Because God didn't hold no grudge on me. Oh boy, Look at here. Boy Boy, look at here here. Let me hit like a here boy. If I had a hammond b3 boy, I'll be preaching up in here all right now. All right, I'm telling you man, hey, because I am.
Speaker 1:I am so tired of us giving way to the enemy and let the enemy just run rapid in our lives, especially in marriages especially we just let him just do what he want to do and we don don't recognize, we don't sit down and say no, no, no, that's the enemy, you know? No, you know. You talking to me that way, no, that's not who you really are, because if that's who you really are, I would have never married you in the first place, right? You just at this time. So we're going to sit down and we're going to discuss this. We have to recognize the schemes of the enemy and put it is for what it is, because we're don't fight with flesh and blood, we fight against principalities, right? So that's just the way we do it all right now. That's, that's it.
Speaker 1:No, I I'm I'm done preaching, samson, I'm done preaching. I'm done preaching, samson, I'm done preaching, I'm done preaching, all right. So verse six love does not rejoice at wrongdoing. So love does not rejoice in sin, whatever it is. So again, you are. If you love that person, you're not going to go out and cheat. Nope.
Speaker 1:That's sin, that's committing adultery. You're not going to do that. So when people say, well, I love her, I just, I just no, no, you don't really truly love her, because if you truly love her, you would care about her feelings. What is she going to do when she finds out? What is she going to do? What are the kids going to do when they find out? Right, what is going to happen? How is she going to be broken? You know, and if you really love and care for your wife, as the Bible says we're supposed to do, then you would say you know what? No, I can't do that to my wife, I can't do that to my children, I can't do. I just can't do that. You know. You would tell this other girl say, look, you may be all right, but my wife means more to me than five minutes or ten minutes of pleasure.
Speaker 2:As I always say, you know, you know what you have, and why waste time on a possibility?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Ooh.
Speaker 2:It may turn out to be like I was built off where I was. And I knew that person cared for me where I was, but now I just threw the whole family to the wind to step out and do this.
Speaker 1:What did they say? They say sometimes you think the grass is green on the other side, but if you water the grass on your side, you're going to be green, just that side. Look what they're saying on here. We got some things here, baby, all right, all right, you know, that's it, I'm done. Um ferg says two things. Y'all, please don't expect your spouse to get everything right. I'd love that. Each of us are learning and we make mistakes absolutely that's good.
Speaker 2:That's good we do. Yes, we do. It's a process, it's a, it's a. You learn and you grow together. I remember telling my girls when they were teenagers and I would get on them about certain things and I would always go back to them and say you know, this is your first time being a teenager, this is my first time being a parent of a teenager. I don't know what I'm doing, you don't know what you're doing. We got to grow and do this thing together and learn.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:We got to. You know, don't forget that I can be your friend, but at the end of the day, I am your mom. You know, and I think it's the same way with marriages. When we got married, you was 24, I was 25. We had a.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I'm older than you. I'm nine months older than you.
Speaker 2:I was 24, you was 25, right.
Speaker 1:You just said I was 24.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, you know what I mean. I'm glad you caught that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're old age.
Speaker 2:Yeah, give it a clap without it.
Speaker 1:But Don't you know, in two years I'm gonna be 60. Me too. Yeah, in two years we're both gonna be 60 no, we're not in three years well, you know, I'm I'm always looking for it. I'm already looking at january. Jump the gun. I jumped the gun yeah, my birthday and go right to your neck I would say this babe, I'm gonna be front up, I'm gonna Look you do not. And anybody on here can tell you you do not look 56. You, I mean, I'm telling you you do not live 56.
Speaker 2:And that's just the grace of God.
Speaker 1:For those who are watching. Tell me, put it in the chat what do my wife look like? What age does she look?
Speaker 2:like yeah, I'm telling you I had a point there. You messed me up. I was 24, you was 25. And we had wait a minute how many kids we had at the time between the two of us? We had five kids between the two of us. We weren't even 30. I have a clue, and I know you didn't have a clue, but we had to grow together. Yes, sir, and one decision that we made that I truly appreciated was we were like we got to take these kids to church.
Speaker 1:That October man.
Speaker 2:We got to find a church, you know because you know the kids were like okay, we're going to church. You know because in there we you know the kids. The kids were like, okay, we're going to church, you know. So we helped lay a foundation with them as we built the foundation for ourselves. So I think it's just a process of coming together, growing together and staying focused on the purpose of you being together. And that's the purpose of you. Know the will of God. Yeah, so yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, I want you know the will of god. Yeah, so yeah, yes, um, yeah, all right, I want to say all right. Uh, marie said listen, some people forgive and never forget. That's why they never. That's why they're so miserable and wonder why they in the same position every time. Yes, you have to do both.
Speaker 2:Can't be halfway in the pearly gates and halfway out so it ain't no halfway to the pearly gates and halfway out? Oh, it ain't no halfway to the pearly gates. You either in or you out, Marie. You either in or you out.
Speaker 1:Ferg says number two please don't just want to get married out of tradition or for likes. Want to be a spouse. There are responsibilities for both of us. Yes, that's right. I agree with that, ferg. No, I'm not older than you. No, not at all. All right. Samson says that's why it's important to have God in it, because our reverent attitude to what God will help cause us to detour. Yes, I like that, samson. I like that.
Speaker 2:That is so.
Speaker 1:Now you preaching, Samson. Now you preaching All right. For example, you look like his big sister. I am his big sister no, yeah, no, you, your his younger sister because he the oldest of the bunch. Oh man, all right. Uh, jordan said you look like a. Uh, what do you? Look like a spry, young, 30 old ma 30 year old.
Speaker 2:Ma Thanks, babe.
Speaker 1:Oh man, what I need to say again For the husbands in the back, marie, what I need to say. Just tell me what I need to say again. Or what does Patsy need to say again For the husbands in the back? Alright, we got about five minutes. We gotta do this, alright? Okay, this has been good, alright. Verse six says it has Love Rejoices with the truth.
Speaker 1:Right, it rejoices with the truth. It rejoices when truth is proclaimed and when truth wins the victory. Love is glad for the truth, even when the truth hurts. Love is glad when truth wins the day. All right, sometimes you have to sit down with your spouse and the truth hurts, but you got it. That's what love does. Love tells the truth. Love tells the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. But it's better to hear it from your spouse than to hear it from somebody else. Right, because I mean as long as your spouse is not tearing you down, than to hear it from somebody else. Right, absolutely, because I mean as long as your spouse is not tearing you down by telling you the truth. You know, because you said it before, it's the way you say things, right, and as long as they're not rude in telling you that, oh, your breath's stained.
Speaker 2:Be like hey, hey, be like yeah, yeah, yeah, be like hey hey, yeah it's a way to say things, you know, and you, in a relationship, you gotta be open. For that that I can't think of the word. But that critical what do you call it? I can't think of it. But you know you got to be willing to accept some criticism in the name of love. You know, babe, I'm only telling you this because you know, when you come to me to kiss me, you know, I just you know, and I don't want you out in public representing us like this, with stink mouth.
Speaker 2:you know I don't want you out in public representing us like this, with stink mouth. You know, I don't want you out in public representing us like this, because I always think that when I'm in public, if someone see me, if a friend of yours see me, I want to make sure yeah, constructive criticism. There you go. I want to make sure that I'm representing. I want to make sure that I'm representing not just you but us.
Speaker 2:And I like to tell the girls all the time don't be going out with your head all jacked up. What's wrong with y'all? Because your dad is going to come back and be like listen here.
Speaker 1:What's wrong with her head? What's wrong with her wig?
Speaker 2:So it's always a point of representing the unit and staying focused. So I mean I'll take it If you tell me. You know well, when you told me that my feelings was hurt, when you told me that I was thin and I was like, oh, I felt bad, I really did.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't want to make you feel bad, baby, I felt bad.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you would have said okay, babe, I think you, you know, I think you lost enough weight, let's slow down right here.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's the way I said it.
Speaker 2:It's how you said it, and I was like I felt really bad to the point where, like I didn't want to get undressed around you.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I'm so sorry, baby. I apologize, that's not what I mean. Like you said, I should have said it a different way, and that's you know. No, don't ever think that you can get undressed around me all the time, no, thanks. But just don't get undressed right now because we on the camera. You need Jesus. I just got through preaching, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Yeah, in both ways around, because I don't want to hurt your feelings and I don't want you to feel like I'm coming down on you when we go back to what I think number four. I don't want you to feel like I'm coming down on you because you know, I don't want you to feel like you're not meeting my standard. Right right.
Speaker 2:All of this just kind of goes back until you know me being here. Are you being here, I'm being there, or vice versa. It's a way to do things and it's a way that you could um address things in love, in love. Okay.
Speaker 1:All right. So we, we went through all of these things talking about what love is man, and that's, that's that's. You know, we didn't even finish the fundamentals because we still got two more things. Oh, wow, what are fundamentals of marriage? We got two more things. Um, we're going to continue to talk about them. Um, but this kind of love that we talk about tonight is to be mutual. Like we say, is is mutual.
Speaker 1:The husband we know from the scripture that the husband is commanded to love his wife with every fiber of his being. We know that Ephesians 5, 25 says husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Verse 28 says in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife love himself. All right, we know that and you know that's what should. It is so much demanded of the husband to love. You know we want to be on top, but a lot of times we we want to, like you said, we want to respect, but we don't get a respect. But if we love our wives as Christ loved the church man, it's going to be a good marriage.
Speaker 2:It going to be a good marriage. It really makes it easier for her to honor Yep.
Speaker 1:And we're going to get into that. I mean in Titus 2 and 4, when it talks about, you know, like being mutual. It says and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, you know so, a home filled with love is a home filled with the essence of heaven.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:A home filled with love is filled with the essence of heaven. Yeah, wow, what a way to end it. All right, we got any, you know.
Speaker 2:I don't know if anybody want to want to call in or anything like that. Can I just say something this morning on my way to work. Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:It's. Let me read what Marie said first. She says how can you say the truth to your spouse without being disrespectful? I'm from New York and I'm very blunt and don't have time to go around the bush. How can you do it? You think about how you want him to be respectful to you. You give out what you want to give back. If you be disrespectful, you don't want disrespect back. You have to think before you speak and say you know what. This is how we do this.
Speaker 2:You know, I find that in the past when I would Well, eric is like the cool brook, I'm like the volcano, you know. So when I would go toward him with that, eric would shut down. When we were younger, he would come back at me. But I found that I got more of whatever it is I was trying to get from him. When I took a step back myself because I used to be really disrespectful to Eric, I just fly off the hip and I was my grandmother's granddaughter. I would say whatever, didn't think about it, just throw it out there. And you know I didn't care that. You know I just said whatever I wanted to say. But I found out as we grew, as I got older and more mature, that it was ways that I could get what I needed If it was new shoes for the kids or new furniture or you know, just more time with him.
Speaker 2:I found that I had to step back and think about now. If he was doing this to me, I'd have packed up and left, but I've been. I had to step back and think about now. If he was doing this to me, I'd have packed up and left, but I've been doing this to him. I've been doing this to him. He's still standing this ground. He's still still here. He have a leftist crazy girl. So I had to find that, that balance, and it took me. It took me a minute to learn to not be disrespectful toward him. He's never been disrespectful toward me. I was doing all of the giving, giving, giving. He's never called me by my name, he's never raised his voice at me and earlier in our marriage we used to yell at each other, but that was before the kids came. Because once the kids came, we were like wait a minute, kids can't see us doing this.
Speaker 2:And also, you got to think about it. When you have children, if they see you disrespect, what do you think they're going to do, they're going to disrespect. So you just have to be mindful of that and I think you can be blunt without being disrespectful. You can be blunt without being disrespectful. So, you know, just take in consideration, think about your words before they proceed out of your mouth. As we talked about so many times, words are like toothpaste Once you squeeze it out of the tube, you can't put it back. So you want to be careful how you address certain things. I hope that you know gave you a little bit of encouragement and that's basically from my experience and maybe some of the other ladies that's online that may have, you know, some encouraging words as well, but I think once you step back and really think about it, then you know you have little children, so it can get very hectic and very frustrating and, trust me, I had them.
Speaker 2:So I can relate to how I ain't got time for this because I got to pack this lunch and I got to put this person pants on and I got to go find your shoes. They were by the door. You know, I can understand that part and any of the cause for things to come off. Can you just move and help me, or something like that. So I get it. I get it, but it took me a minute to step back and address the situation. So now back to that drive to work.
Speaker 2:This morning it's two songs that I hear on the radio that remind me of Donna Ferguson. One is it's Over Now. Both of these songs are by Kurt Frank it's Over Now. And the other song is Love, a word that comes and goes, but if you people truly know what it means to really love somebody, and those songs actually came back to back this morning. So I was a bit of a mess, that's how I got the word, but the one that loved it really really stood out to me, because people take that word so freely and they throw it around so easily. But where is love? Is commitment, it's loyalty, it's a work, it's not something that you just toss around. You know you better be. You better be ready to do some work if you're telling something that you just toss around.
Speaker 1:You know you better be.
Speaker 2:You better be ready to do some work. If you're telling somebody that you love them, oh yes, you better be ready to put it in and you can't be like you know you can't win and get tough, you can't walk away from it. You can't say, okay, that's enough, it is moving on. I know because if you can move on that quickly, you were never really in love in the first place.
Speaker 1:You infatuated.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I just want to say that.
Speaker 1:All right, I like that, I like that baby, yeah, yeah, I would add on to Marie just, you know, to go into prayer time, absolutely, you know, and say Lord, you know, you know, tell you my tongue, you know, tell you my tongue, you know. And um, no, so I won't hurt my husband's feelings, you know, I want to build him up and you know, like you said, there's a way that you can do that. And um, like fergie says hey, we serve up, we serve a god that will tell you my tongue, that will teach us how to do things. And um, just ask god for help. And in j James it says anybody that lacks wisdom, let them ask. And that's a wisdom thing, that's a wisdom on how to talk to your husband, how to even talk to your kids or people. That's a wisdom thing. So seek wisdom on that.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have to read what Ferg wrote. He put and you don't have to stay blunt, and that's absolutely true. And he says not where you're from. That's absolutely true. And he says not where you're from, it's who you serve. And just the words that you just came back and said just kind of hit the head on the nail because it's so true. You know it's hard, but God can take us through anything.
Speaker 2:Man. Only God can. God can change my crazy self, my mean self, my no-nonsense self, my not putting up with nobody. If he could change me, he can change anybody. My mouth was foul. My mouth was foul. I would curse, I would sow stuff, I would do the middle of it. And my kids saw this. But my kids also saw me change. They also saw God change me, you know. So yeah, we got one more, someone.
Speaker 1:Sparkle says hey Sparkle, hey Sparkle Say can you grow out of love?
Speaker 2:I think you can.
Speaker 1:You think you can grow out of love. I think, so, All right Talk to me, I got an example. All right, you got about five minutes.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's going to be short. You know, dating, growing up, my oldest daughter father, I thought that I was totally, totally like in love with this guy. I just, I just knew he was going to be my husband one day. I just knew all of this. But as time went, I think I grew out of love. I was like this fool. I mean, I was like I think I grew out of that.
Speaker 2:I think, think, I think, being as young as I was I guess you know what it's a possibility I just really didn't know what love was. I was young and as if I had to define love back then. It is nothing like the love that I have today, you know, I guess it was just more or less like a puffer. So I think, I don't know, sometimes, sometimes people, actually, I don't think you can grow out of love, but I think the love can lessen. You still love a person, but not as strong as before, okay, and it could be little bitty things that they do to just I just can't, you know, deal with that anymore. Can that person change? Can we change and build together? I believe we could, but both parties have to be willing, you know. So I think I don't think you can actually grow out of love, but I do think that love could damn.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:You still care about the person, you still have that genuine love in your heart for them, but you're not in love and I think that's what I love about you, because I find myself falling in love with you over and over again and when I tell people that they'd be like what I'm like, yeah, it'll be. Just, I'll just be sitting at my desk and I'll be like, and the teachers will be like what you doing over. I'll be like, and the teachers will be like what you doing over there. I was like you know what? I love him. I love him. I even. I think I was telling Michelle a long time ago. I said you know, if Eric and I ever separated whoever I'm with, they would be mad at me because I'll be sneaking over the area, I'll be knocking on their hey, let me in.
Speaker 2:So I think there have been times when our love has been lessened.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think there are times when it's built back up, you know, and there's been times when it's been right there in the middle of the light. We don't know what we're doing together and why we're still together, but because we serve God.
Speaker 1:And because he loved us, we love each other. Because it was just you know, all you, I would say like this to me I think love is like an amber, you know. When you have a fire, you have an amber, you know and all.
Speaker 1:That's all you need is the amber right just something in there and so like when we, when we're counseling couples, we ask them do you still love them? Is there something, just something in there. You know that you could honestly say, is this a little amber? That if we work on this amber it'll build that fire back up. You know, and a lot of times they say yeah, yeah, it's something, and we start working and working, and working, and everybody start doing their part and relying on God for one thing and he just rekindles the fire, rekindles the love that's there, but, like you say, it just dimmed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it dims and it's like remember what I said at the retreat. Before I read what I said at the retreat, I got to read what Malika wrote. It's my daughter in love. Love you, girl, she says. I think there's different types of love and you can move through different types over time. And I think that is so true because, like we just said, you can be here one day and here the next day, but the bottom line is to keep the spark going. And the retreat we talked about, what was it? I would never forget that. And the Lord dropped into my spirit.
Speaker 2:And I'm always telling other people when they come to me and say you know a lot of the ladies at work, they always say you know, I don't know what I'm going to do, because this man is, and I always say, well, you know what, I know he might be doing this, that and the other. Is he hitting you? Is he beating on you? Is he abusing you? If he's not abusing you, then what was it that made you fall for him? What was it that made you say you know what he the one? It?
Speaker 2:made you say you know what he the one, you know what she the one. And I kind of try to remind them to find that thing. When I wasn't even thinking about even being in a relationship, you pop up out of the blue. You know what was it that made me say, okay, I'll go out with him. What was it you know? So, yeah, but babe, our time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know some podcasts around three hours, so you know, hey. Um, so samson says his love is action. Action helps when, when that lagging field come to play, check yourself helps too, because, uh, maybe, because what check yourself helps too, because maybe it's you Right. Okay, all right, but, like I said, I agree with my life. There's, yeah, because I mean, if you look up you know you can find there's all these different types of love, sexual love and stuff like that. So you got to make sure that the love that you and your spouse have is the love that we just spoke of, because if it's not the love that we just spoke of, you will fall out of love. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's it. If you will fall out of love. If it's any other type of love, you will fall out of love. If it's love for yourself, if it's love if you, you know love, whatever type of love it is, if it's not the love that when Paul was writing to Corinthians. Now again, we use that for marriage. But Paul was talking about something different and we look in the context of it. But the definition of that love is something that two people need to have. What we just talked about tonight. And if you go into it with those things that you're not jealous, you don't envy, you don't do all these type of things, you're pointing fingers.
Speaker 1:You don't point a finger, you're not disrespectful, you're not rude, you're not doing that. You're loyal. You know You'll be fine. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. You'll have your ups and you have your downs, but that amber still will be there.
Speaker 2:That's what I believe light at the end of the tunnel yeah, yeah that flicker of flame. I think that when god is in it, you can't go wrong.
Speaker 1:that's why we started. In order to have a strong foundation of marriage, you have to build it on God, right? If you want the spiritual essence of a marriage, you have to build it on God. What you looking at?
Speaker 2:Oh, let me tell you what baby boy just say Mommy's little man. He said I think love goes away when you stop putting in the effort to be in love. Oh, wisdom, right there. That is so true. You have to work at it. Nothing worth having comes easy. Everything in life, you gotta work for it. If you want it to be sustainable, you have to put in the work and the work.
Speaker 1:Faith without works is dead.
Speaker 2:That's what the word says. So, yeah, you have to put in the work, you have to put forth an effort. You know, I mean like you have to get in there, you just have to get in there. I mean. I can't think of any other words to say. But you know, I think when we fall short is we start pointing fingers and start saying you did this and you said that yeah, you make me sick and I don't like you. Get out, you need to be gone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we don't really need to say that. We don't really need to say that, we don't really need to say that I don't want to say that.
Speaker 2:You can stay as long as you like.
Speaker 1:Thank God, I can stay as long as I like, all right, well, we're getting ready to get out of here. We want to thank each and every person that you know that contributed to the conversation tonight, thank you. Remember that you can go back and listen to this Comment. Um, remember that you can go back and listen to this and, and you know, comment. Make sure you like. Please stop what you're doing now and make sure you like this video. Make sure you like this live stream. This is a way that we can get it out to the multitude of people. If you like it, just like it, and make sure you go back and comment. Come back and comment. Thank you, malika.
Speaker 1:I think she went back and commented one time right, yeah, yeah yep, and so you just go back and comment and make sure that when you listen on apple podcast and spotify and all that stuff, give us a five-star rating. You know that would help us. You know, get. You know, get the word out more about what we're doing here. Um, I think this is good to have this conversation to, because marriage is in real life. Real things happen and, again, like we said before, we don't know at all, even though 32 years and we have people who've been married 40 years and you know, um, but we don't know at all. And and uh, it's nice to have the come, have the conversation with other people, to be involved in this marriage in real life. Right, didn't hear too much from izzy tonight though you know, usually we hear from izzy.
Speaker 1:So, harold, was on there, though yeah, harold was on there, and so we thank god for that. Well, you, well, it is time to get out of here. I want to tell you, you know again, like I told you yesterday at church baby, I love you, 32 years. We had our ups and downs, but I love you, I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1:And somebody told me don't say love you to death, say love you to life. So one thing I would tell you like bishop said you can't, you will never outlove me. Oh really no.
Speaker 2:Okay, we'll see about that, but I love you too. Thank you for 32 wonderful years. It's definitely been a journey and I look forward to many, many more all right, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, good night everybody. We want to say good night and we want to say we can't wait to see you again.